Reeka's blog: "Cancer stuffs"

That much of my problem stems from loneliness. I have few ppl to share this with and they're all here. My closest RL friends have other things to worry about - I've always been the one to help THEM through their problems; maybe they just don't know how to listen, I dunno. My hubby is so consumed with stress from worrying about being the only breadwinner and keeping the kids under control that he has nothing left for me. I feel like I'm taking care of everyone and there's nobody left to take care of me. The last couple years of my life have been some of my happiest. I was finally feeling somewhat attractive for the first time since I started gaining weight. All of that is changing now that I'm losing my best physical feature. People say I should be happy that I get to live. But I can't work now and make my kids happier by getting them things, and I can't make my hubby happy with my appearance. And I can't keep him happy by keeping the house perfect because I'm soooo tired all the time. Those that TRULY know me and understand me know I'm all about what I can give others. I might be alive, but I'm losing the things that make me happiest. It stings every time I see someone asking to see boobs in their status or in a blog. I know I won't have any to show. I can't play with the rest of the crowd. I know you all know there's more to me than my boobs, but it seems like the only time I'm wanted around here is when I'm showing them. Especially when I'm all emo like I am now. People say I can come to them if I need to talk, but don't realize how against my nature it is to seek people out. I feel like I'm intruding and if you want my company you'll come to me. I don't really know where I was going with this. I just needed to get stuff off my chest. Sorry it's so long.