The point of eliciting values is to find out what she wants in and from a man and then turn into that man of her dreams by providing her with it.
But don't be fooled, if she says she wants her man to be tall and financially secure, you're not going to the doctor to get implants for your legs or rob a bank.
What she gave you were means values, which means that tall in itself does nothing for her - what matters to her is how a tall man by her side makes her feel.
And this is the key - for each means value you need to find out the ends value, which is what she really wants.
Let's take the example of a tall man. Asking her "and how does a tall man make you feel?" might reveal that it makes her feel secure and protected! Aha! That's what she really wants! She wants to feel protected and secure, not a "tall man" per se. In practice, she'll reject a tall man that doesn't make her feel protected and secure right away, whereas you, who you might not be tall at all but can make her feel secure and protected.
Means Values vs Ends Values
Know how she recognises means values and what they mean to her (honest, kind and respectful in this example).
You learned what qualities she likes in a man - means values.
Go for the ends values.
Find out what emotions she experiences by being with someone who is honest.
Repeat for kind, repeat for respectful. Secondly, find out how she knows someone is honest, kind, & respectful. She gave you 3 nominalizations that have a specific meaning to her, but NOBODY else. On the face of it, you've got no clue what she's talking about. What honest, kind & respectful means to her.
Ends Values = Desired State If you are confused about eliciting values, here is better terminology.
M: So, what is important to you in a relationship?
H: Well I like tall guys. (Means Value)
M: *nod* And what feeling does that allow you to experience when you are with a tall guy?
H: Well it makes me feel safe and protected (Ends Value aka Desired State)
I think that the term DESIRED STATE is more clear and accurate than Ends Value. You want to discover which states that she likes to feel, so that you can create those states in her.
In the above example, it doesn't really matter at all if you are tall, as long as you can make her feel safe and protected. Try and creates those feelings in her mind. (Of course this is done by naming the state and then describing its process...you guys know that already, right?).
Note...a few common states that normally are important for every woman are comfort and safety, emotional connection, then physical connection. If you only get the first part, you are a friend. If you get the second part (connection) then she will probably do the third part herself.
The important part is NOT what she says she wants (tall men, rich men, etc.). The important part is the FEELING that she experiences when she is around (tall men, rich men, etc). As long as you can discover the feelings that are important to her, and create them in her mind, she will associate those feelings with YOU."
Talk and ask about the other person. By talking about her, you learn more about her which will be valuable to you in planning a strategy. Also, it is a subject she will be comfortable with. By not talking about yourself, you let your image speak for itself. And don't forget, the less women know about you, the more women want to know about you. Be a mystery.
But only as long as you don't know, what she wants in a man. As soon as you have that (you just didn't let her speak about herself while letting your thoughts wander, you also listened intently, right?:), become that man.
Do not try to create a market for your product just because you think it's a great product. Find a product that the market demands and you will be successful. Fill a need and you can't go wrong.
Eliciting values so as to really make her think and fetch those answers from deep within her] is one of the major differences that will get you noticed. MOST guys go "so did you have both of your parents" and she says "no" and they say "look... there's a movie playing... wanna go?". They ask questions that don't tell them ANYTHING about the woman and then ask them out.
Learning about her as a person is much deeper than light questioning, and the thing that turns women on the most is when they BELIEVE that you are into them because of some UNIQUENESS that they have. Something you see in them ONLY that you don't see in other women and which makes them extremely attractive to you. By your deeper questioning, you seperate yourself from the other suitors because you make them THINK. You make them DIG for answers. They FEEL differently after baring their soul to you than after telling you where they got their hair done and how much it cost.
Everyone has a need. Find and fill that need. The mere adoption of the following rules can supercharge your own attitude towards being a great seducer.
Rule 1
People, all people, to include supercelebrities and ultra-gorgeous women, have desires. That seems like stating the obvious, but think about it. Even Bill Gates I bet, wishes he could do something different, that would fulfill him and he's not getting it now. He aches for something... craves for something... That's the same with ultra-gorgeous women, or women in general. They may have an army of suitors, they may be sleeping on the finest velvet sheets, etc etc.
Everybody, gorgeous women included, ache for something. They have a heartfelt desire for something. That "something" may vary from adventure to feeling freedom, to feeling respected (for the less secure ones), to feeling pampered, to feeling like a little girl again. It can be a large variety of things. But make no mistake about it. Everyone "aches" for something.
Rule 2
And this is cliche'. Find out what it is. Be sensitive. You can pick this up in the small cues that she leaks out. Be intelligent in structuring your questions to be such that you can uncover nice pieces of data.
What you're looking for is "something" that she always wanted that she's not getting right now, something she "aches" for, but can't have due to some life circumstance or something like that. It can be anything.
Once you know what it is, you can either you "fill" the void by using language patterns or "transform" yourself into the person that fits that criteria/desire/longing.
Rule 3
Fill that "void" that you've found. Use linguistic patterns to achieve this. If she talks about the need for respect, say something like "what if... we were living in a different dimension... or a different planet... and in that planet... everything you see, is everything you want to see... and in that place... you see all the people, giving you all the respect you ever wanted... now doesn't that feel nice?"
Rule 4
This is cliche as well, but anchor the fulfillment of the need to (guess who?)... to you! For example "Isn't it nice if you could experience all of that... with me, now I think it would be real grand if you could!"
Keep doing that a couple of times and soon enough you'll be her perfect man.
Sample Questions To Elicit Values
What she wants?
What she likes?
What she thinks she needs?
What she thinks she deserves?
What she had in the past that she wants to repeat?
What she had in the past that she wants to avoid?
What scares her?
What makes her happy?
What makes her feel sexy?
Here are some additional questions you can ask, that might be a little less value-eliciting oriented, but helpful nevertheless. They'll help you to get to know to her and should also put her in an altered state by making her dig up answers for these from deep within her consciousness and subconscious.
"What are the challenges in her line of work / what are the easy parts / what she likes / what she doesn't like about her job?"
"How do your friends describe you?"
"What do you think I am like?" You'll get useful feedback on how you're doing and how she perceives you.
"Your first childhood memory?" If its positive, anchor it, and even if its just neutral, never mind that, in her mind she sees herself as opening up to you when telling you about such stuff:)
"Your most pleasant / sweetest memory from school?"
"Your first day at school?"
"In what period of your life where you most popular?" Have her remember the "good times".
"Do you remember the first time you fell seriously, completely and helplessly in love. How did it happen?"
"The happiest moment of your life?"
"What role would you like to play in some movie?"
"Achieving what goals in your life have brought you the most joy?"
"How well do you know yourself?"
Example:
Me: Do you like living here in [whatever-the-place-is-called]?
Her: Ya, I guess.
Me: **Playfully** What do you like to do for fun? Do you have a lot of guys chasing you?
Her: No, not really... I'm kind of picky.
Me: Really? I mean, I don't mean to sound strange or anything... but what qualities do you look for in a guy?
***This is where you shut up and listen***
If the answer to some question is not to your liking ("what scares you?" "mice"), elaborate on what you meant with your questions. And if there's anything you don't understand in her answer completely, specify and ask additional questions. Don't THINK you understand, be SURE you understand because that is the only way of:
1) making her feel completely understood by you
2) and completely understanding her - which is what you need in order to know how to make her feel the way she wants to feel with that special man of hers.
