So with Valentine's Day coming up (and believe me, I'll be blogging about my opinion of THAT holiday soon), I thought I'd talk about some dating myths for women that I really feel are still pretty active. Feel free to comment. Please. The dialogue is interesting!
These thoughts came from an article in Bust magazine, which is a modern feminist magazine (and not what your dirty mind conjured up).
Myth #1: Men's biological imperative is to pursue, so women shouldn't ask men out, shouldn't be the aggressor, etc.
Traditionally, men were supposed to pursue because women were taught to be quiet and chaste. This was more society's way of ensuring that women don't go around having multiple partners, since our modern society is patriarchal, and men kinda like to know they're the father of any little kiddies running around. In nature, the male of the species isn't necessarily the aggressor in many cases.
I think this one is still active, although it has a lot less hold than it used to. When I was growing up, I was told by my mother that I was never supposed to call a boy, and to a certain extent that stuck. Even lately, I've been advised by a few of my friends that I need to learn to play "hard to get" because guys like to pursue, and I'm making it too easy for them. (Which, so not my style!) And recent movements such as He's Just Not That Into You bear this out as well.
Personally, if I don't necessarily make first moves, it's more due to insecurity and lack of confidence than anything else. If I AM confident in a guy's attraction to me, I have no problem making the first move. If I meet someone online, for example, and we hit it off, I am perfectly willing to speak up and say, "Hey, let's meet for coffee."
Myth #2: Men should always pay for dates.
Obviously, this is a holdover from a time when men were the primary wage earners and women didn't necessarily have a lot of money of their own. And it's still definitely sticking, based on my limited experience with the artificial process known as dating.
Personally, I always offer to split the tab on a date. Normally, the guy doesn't take me up on it, at least in the early days of dating, but I always offer. Actually, it sort of bugs me to have the guy pay. (My parents taught me financial independence. :)
Myth #3: Men don't like smart women. (Men don't like successful women. Men don't like career women, etc.)
Well, if this one's true, I'm screwed. :) And I do run into men who are intimidated by me, or men who are insecure enough that they want someone they can dominate and "lord it over."
But at least in my generation, this one seems to have lost footing. That said, it seems like it's regained some with younger men and women, although that may be typical of younger people of all generations, and they'll eventually grow and smarten up.
Myth #4: If you're over, say, 35, you have more likelihood of being killed by a terrorist than getting married again.
Bust says this is hooey, but I have to say, from my experience it's not. Guys my age are looking for women younger than they are. Or they're commitment phobic or extremely damaged and thus not good material for a relationship. The only guys interested in a woman my age are in the 18-25 year old range, and then it's for one reason and one reason alone: sexual experience and confidence. They're not interested in an actual relationship.
Of course, this town sucks for dating, so I may be a bit biased on this one.
Myth #5: Women who are unmarried are pathetic losers who will end up tragically eaten by their cats when they die of old age.
I think this one is losing traction, but it's still definitely there. There are so many women out there who seem to date guys that they don't really like all that much, just so they won't be alone. There's still a sense that a woman is somehow pathetic if she's not dating someone -- that she's incomplete as a person.
And yet, this stereotype doesn't exist for men.
I'm going to quote a few final things here, just to show you the grasp these stereotypes still have in our society.
"When there are three women for every two men graduating from college, whom will the third woman marry?"
John Tierney, The New York Times, 1/3/06
"Guys: a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career."
Michael Noer, Forbes.com, 8/22/06
"Some of the smartest women.. think they are too educated or talented to be passive, play games or do The Rules. They feel their diplomas and paychecks entitle them to do more in life than wait for the phone to ring. These women, we assure you, always end up heartbroken when their forwardness is rebuffed."
Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider, The Rules, 1994
Personally, I'm stupefied by the above quotes.
