So...
I found out that my ex who i had moved from NY to Arizona for had indeed cheated on me. Not that i should be surprised all the signs had been there, And i picked up on them but ignored them as my heart would not allow me to believe she did anything more then keep close friends.
All the hard work i had done over the last few days to get my self control back was just ruined in one foul swoop. In black and white she wrote
"I have cheated in my past relationship alright! I know how it feels to be cheated on and to cheat on another person"
Her last relationship had been with me.... It ended because i was and still am a soldier and i did not bring in the knid of money she wanted and since daddy owns a dealership i could not compete with a 5 and 6 number salery... Hell i could only wish i made such money.
But i was a good and loyal mate, no one ever cought my eye and no one else had my heart when her and i were together.
But yet now i feel worse because the fact i have a mate, a woman who i have known since i was the ripe age of 13. And though we have had problems i love her very much... Not that there isnt a confusing situation there too with the fighting we have done in the past though i am hoping perhaps that in time that will settle and life might get back to normal.
So do i have rights in my feelings? Should i feel so wounded to find out the one thing no man wants to hear ? even though that relationship is long over? and i have a mate who i know at least will not cheat on me even with the fact i am not yet home.
*sighs* All i thought i knew suddenly is ripped off its foundation and sent for a spin. I Love my mate she is my world but yet i still hold enough feelings for my ex that the final card has fallen and the truth that she was disloyal to me while being with me comes to light and it sends a knife to that little spot where i still hold some feeling for her.
I know deep down in a sence there is no wound that stays so fresh like that of an unloyal mate.
To the gods i wish that it would heal for then at least i could rid myself of the little feelings i still possess for my ex.
And possibly move on in that chapter of my life.
Not that i havnt already obviously but i guess alittle part of me remains in that past. A past never meant to be
