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Devilwolf84's blog: "Army Blog"

created on 09/14/2006  |  http://fubar.com/army-blog/b458
I don't know if im strong enough to get threw this. Now of all times i am not sure that i will make it threw the night knowing at any point in time the phone will ring and it will give us the news that he's not with us anymore. I'm trying so hard to be strong and i'm not doing a very good job of it, I find myself slowly losing grip of everything. Everyone is counting on me being strong but im not sure i can be i dont think i can make it threw this i feel so lost. How will i manage this knowing everyone else will look to me for strength when i have no strength to give. I feel so powerless and there is nothing that i can do to change that, No matter my screams of pain or tear filled eyes will change the fate that we're all bound to. No it's not time yet it cant be he is suppose to live long enough to see his first great grand child. How could he be dying he was so strong, and how do you let go, I can't just say goodbye its impossible im not strong enough to do this not again. How can he look up and say he just wants to go when i still need help. he tells me to not cry that it's okay but my eyes are filling full of tears, i can feel them streaming down my face and no matter how much i beg to wake up from this nightmare it's not happening im still awake. How can this be how can this be right this isn't whats meant to be not yet. I'm sorry im not strong enough to do this, im not strong enough to make it threw this on my own , i can't be looked to for strength when i have none to give. Can't you see im on my knee's begging please not yet please don't let this happen not now not when i know i still need help i'm not ready to let go yet please dont make me please im not strong enough. This just isnt a person this is my blood this is my family this is one of the most important people in my life and he wants to just die and go and be with his brothers and family and i should let him but i want to be greedy i need to be greedy this isnt fair how can this be happening now. No it cant be please someone wake me up please let this be some horrible dream please grampa please dont let go yet please dont you need to stay here with us please you promised me!!! You promised me that you were going to be around to see your first great grandchild your not allowed to leave yet. I still need help... I'm not strong enough to do this im not strong enough to let you go not now not yet please don't make me. Why is this happening why cant this be some horrible dream. Please stop looking at me like im so strong im not im weak im on my knee's with these tears in my eyes because i know whats coming next i know what happens when that phone rings that last time. God please don't take him yet not yet i'm not ready to let go like this....
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