Borderline Personality Disorder, a discusion by Crystal Grimes.
Borderline personality disorder is described as "a mental health condition that causes unstable emotions, impulsiveness, relationship problems, and an unstable self-image. People with the disorder often behave self-destructively, have problems managing anger, and have an intense fear of being rejected and left alone (abandoned). They often also struggle with other conditions such as depression, eating disorders, or substance abuse problems."
I have done quite a bit of research on this topic, the symptoms of the disorder, and the likelyhood that one would be diagnosed with it... I found that it is said that only 2% of the worlds general population are diagnosed with borderline, and 75% of those people, are women. Now I find this interesting that so few people are diagnosed, and I started to ponder why that may be... Out of the many people I have met during my last few years battling my manic depression and borderline, I have met quite a few people who are going through the same as me. Some of them have not seen doctors due to health insurance issues, some don't think they need help or can "self-medicate", and others actually do get the help they need. But if all the people that I know who claim have this, or a related disorder, are not diagnosed, could they be faking?
I hear everyday from people, such as family or old friends, that what goes on with me, is purely in my head. Well, in a way you are right... My brain does control my personality, my moods, and is a large part of what I say and do. However, what it is in my head is a chemical imbalance... causing what some may call a "mental illness". A person with borderline personality disorder will suffer from any of the following systoms: aggressive behavior, difficulty controlling emotions and impulses, problems with unstable and intense relationships, a low sense of self-worth, and frantic anxiety about being abandoned, feelings of emptiness, frequent and sometimes violent temper tantrums, self-injury (such as cutting or burning yourself), and suicidal behavior. But what I really set out to do here while researching, was find why they consider the 2% of us who have these problems "crazy"? Do we really need to be instatutionalized?
To my knowledge everyone who has expirenced a break up of some sort has felt empty. Everyone who has gotten mad in their life, has expressed agressive behavior. People who have lost loved ones, or pets, or anything dear to them for that matter, have had dificulty controlling their emotions... I do understand that we with this "disorder" have these "symptoms" far more often than those without, but the point is, everything we go through, others who are considered "normal", or "mentally healthy", have expirenced the same at one point or another.
No doctor will agree upon what makes a person "normal", nor will their ever be two perspectives of "normal" that will be the same. This presents the question, who has decided what normal is? And just because we are highly emotional, and enjoy self-infliction, does this mean we need to be put away? In my beliefs the instituion is an unconstitutional way to strip us from our rights and our own beliefs to make a mind believe one persons theory of "normal".
Have you ever spent a single night in a crisis center? During one of my breakdowns I decided to "get away" from everything by checking myself into one nearby where I was living. I thought nothing of just a night, and signed the paper comiting myself. "It will be good to me out of this enviroment" I thought... "if only for a night". The check-in looked welcoming and I had no fear of doing this freely... Until they walked me through the doors. I was stripped of my shoe laces, and anything I may have had on me, and taken to a small room full of people who were waiting to be seen by the therapist. But it was 7 at night, and she would not be in until 9AM the following morning. Like prisoners we would walk in a line to a cafeteria for a jail styled meal. We had a payphone we could use, but no money to make a call. The toliet was cold steal and the door did not lock. The facility floors were covered in dirt and people down the halls screamed for no reason. We weren't allowed outside food, no teddy bear for comfort, and they were out of blankets in the freezing room where we were forced to sleep on our chairs. And I wondered to myself, how is this a crisis center? They didn't help me to feel any better than I did going in, and only put me in a crisis trying to wait to get out. The only way I can see this working is that you are so scared to go back to the place that either your next attempt at suicide better work, or you better be so happy youre not in the place, that you now enjoy life.
I feel that people with Borderline Personality Disorder are much more common than a meer 2%. And I believe that even though we feel we are alone, we are not. And we do not need to be put in a center, or locked away until we tell some doctor what they want to hear... we need to know it's okay to be ourselves and to feel the way we do. We have borederline, and we are damn proud to be unique, to be us, and to be our own NORMAL.
--- This is for everyone who "suffers" from Borderline Personality Disorder, Bi Polor or Manic Depression, Anxiety and Panic Attacks, ADD or ADHD, Parnoia, Skitsophrenia, and every other illness they create to tell us we're different... You are not alone. Stand up. Be Proud. Fight the system!
