Martin Luther King Day was on the 15th. He was such a great speaker. He could really get people inspired. Now today we have George Bush and Arnold Schwarzenegger. They make you reach for the dictionary.
Connecticut Senator Christopher Dodd is running for president. He says that he was been having conversations with the mirror over running. The bad news is today the mirror said that it favors Barack Obama.
President Bush says that his new plan will ensure that every Iraqi gets a piece of the oil business. Unlike here where the oil business gets a piece of every American.
International soccer star David Beckham has signed a $250 million deal to play here in L.A. He’s very popular. People say he could make a huge impact on the way Americans ignore soccer. To give you an idea of how popular he is today an L.A. jury awarded him a not guilty sentence for any future murders. A lot of British people are upset over Beckham’s move. They don’t think it’s right for a Brit to come to America and take a good paying job away from a Mexican.
The New Orleans Saints beat the Philadelphia Eagles 27 to 24 on Saturday in the NFL playoffs. New Orleans did it without the help of FEMA. This marks the first time people in New Orleans stood and cheered for a guy named Bush (Reggie Bush).
Actor Neil Patrick Harris who played Doggie Howser and now stars in the show "How I Met Your Mother” has announced that he is gay. As a result the show has been changed to "How I Met Your Father”.
Fans of Elton John were shocked when at a recent concert he said the "F word” 15 times in under one minute. Fans say that was just what "Candle In The Wind” needed.
Did you see President Bush last night on ’60 Minutes’? Bush said we are in an ideological struggle with evil-doers. Ideological struggle with evil-doers – I think he is talking about the Democrats. Bush admitted to making mistakes in Iraq and says that he has learned from these mistakes and will do better in Iran.....and in the interview, President Bush said that popularity is not his goal. Popularity is not his goal, and I thought, well, ‘Mission accomplished.’
Guess what? It's still cold in California! It was so cold today that Al Gore was giving a speech on global warming and he got pelted with snowballs. It was so cold Barack Obama threw his hat into the ring and then put it back on. It was so cold that the accuser in the Duke Lacrosse Team case changed her story to the ice hockey team. It was so cold O.J. had gloves on and he wasn't even killing anybody.
The Golden Globes happened in Hollywood. It marked the start of the Hollywood award season. As you know the season runs from January 1st to December 31st. Britney Spears won an award for best net photo. A lot of people were surprised last night on the Golden Globes that ‘Apocalypto’ lost. And you know who Mel Gibson is blaming that on! But, you know who won was that ‘Borat’ guy. Yeah, he was – and then he got up to say a few words and he was the wacky foreigner with the accent saying unintelligible things and he – no, that was Arnold Schwarzenegger.”
Senator Hillary Clinton is back from her fact finding trip to Iraq. She found a lot of good facts – like the fact that in Iraq they hang people for adultery.
David Beckham is coming to the United States. People say he could make a huge impact on the way Americans ignore soccer.
Someone else is now running for president in 2008. Tom Tancredo. Today Tancredo started an exploratory committee for a presidential bid. So far the only member of the committee is Tom Tancredo.
"American Idol” began its sixth season. Unfortunately Paula Abdul only remembers three of them.
A new international survey has found that American believe in evolution less than any other industrialized nation. When asked why, Americans pointed to Kevin Federline.
The first womb transplant is going to be preformed in the United States soon. That’s right, a womb transplant. The procedure costs a lot of money. But not as much as a womb with a view.
The New York Times says that more women are now living without a husband. The worst part about women living alone is that they no longer have anyone at home to not listen to them.
A skull was found in Romania that has both human and Neanderthal features. Scientists believe this could be the oldest Oakland Raiders fan.
San Diego Chargers coach Marty Schottenheimer is going to stay with the team. There was thought he might have been fired or he might leave. He’s staying. The Chargers got upset by the New England Patriots. This is like the 6th big playoff game he’s lost in a row. He has a reputation for not being able to win the big one. Sort of like a Democrat presidential candidate.
According to "Consumer Research” more people are drinking soda for breakfast. It’s become the new orange juice. Maybe in the trailer park where Yoo-hoo is the new champagne!
Donald Trump now has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. So it’s official: Hollywood is out of stars. Then at the Golden Globes his hair won an award for best special effects. At the ceremony Donald became so choked up that he forgot to say that Rosie is fat.
Arnold Schwarzenegger is only taking a little medication for pain for his broken leg. In fact last night I think he was the least medicated person at the Golden Globes.
Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are moving to New Orleans to escape the media. Do you think that will work? At least FEMA will ignore them.
President Bush is expected for the first time in his State of the Union address to talk about global warming. He doesn't want to, but it's either that or talk about Iraq. Right now, global warming is looking pretty good to him. President Bush has terrific timing, doesn't he? The nation is never more open to hear about global warming than in the middle of a deep freeze in January. President Bush has a plan to fight global warming . . . He’s going to reinstate Pluto.
Sen. Hillary Clinton is back from her fact-finding tour of Iraq. She cut the trip short to address a growing threat here at home . . . Barack Obama. In her first press conference after her trip overseas, Hillary Clinton said she thinks we need to send more men to Afghanistan. The men she wants to send? John Edwards and Barack Obama.
Barack Obama said today that politics has become too gummed up by money and influence. And then he had to leave to attend a fund-raiser.
Hugh Hefner, of Playboy magazine, is 80 years old.....and he wants to have another child. Great.....something else to piss off Rosie O’Donnell.
Sen Barack Obama is telling everyone about his past drug use. Pollsters say his candor is now boosting his numbers. So we shouldn’t be surprised to see a video on Dennis Kucinich that says, "Presidential candidate Dennis Kicinich would like America to know that before every speech, he gets ripped on vodka.”
How long has Rosie O'Donnell been on "The View” now? Already she's attacked Kelly Ripa, Donald Trump, and "American Idol.” Rosie O'Donnell clearly hates America. With the possible exception of hot dogs and apple pie, she hates this country. There are stories now that say Rosie will leave "The View” to do her own show. Democrats, I guess, want her to withdraw from "The View” immediately, but President Bush says if she pulls out before Barbara is destroyed, anarchy will rule, and terrorists will win.
Lindsay Lohan has checked herself into rehab. She's smart; she's getting her rehab out of the way before she's legally old enough to drink.
The Prime Minister of Iraq said in a speech yesterday that he wants the United States to leave Iraq but to leave their weapons. He also said to leave light bulbs and about $400 million dollars.
Former President Bush is going to celebrate his 85th birthday by jumping out of a plane. So for one minute there will be two Bushs in a free fall.
O.J. Simpson’s agent says that there are at least three offers from publishers for O.J.’s memoirs. The book will be called "Tuesday’s With Stabbie”.
A bill is in the California legislature that would ban spanking. So good news for kids but bad news for the porn industry.
A research group has found that many of Wal-Mart’s advertised organic foods are not organic. So they are now suing Wal-Mart. Maybe the first clue that it wasn’t organic was that it was found at Wal-Mart?! Even the employees at Wal-Mart aren’t natural.
This is an odd story. In England a man swallowed a diamond ring while a shopkeeper was turned away at a jewelry store. He was caught on video cameras. He was arrested and then they waited three days for the ring to pass. I’m guessing that the women the ring was for said no.
TV’s "American Idol” is back. Like 85 billion people watched it last night, something like that. Not all the critics are happy with the first show which features all the bad singers and the judges criticizing them. When addressing critics Paula Abdul said, "I can’t help it. I’m a mean a drunk.”
Many Muslim-Americans are outraged over how Muslims are being depicted on the new season of the Fox show "24”. A Fox spokesman said, "If they’re upset now, they should see how they are portrayed on Fox News.”
"Forbes” magazine has released its list of the 20 richest women in show business and Oprah is number one. Numbers two through twenty belonged to people in her audience.
The Reverend Jesse Jackson says that he will endorse Barack Obama. Experts say that this is risky for Jackson because not much rhymes with Obama.
It snowed at Barbra Streisand’s hometown of Malibu. President Bush said, "What happened? Hell has frozen over.”
And in the Scooter Libby trial, the defense is looking for people for the jury who trust Dick Cheney. Unfortunately, most of the people who trust Dick Cheney have been indicted.
There’s still a lot of criticism over the Saddam Hussein hanging. The way I see it, Saddam died doing what he loved . . . attending an execution. Here was his big chance to take part.....speaking of that, there's a special in Baghdad: Hang one, get one free.
Exciting news if you are a New Yorker. There were no new murders until Jan. 13. That new $100 dollar fine for killing a guy is really paying off.
The 19th is the anniversary of the microwave oven. Forty years ago they developed the microwave oven. Or as Kirstie Alley calls it, the world's longest 30-second wait.
Another anniversary. The first can of Beer. Incidently, the opening of a can of beer is the sound that lets people know Rose O'Donnell is in the building.
A chimp gave birth at a place called Chimp Haven in Louisiana. Why is this unusual? All the male chimps in the facility are given vasectomies. Maybe it was an immaculate conception. How else can you explain the three wise chimps who showed up? They’re still doing DNA tests, but they’ve narrowed the list of potential fathers down to three: Jimoh, who they say is very athletic; Magnum, who is the youngest of the group at 17; and Kevin Federline.
James Brown is dead, but he hasn’t been buried yet. Even though he died on Christmas Day, his body is being kept in a cold room at his house in South Carolina, until his family finishes his mausoleum. I read somewhere you shouldn’t keep James Brown refrigerated for more then as few weeks . . . anyway, hopefully they’ll get him in there before he becomes James Green.
I got some details on Lindsay Lohan’s rehab facilities. They have an onsite gourmet chef, personal trainers, beauty consultants, swimming pools, yoga, meditation . . . But you’re only allowed to leave to go to work, parties, weddings, and Lake Havasu for spring break. I was planning to take a trip to Cabo San Lucas this summer, but now, I’m thinking maybe I’ll become an alcoholic instead!
