Well there is is..the truth. Everyone thinks they want the truth...then yo ufinally know it..and it's like someone ripped your guts out. I just had my 3 year anniversarry on the 6th of Dec. with my husband. No, I have not been happy for quite sometime,... but somehow deep down I still loved him nonetheless. In my heart of hearts i was hoping that before February (the deadline i had set for myself to get out if thing didn;t improve) that somehow a miracle would happen and things between us would change. I mean It's a scary daunting task looming in the wings, being single again. That's a scary place to be.... alone w/no certanty. But then again..marriage is no guarentee either.
Things have been really rough..for over 2 years now..but i was trying to ride it out. But the last 2 months or so i was baisically ready to throw in the towell. But i am a woman of morals and sensitivity beyond doing anyone person any real good. And i never once even kissed another man the whole time we have been together,... i am guilty of the occasionall flirt every now and then,...but in my defense it has been in place of much needed affection and attention i wasn't getting at home. If it had been up to me I would have much rather had the affection of my husband than have some random stranger flirt w/me online.
I don't know why this is such a big shock to me, seeings how i have suspected it for sometime..but i have finally found out that my husabnd has been cheating on me. And he is finally admitting to it as well.... I have had my suspiscions and had random girls calling the house..but i was choosing to beleive his adament denials. Finally last night i found over 30+ texts from a woman I had accused him of being with before,,,he had claimed there was nothing going on.. Last night i exploded and told him i had been planning on leaving him due to his lack of affection and he needed to tell me the truth if anything was gonna work. And he fessed up..to all 2 + years of lies.
i am so through..... i am worth so much more. I dserve so much better. He doesnt deserve my tears anymore. It's time for me to join the real world again and start living my life for me and my kids again. I deserve to have the possibilty of finding true love if it reallt does exist..cuz lord knows i ain't gonna find it staying here getting mind fucked daily by a man tha could give a shit less about the happiness or well being of me or my children. How do i keep falling into the same trap??? How do these men find me? I know i am not free of faults... but does that mean i should be doomed to a life of pain solitude and suffering? I go to church..kiss my baies to sleep..and honored my husband through plenty of trial and tribualtions...jail... drugs ....alcholisum..lies..gambling..destitude... giving birth to our daughter alone..as well as attending everysingle dr appt alone...dealing with the loss of our first daughter alone...and much more than i care to go into detail. Yes..my house is cluttered...I have 3 kids and no storage..sue me. I don't think in any rhealm of reason this or my illnesses deam the ill will and adultery that has been bestowed upon me.. am I worng?
