more updates.... yay rah!
So, surgery went well. I got a fabulous new scar on my neck, bout 4 inches long. No cancer... YAY! so.... you have a "mystery disease" WTF?! yes ma'am' I'm sorry i don't have the definitive diagnosis we were looking for.. but you are definitely a very ill woman. Gee, thanks.. that's promising. what do we do?.. well.. you get to go to an infectious disease specialist to be tested for Epsom Bar and Lyme's disease and that's just a start point. those are the 2 most painless to get done. wow, great. cuz i didn't go through enough when i was doing chem and rad and steroids treatments/tests. And being led to believe i had hodgkins lymphoma. .
So, how did the after surgery go you ask? oh that was swell too! my mom wanted me to go home to the burg and stay with her and my sis so they could take care of me and my kids. d.j. insisted he wanted to take care of me, and that he wanted to be there for surgery. then he wants my mom ( whom is less than fond of him) to take him to work and leave me in the hospital recovery alone so he didn't have to miss a full day work. for those who don't know. he has no licence, and therefor cant drive. now i know you may be thinking, whats the big deal? why is this an unreasonable request?. well it's a like 40 minute round trip at least. I was having complications, vomiting blood and severe pain. AND, i cant go home alone!!!! He wants me to be left home alone till he gets off, which would be later than the usual 3 pm , because he wanted to make up the time he lost for the day. which would be fine,.. cept.. I CANT BE LEFT ALONE! so i guess my mom just said no or ignored him. i dont know, as i was all kinds of doped between the anesthesia and the delodid and morphine i was getting. So we get home, and i get inside and get into bed. i don't remember much. but i didn't see d.j. at all, and i cant yell because the surgery was on my throat and its also raw from the tube. So if i wanted something. i had to fumble down the hall to get it. i e water etc. The next morning , he was supposed to get a ride to work,.. but instead i get woken up at 5 am to take him to work. i am soo out of it,, i don't remember the 1 hour drive.... at all! and i had a post op apt at 9: 30, i also drove myself to.... don't recall that either.. but i wrote a check for the co-pay.. so i guess i was there? he called 1 time in the am to check on me, then again at 2:30 to tell me he was gonna get a ride with mike, but they were gonna stop and get a quick beer, but he would be home soon. I woke again at 6 pm.. no d.j., i call.. he is in some club, not the dive he said he was going too,, and cant hear me,.. so he hangs up.. or i might have. he called back,.. and i asked if he was coming home soon.. he assured me they were finishing this beer & leaving. there is nothing in the fridge but out of date milk,.. and you cant drink the city water here w/out boiling it 1st. So i ask if he can get a few cans of soda from the bar before he leaves.. sure thing.. be right home. i take another pain pill and drift back off to sleep. 11:30 pm.. phone rings.. its him.. drunk.. are you hungry.. i look at the clock and start bawling.. were are you.. why aren't you home.. how could you leave me here all alone all day? he starts yelling and babbling so mike takes his phone and says its his fault,.. and he will be home in 10 minutes.. what can they get me? i said something to drink and a pack of smokes. i know i know.. not the best thing to be doing.. but i was stressed and needed to chill. he comes home 45 min later and its all my fault. i am mean.. blah blah blah.
the following days i took him to work mostly,.. and he got rides home, came strait home. but i got shit about being a bitch because he was stranded here with no way to go anywhere and i never came to the living room to talk to him. do you have no legs? can you not come in the bedroom and sit on our king sized bed and keep me company? I did try to talk to him on my many trips to the kitchen to fetch my own drinks etc.. To be fair,.. he did bring me dinner in bed one night, and i think he grabbed me a drink once or twice. but the rest was kinda like.. ummm yeah. oh,.. and i paid for what we ate with my child support,.. then got told i was a selfish bitch and i didn't give him any money. oh.. and FYI,.. the temp has decided to rise every day till our mobile home is like a sauna. I am in the only room in the house with out a working window during all this, and we are avoiding the ac as it is like the first one ever made ..literally.. and costs like 50 dollars a day to make it barely cool in here. I wake up and my hair is wetter than just outta the shower, and the bed is soaked clear through the sheets and pad clear down to the mattress. I go down the hall to talk to dj about finding a fan... he is passed out drunk.. again.. with the fan he dug out... set up on a box.. blowing on him.. cool as a cucumber!!! whats wrong with this picture?
i was with out my kids for 7 days, i have never been separated from them for more than like a few days,.. especially not all 3 at once! So when Thursday rolled around, it was time for me to go to docs for the results of the labs, which i explained above... and get my stitches out. I said i wanted to go get my kids.. he wanted to wait till like Friday.. prolly Saturday after he got off work. I was fed up,.. i had enough. i called him after my doc apt. (where i got no less than 6 calls from him to see if i was there and what i was doing etc...) I called him and said i was getting my kids.. period. I never stand up to him. ever. But i had enough money for gas,.. so i gassed up.. and headed to the burg... he called 11x on my 45 minute journey. I never answered because i was sick of fighting about it. I was told i was being selfish. i was sooo sick,.. why was i insisting on getting my kids? well.. i am taking care of my self anyway.. so why the hell not?
I get the kids... load them up.. strap them in.. put it in reverse.. phone rings.. i answer.. because its done now. he can't stop me now. OMG! i was accused of getting the stimulus check and stealing it from the mailbox and cashing it. i think i am some big shot high rolling bitch now i got some money. well its a federal offense to cash that without him signing. wrong,.. we are married.. i can legally cash his checks and him mine.. vice versa, just like credit card usage etc... with in 2 miles i had to pull over he had me crying so had. of course none of it was true. i would NEVER do any of that... but well.. that's how he thinks. i tell him if he is gonna act like this,.. ill just stay at my moms , i'm not bringing the kids home so they can listen to this.. he apologizes and says he wont. I hung up and turned the phone off, and headed home.
As a treat,.. i grabbed McDonald's for the whole family on the way home, i got in the drive,, he was waiting at the door.. red faced and angry. He shot me a dirty look and mumbles a few choice words and got Sophie out of the van. Leaving me, freshly unstitched to lugg in all the kid's bags and the dinner. the boys tried to help... but i just let them carry some of the dinner sacks.
the night was hell.. he ranted and raved.. accused me of stealing from him over a charge i made on my 1time a year out outing,.. my birthday night. when i was shitfaced and went to breakfast with my sister. i charged 26 dollars. who was with me??? fuck if i knew.. i didn't remember being there till right then. And that was just a blip. i mean fuck.. i got no gift,.. not a card.. and was handed 40 dollars when i left.. i came home and was told he wanted the change.. i gave him 29 dollars. i spent 11 bucks on drinks and 26 on drunken breakfast buffet. yeah .. i was cheating with fat GP scurveballs according to him :( Some where in this mess,.. my incision got ripped open and was bleeding.. i got it stopped and paged my doc.. and he made fun of me.. oh boo hoo.. shut up.. etc..
he followed me from room to room screaming at me,.. as i tried to diffuses things, got an explanation from my sober sister of the nights events,.. we went with 2 of her friends,, wtf!!!! i tried apologies,.. ignoring him.. walking away.. he was not gonna quit. out 3 year old baby girl followed him around crying and yelling "stop yelling at my mommy!!!" he would for like 2 minutes.. then get up to find me and start in again. He was even tormenting the kids. Everything i told them to do or not to do,.. he cane right behind me and demanded they do the opposite! and every time i turned around he was mocking my every move and making "his retard noise" at me. I broke down and flipped on the ac when i saw the thermostat was reading over 90... where it stops. And at bedtime.. it was still pretty warm in here with the 8th wonder of the world puttering along trying its best to do its job.
I got the boys in bed, and was getting Sophi ready, whom was completely stressed from the nights events and the heat, and he picked a fight with me over what night gown to put on her. she wanted a winter long sleeved heavy one.. instead of a lightweight sleeveless summer one.. and he wouldn't back me up and was trying to wrestle her away from me to give her he wish. Just to be a jerk. i was totally overwhelmed at this point and gave up. He dressed her and tried to make her sleep on the couch with him while he watched wrestling at full blast chugging beers at light speed. She usually lays in our bed till asleep.. or near it.. then i move her to her crib. She wailed for 20 minutes while i listened to him bitch at her to sit still and "shut up".
I lost it.. got her , changed her and he tried to get her back from me and was screaming that i was a bitch and a whore etc.. i was bawling.. she was bawling,, he was boasting he was moving out this weekend.. he was staying at his mom's till Monday then he was moving in with mike.. i said.. go now.. i cant take it.. he refused.. and back pedaled. I got the phone and tried to call his mom,.. but in my frazzled state.. i dialed my mom by mistake. I asked her to just come here please and help me. she demanded i call the police and call her back. i didn't want to.. and she insisted that it was what needed to be done. I agreed, and hung up.. and called his mom.. she acted like i was being silly and said to have him call her.. he was screaming that i was crazy... i handed the phone to him.. where they have a convo about what an irrational schizo i am. and they hang up. she calls back. i answer, and say i don't even want to talk to you if you cant or wont help us. and hung up.
he went down the hall with Sophie, and i got his cell.. which i have never used,.. and frantically scrambled to get mike's number to beg him to come get him. he catches me and says give me my phone.. i say i will as soon as i get mikes number.. has said give it or ill break your arm.. i said go ahead.. he said give it or I'm gonna kill you.. 1.. 2... 5.. and grabs/twists it outta my hand. which jammed my finger bringing me to tears again. he laughed at me. i grabbed the home phone and Sophi and went to the bed room and closed the door. she calmed right down... here he comes as soon as she is quiet.. trying to drag her back to the living room.. i throw my arms and legs over her and scream get away from us.. and he left the room. i called the police .. because ei was terrified at that point.. i knew where this was going.. and i wasn't gonna get an ass whooping tonight.
the police came.. he was an ass.. accused me of being a drug addict.. when he has been popping off hitters all night long. And said look at this house.. she is am unfit mother.. take her to jail!.. i never asked fro any charges to be pressed.. i was vague about the nights events.. but the kids starting telling them about me bleeding and daddy hurt mommy's fingers and daddy screamed at us an mommy.. daddy called mommy a whore.. i still said no.. i wont press charges.. i am fine.. i need no medical assistance.. just get him outs here for the night. Well these just so happened to be some of the same cops that have been here before when he beat my ass and he was arrested for DUI and warrants etc.. they have had SEVERAL run ins with him.. all of which he resisted and once actually fist fought them. To where he had 6 cops with guns drawn on him. So yeah.. they wanted him.. he was being a dick.. they looked in my medicine which is stored in a locked steel security box now instead of the medicine cabinet,.. because he was getting in it and eating all my pain pills like they were pez. i told them this.. they look at the bottles and see my name one it.. see they are locked up.. and said thank you...
they walked him outside. came back and said he had 2 warrants in 2 different counties. He is on probation. I had no idea he had warrants. one was in this county.. the county he is on probation in. I cried and begged them not to jail him.. they did anyway.
he calls at 11 am the next morn (Friday) and wants so come to the house and come in and get his stuff. i said you aren't stepping foot in my home. When he left me last time, i let him see Sophie,.. and he tried to keep her. And since we are married..there is no custody order.. is he has her.. i cant get her back. I am no fool.. i knew what his plan was. He said fine..I'll call the cops and come get it.. i said that's a great idea. I grabbed his bag .. packed it with all i could,,, and grabbed hefty bags and sacked up the rest. grabbed a box for his nick knacks.. and had it on the porch when the cop got here. he was like.. thanks.. you just made my job real easy. with a big smile on his face. he rolls up with his mom and gets mad that he cant come in because i got all his stuff out. he said i forgot his phone charger, so i got it and gave it over. only to hear his mom and him begging the cop to take Sophie and give her to him. I am unfit. blah blah blah.
the cop comes in.. tells me whats going on.. says he will not take her from me, she is in no danger.. and that they said they were going to the states atty. office.. which he had advised then was a waste of time. because they could not do anything with out finding me unfit or that she is in danger. she is not.. He then advises me to wait an hour or so.. and head to the court house for an order of protection.
i wait,.. head to the court house..at the stop light 2 blocks away.. there they are.. walking out of hardee's. i put the pedal to the metal to get in the courthouse before they catch up. low and behold.. i am locking the van.. they pull up at the stoplight... watch my walk up toward the building with the kids, and turn the opposite direction.
i was there over 4 hours.. but i got an emergency order.. and the domestic violence coalition lawyer added an order for all 3 kids, and gave me sole custody of Sophie, and suspended all visitation rights till the hearing in 3 weeks. They added clauses so he can not turn of utilities or close bank accounts because he is the sole source of income, and that would be putting us all at risk. And he cant call, mail,, email,, send a message from a friend.. or come with in 400ft of any of us.
THEN i get home to find from my neighbor friend who just happens to work at the front office,.. DCFS has been here looking for me and poking around my house. He called them because i went to the court house to get a restraining order!
well.. that was a mouth full.. i am reeling.. i am happy.. but sad too.. i feel guilty.. but i know its what needs to be done. he is an alcoholic and a burnout, he wont change.. and just gets worse as time goes by. I am trying to take all of this in stride.. and am doing pretty well between crying jags, vomiting, panic attacks when ever i am in the bedroom. And trying to figure out how to help my 3 kids through this and get myself in a better place mentally, physically and financially.
heaven help me
love you all! Red
