Trailor Slut's blog: "tears of anger frustration and reletive stupidity"

So, my mom calls me Tuesday to let me know something funny. D.J. got bailed out for 700dollars by...... can you guess?.... Jeanie motherfucking tramp ass Clifford. The same bitch he has been lying to me about fucking since i was pregnant with his daughter. The same used up whore whom he said he only fucked because he was on meth at the time. the same bitch he had to go get a DNA test over . Yea,.. he almost fathered her son. The same whore who will be knocked up with his kid asap,.. i would put money on it that she is knocked up before the ink is dry on the divorce papers... which haven't even been drawn up yet. No mom, i didn't laugh No mom, I don't think it is humorous in any way shape or form. Sorry mom,... but i am still crazy in love with a man who treats/ed me like dog-shit stuck on his shoe. I haven't slept in a stretch of longer than 2 hours since the last night i saw him. The night i asked him to leave. I cant stand the smell of most food, let alone choke down much more than 1 meal a day. I was feeling weak, and sorry for him. I was clinging to the words he said that night. "If this is the last time i hear your voice ,.... it was worth it. I love you." I was on my way to a pawn broker to hock my wedding rings(passed down from my grandma) to get him out. I was seriously considering taking him home, to our home. And i found out,... he moved on. He used his 1 phone call to call her? He asked his mom to call her? What was that you said, you love me and you cant live with out me. Less than 36 hours later you move in with another woman? Women like me are the reason men get away with abuse in all and any of its forms. Why cops say whatever they think we want to hear while on sight of the call, then go back to the station and tell a different tale in their police report. We are the reason they laugh in our faces when we are pleading for help. We are the reason that a restraining order isn't worth the paper its written on. We are the reason Maury, Jerry and Steve Wilkos have jobs. We are the ones who are to stupid to see the forest for the trees. Of course we,.. is me. I am the reason for my own unhappiness. I am the reason if the unthinkable should happen. Its all me. I don't want your pity. I don't want your lies. I want my husband back, and to love me like he claimed. I want to put my family back together again. I want to make it right. I dont want to be a quitter. I AM AN IDIOT!!!

Why is my head spinning, why is my heart pounding, why does my chest hurt, why is my skin crawling, why wont the tears stop flowing, why are the wall closing in, why do i still care so much, why does my heart ache, why is my jaw clenched, why cant i breathe, am i covered in hives, why cant i sleep, why cant i eat, why wasn't i good enough, why couldn't i fix it, why am i so lost, why couldn't we just take a break, why try and take my daughter, why force me up against a wall, why tell me you hate me, why cant i be loved, why cant i love enough to heal the cracks, why couldn't i have friends, why couldn't you just talk to me, why couldn't we get help, why couldn't we go to counseling, why cant you lust make a clean break, why cant you love me for me, why cant you see that money doesn't mean anything to me, why did you have to play dirty, why did you stray, why did you stray so many times when i was here and all yours, why wasn't i ever good enough, why couldn't you see me, why couldn't you let me in, why why couldn't you trust me, why did you take it there, why did you say that, why did you consonantly tell me i was no one, why did you leave me for here to come back and be miserable, why couldn't you ever see that i was there in your corner, why couldn't you see i was eaten alive with worry for what was to come with all of your legalities, why couldn't you see me as your equal, why couldn't you love my son, why did you stop loving my other son, why was our daughter a bother, why couldn't you be here for me, why couldn't you be there fro them, why did you scream at them, why did you call them names, why couldn't you ever help me with the house, why did you make me feel like it was all unappreciated, why couldn't we be a team, why did i fail you, why did you stop loving me, why was i no longer a person to you, why did my thoughts never matter, why did my words go unheard, why would you try to take my kids from me and leave me no options but a restraining order to protect them, why did you go for the throat, why couldn't you just put the bottle down, why did you have to get "lost in grass", why couldn't we do it, why couldn't you just quit calling, why couldn't we just go our separate ways, why did you tell me you wanted to leave, why did you tell me you didn't want to be married to me any more, why when you left, did you and your whole family forget about 2 little boys who love you and so desperately just wanted your approval, why was it my fault for you having a tazwell warrant, why did you think i knew if YOU didn't know, why did you do everything possible to make sure the kids and I loose everything, why would you shut off the phone and want the rest of the stuff off too, why not give me a chance to get ahead without your help instead of trying to bury us in a hole with no way out, why after all of that do you call and tell me you love me and the kids, why did you wait till all that was done to tell me you needed me, why did you call and say that and follow it with more blame, why do you think this is about money, why cant you see its about us, why cant you see its about my kids growing up all fucked up, why cant you see its about me wanting to be somebody , why cant you see its about you not being happy, did you know that i still love you, did you know that i don't want to divorce you, did you know that I feel like its all my fault, did you know that i can see that it all isn't just me, did you know that i wanted to keep you in my children's lives, did you know i wanted us to both be better people.. so we can be better parents to 3 kids that never asked to be stuck in this, did you know i am so wracked with worry and guilt my hair is falling out and I have slept a total of 22 hours in 5 days, did you know that when i called the police again, i thought all your warrant stuff was cleared up, did you know i just wanted to get you served with the papers, did you know that i never went to the bank with the intentions of leaving you wiped out, did you know i just wanted to take the kids to the movie you promised them, did you know that i was just trying to buy toilet paper, did you know i worried about you everyday, did you know that i didn't do any of this to try and hurt you Do you know that i was tricked tonight, do you know that i am physically ill , do you know that i am shaking so hard that i can hardly type, do you know that i am in tears and literally freaking out, do you know that when they said they weren't serving you with the papers.... that you had more warrants i vomited on the spot, do you know i am on hour 5 almost 6 of a full blown panic attack, do you know i am actually trying to figure out how the hell to come up with your ridiculously high bond, do you know i even now am more worried about what you are feeling than me, do you know that i keep hearing you say" i just wanted to hear your voice one more time, and if i go to jail it was worth it just to hear your voice"., do you know i just want to go back to December 6 03 and start over, do you know i just wanted us to be sain i hope someone knows, because i don't. my heart is torn into a million pieces, and my mind is playing tricks on its self, i don't know up from down or left from right. I know what we were living was wrong. but i know that i lived and still live for those few precious moments of happiness we shared together. I know every relationship is hard, and anything worth having doesn't come easy. But i couldn't fix what was so terribly broken, i didn't & still don't know. I know i love you, i know i always will. I know i want that best for you, and jail is not it. I dont want you there. I wanted to fix things, not make it worse. Everything I touch turns to shit and my best intentions turned into one of the worst scenarios possible. I'm sorry. And i know you will probably never even see this. But i don't have anyone to talk to, and no one understands anyway. They either get mad at me for caring, or mad at me for what has happened. I just wanted to take control of my life and get myself financially sound. I wanted a better life for the kids, and for us to heal,... and know all this has blindsided me. And I don't know if any of us can come back from it intact. I feel guilty, and I'm sorry to you and the kids. I ruined it all again for all of us. I thought we could get fixed, and maybe be a real family, and a real marriage someday. But i don't know how that will ever happen now. i am so so so sorry

Once upon a time, there lived a girl. A girl who looked at the world through untainted eyes. A girl who looked at the world and believed she would grow up and make a difference. A girl who thought she would be different. A girl who knew she didn't quite fit the mold. A girl who's thoughts raced in her mind , sometimes to fast to understand shat she was even really thinking. A girl who secretly wanted to be accepted. A girl who was enraged by stereotypes, racism, bigotry and violence. A girl who raged with in her self. A girl who struggle to break free. Once upon a dreary, there was a girl . A girl who was abused and broken. A girl whose every dream and liveliness was stamped out. Once there was a girl that wanted love so much, that she grasped at love in all the wrong places. Once there was a girl, who was swallowed by circumstance and geography. Once there was a girl who swore she had learned from the mistakes she witnessed as a child, bore through her mother's pain. Once there was a girl who awoke to find her self trapped in repeating history. Once there was a girl who still believed that some way, some how, some day she had a chance. A chance to break the mold. A chance to change her world. Once upon a birthday of 30, there was a girl. Once there was a girl in this shell she doesn't recognize. Once there was a girl who wasn't brought up and surrounded in a pack of lies. Once there was a girl, who stood with tears in her eyes. Once there was a girl who was now a mother. A girl who loved her children above any other. Once there was a girl who loved her spouse, even though she was a prisoner in her own house. Once there was a girl , with a wounded soul, who reached fro her love, and found an empty hole. Today there stands a girl. Broken in every way. Who looks at her past in total dismay. How did it happen, where did it go? Where are the stars in my eyes, what happened to my goal? Today there is a girl, who isn't really a girl anymore. Who loves her husband still, and her children even more. How did I fail him, where was my fatal flaw? What was this struggle for, and did any of it matter at all? Someday there will be an answer, for a girl who is no more. Today she sits in silence,... wondering whats in store.

more updates.... yay rah! So, surgery went well. I got a fabulous new scar on my neck, bout 4 inches long. No cancer... YAY! so.... you have a "mystery disease" WTF?! yes ma'am' I'm sorry i don't have the definitive diagnosis we were looking for.. but you are definitely a very ill woman. Gee, thanks.. that's promising. what do we do?.. well.. you get to go to an infectious disease specialist to be tested for Epsom Bar and Lyme's disease and that's just a start point. those are the 2 most painless to get done. wow, great. cuz i didn't go through enough when i was doing chem and rad and steroids treatments/tests. And being led to believe i had hodgkins lymphoma. . So, how did the after surgery go you ask? oh that was swell too! my mom wanted me to go home to the burg and stay with her and my sis so they could take care of me and my kids. d.j. insisted he wanted to take care of me, and that he wanted to be there for surgery. then he wants my mom ( whom is less than fond of him) to take him to work and leave me in the hospital recovery alone so he didn't have to miss a full day work. for those who don't know. he has no licence, and therefor cant drive. now i know you may be thinking, whats the big deal? why is this an unreasonable request?. well it's a like 40 minute round trip at least. I was having complications, vomiting blood and severe pain. AND, i cant go home alone!!!! He wants me to be left home alone till he gets off, which would be later than the usual 3 pm , because he wanted to make up the time he lost for the day. which would be fine,.. cept.. I CANT BE LEFT ALONE! so i guess my mom just said no or ignored him. i dont know, as i was all kinds of doped between the anesthesia and the delodid and morphine i was getting. So we get home, and i get inside and get into bed. i don't remember much. but i didn't see d.j. at all, and i cant yell because the surgery was on my throat and its also raw from the tube. So if i wanted something. i had to fumble down the hall to get it. i e water etc. The next morning , he was supposed to get a ride to work,.. but instead i get woken up at 5 am to take him to work. i am soo out of it,, i don't remember the 1 hour drive.... at all! and i had a post op apt at 9: 30, i also drove myself to.... don't recall that either.. but i wrote a check for the co-pay.. so i guess i was there? he called 1 time in the am to check on me, then again at 2:30 to tell me he was gonna get a ride with mike, but they were gonna stop and get a quick beer, but he would be home soon. I woke again at 6 pm.. no d.j., i call.. he is in some club, not the dive he said he was going too,, and cant hear me,.. so he hangs up.. or i might have. he called back,.. and i asked if he was coming home soon.. he assured me they were finishing this beer & leaving. there is nothing in the fridge but out of date milk,.. and you cant drink the city water here w/out boiling it 1st. So i ask if he can get a few cans of soda from the bar before he leaves.. sure thing.. be right home. i take another pain pill and drift back off to sleep. 11:30 pm.. phone rings.. its him.. drunk.. are you hungry.. i look at the clock and start bawling.. were are you.. why aren't you home.. how could you leave me here all alone all day? he starts yelling and babbling so mike takes his phone and says its his fault,.. and he will be home in 10 minutes.. what can they get me? i said something to drink and a pack of smokes. i know i know.. not the best thing to be doing.. but i was stressed and needed to chill. he comes home 45 min later and its all my fault. i am mean.. blah blah blah. the following days i took him to work mostly,.. and he got rides home, came strait home. but i got shit about being a bitch because he was stranded here with no way to go anywhere and i never came to the living room to talk to him. do you have no legs? can you not come in the bedroom and sit on our king sized bed and keep me company? I did try to talk to him on my many trips to the kitchen to fetch my own drinks etc.. To be fair,.. he did bring me dinner in bed one night, and i think he grabbed me a drink once or twice. but the rest was kinda like.. ummm yeah. oh,.. and i paid for what we ate with my child support,.. then got told i was a selfish bitch and i didn't give him any money. oh.. and FYI,.. the temp has decided to rise every day till our mobile home is like a sauna. I am in the only room in the house with out a working window during all this, and we are avoiding the ac as it is like the first one ever made ..literally.. and costs like 50 dollars a day to make it barely cool in here. I wake up and my hair is wetter than just outta the shower, and the bed is soaked clear through the sheets and pad clear down to the mattress. I go down the hall to talk to dj about finding a fan... he is passed out drunk.. again.. with the fan he dug out... set up on a box.. blowing on him.. cool as a cucumber!!! whats wrong with this picture? i was with out my kids for 7 days, i have never been separated from them for more than like a few days,.. especially not all 3 at once! So when Thursday rolled around, it was time for me to go to docs for the results of the labs, which i explained above... and get my stitches out. I said i wanted to go get my kids.. he wanted to wait till like Friday.. prolly Saturday after he got off work. I was fed up,.. i had enough. i called him after my doc apt. (where i got no less than 6 calls from him to see if i was there and what i was doing etc...) I called him and said i was getting my kids.. period. I never stand up to him. ever. But i had enough money for gas,.. so i gassed up.. and headed to the burg... he called 11x on my 45 minute journey. I never answered because i was sick of fighting about it. I was told i was being selfish. i was sooo sick,.. why was i insisting on getting my kids? well.. i am taking care of my self anyway.. so why the hell not? I get the kids... load them up.. strap them in.. put it in reverse.. phone rings.. i answer.. because its done now. he can't stop me now. OMG! i was accused of getting the stimulus check and stealing it from the mailbox and cashing it. i think i am some big shot high rolling bitch now i got some money. well its a federal offense to cash that without him signing. wrong,.. we are married.. i can legally cash his checks and him mine.. vice versa, just like credit card usage etc... with in 2 miles i had to pull over he had me crying so had. of course none of it was true. i would NEVER do any of that... but well.. that's how he thinks. i tell him if he is gonna act like this,.. ill just stay at my moms , i'm not bringing the kids home so they can listen to this.. he apologizes and says he wont. I hung up and turned the phone off, and headed home. As a treat,.. i grabbed McDonald's for the whole family on the way home, i got in the drive,, he was waiting at the door.. red faced and angry. He shot me a dirty look and mumbles a few choice words and got Sophie out of the van. Leaving me, freshly unstitched to lugg in all the kid's bags and the dinner. the boys tried to help... but i just let them carry some of the dinner sacks. the night was hell.. he ranted and raved.. accused me of stealing from him over a charge i made on my 1time a year out outing,.. my birthday night. when i was shitfaced and went to breakfast with my sister. i charged 26 dollars. who was with me??? fuck if i knew.. i didn't remember being there till right then. And that was just a blip. i mean fuck.. i got no gift,.. not a card.. and was handed 40 dollars when i left.. i came home and was told he wanted the change.. i gave him 29 dollars. i spent 11 bucks on drinks and 26 on drunken breakfast buffet. yeah .. i was cheating with fat GP scurveballs according to him :( Some where in this mess,.. my incision got ripped open and was bleeding.. i got it stopped and paged my doc.. and he made fun of me.. oh boo hoo.. shut up.. etc.. he followed me from room to room screaming at me,.. as i tried to diffuses things, got an explanation from my sober sister of the nights events,.. we went with 2 of her friends,, wtf!!!! i tried apologies,.. ignoring him.. walking away.. he was not gonna quit. out 3 year old baby girl followed him around crying and yelling "stop yelling at my mommy!!!" he would for like 2 minutes.. then get up to find me and start in again. He was even tormenting the kids. Everything i told them to do or not to do,.. he cane right behind me and demanded they do the opposite! and every time i turned around he was mocking my every move and making "his retard noise" at me. I broke down and flipped on the ac when i saw the thermostat was reading over 90... where it stops. And at bedtime.. it was still pretty warm in here with the 8th wonder of the world puttering along trying its best to do its job. I got the boys in bed, and was getting Sophi ready, whom was completely stressed from the nights events and the heat, and he picked a fight with me over what night gown to put on her. she wanted a winter long sleeved heavy one.. instead of a lightweight sleeveless summer one.. and he wouldn't back me up and was trying to wrestle her away from me to give her he wish. Just to be a jerk. i was totally overwhelmed at this point and gave up. He dressed her and tried to make her sleep on the couch with him while he watched wrestling at full blast chugging beers at light speed. She usually lays in our bed till asleep.. or near it.. then i move her to her crib. She wailed for 20 minutes while i listened to him bitch at her to sit still and "shut up". I lost it.. got her , changed her and he tried to get her back from me and was screaming that i was a bitch and a whore etc.. i was bawling.. she was bawling,, he was boasting he was moving out this weekend.. he was staying at his mom's till Monday then he was moving in with mike.. i said.. go now.. i cant take it.. he refused.. and back pedaled. I got the phone and tried to call his mom,.. but in my frazzled state.. i dialed my mom by mistake. I asked her to just come here please and help me. she demanded i call the police and call her back. i didn't want to.. and she insisted that it was what needed to be done. I agreed, and hung up.. and called his mom.. she acted like i was being silly and said to have him call her.. he was screaming that i was crazy... i handed the phone to him.. where they have a convo about what an irrational schizo i am. and they hang up. she calls back. i answer, and say i don't even want to talk to you if you cant or wont help us. and hung up. he went down the hall with Sophie, and i got his cell.. which i have never used,.. and frantically scrambled to get mike's number to beg him to come get him. he catches me and says give me my phone.. i say i will as soon as i get mikes number.. has said give it or ill break your arm.. i said go ahead.. he said give it or I'm gonna kill you.. 1.. 2... 5.. and grabs/twists it outta my hand. which jammed my finger bringing me to tears again. he laughed at me. i grabbed the home phone and Sophi and went to the bed room and closed the door. she calmed right down... here he comes as soon as she is quiet.. trying to drag her back to the living room.. i throw my arms and legs over her and scream get away from us.. and he left the room. i called the police .. because ei was terrified at that point.. i knew where this was going.. and i wasn't gonna get an ass whooping tonight. the police came.. he was an ass.. accused me of being a drug addict.. when he has been popping off hitters all night long. And said look at this house.. she is am unfit mother.. take her to jail!.. i never asked fro any charges to be pressed.. i was vague about the nights events.. but the kids starting telling them about me bleeding and daddy hurt mommy's fingers and daddy screamed at us an mommy.. daddy called mommy a whore.. i still said no.. i wont press charges.. i am fine.. i need no medical assistance.. just get him outs here for the night. Well these just so happened to be some of the same cops that have been here before when he beat my ass and he was arrested for DUI and warrants etc.. they have had SEVERAL run ins with him.. all of which he resisted and once actually fist fought them. To where he had 6 cops with guns drawn on him. So yeah.. they wanted him.. he was being a dick.. they looked in my medicine which is stored in a locked steel security box now instead of the medicine cabinet,.. because he was getting in it and eating all my pain pills like they were pez. i told them this.. they look at the bottles and see my name one it.. see they are locked up.. and said thank you... they walked him outside. came back and said he had 2 warrants in 2 different counties. He is on probation. I had no idea he had warrants. one was in this county.. the county he is on probation in. I cried and begged them not to jail him.. they did anyway. he calls at 11 am the next morn (Friday) and wants so come to the house and come in and get his stuff. i said you aren't stepping foot in my home. When he left me last time, i let him see Sophie,.. and he tried to keep her. And since we are married..there is no custody order.. is he has her.. i cant get her back. I am no fool.. i knew what his plan was. He said fine..I'll call the cops and come get it.. i said that's a great idea. I grabbed his bag .. packed it with all i could,,, and grabbed hefty bags and sacked up the rest. grabbed a box for his nick knacks.. and had it on the porch when the cop got here. he was like.. thanks.. you just made my job real easy. with a big smile on his face. he rolls up with his mom and gets mad that he cant come in because i got all his stuff out. he said i forgot his phone charger, so i got it and gave it over. only to hear his mom and him begging the cop to take Sophie and give her to him. I am unfit. blah blah blah. the cop comes in.. tells me whats going on.. says he will not take her from me, she is in no danger.. and that they said they were going to the states atty. office.. which he had advised then was a waste of time. because they could not do anything with out finding me unfit or that she is in danger. she is not.. He then advises me to wait an hour or so.. and head to the court house for an order of protection. i wait,.. head to the court house..at the stop light 2 blocks away.. there they are.. walking out of hardee's. i put the pedal to the metal to get in the courthouse before they catch up. low and behold.. i am locking the van.. they pull up at the stoplight... watch my walk up toward the building with the kids, and turn the opposite direction. i was there over 4 hours.. but i got an emergency order.. and the domestic violence coalition lawyer added an order for all 3 kids, and gave me sole custody of Sophie, and suspended all visitation rights till the hearing in 3 weeks. They added clauses so he can not turn of utilities or close bank accounts because he is the sole source of income, and that would be putting us all at risk. And he cant call, mail,, email,, send a message from a friend.. or come with in 400ft of any of us. THEN i get home to find from my neighbor friend who just happens to work at the front office,.. DCFS has been here looking for me and poking around my house. He called them because i went to the court house to get a restraining order! well.. that was a mouth full.. i am reeling.. i am happy.. but sad too.. i feel guilty.. but i know its what needs to be done. he is an alcoholic and a burnout, he wont change.. and just gets worse as time goes by. I am trying to take all of this in stride.. and am doing pretty well between crying jags, vomiting, panic attacks when ever i am in the bedroom. And trying to figure out how to help my 3 kids through this and get myself in a better place mentally, physically and financially. heaven help me love you all! Red

First I want to say thank you to everyone who has been helping me on my mission to gather enough fubux for that all elusive spotlight!!! Yet it seems the closer I get,.. the more costly it becomes :( Secondly, to the 325+ persons who have sent me addy's. I have taken on a new personal policy to fan & rate every person whom I add from now on, I also have been leaving them a personal comment at the same time. I used to just hit accept all to my friend requests... but then I felt bad that I wasn't returning the love that has been so kindly bestowed upon me. I have been dreadfully tired and sick, and have had horrible marital problems going on since 2 days before Christmas.D.J. & I split, then got back together,.. and are right back to being miserable and fighting daily.. oh well.. I gave it the good ole Navy try! The medical stuff has been going on since October of last year. And for those of you who don't know.... I have multiple enlarged lymph nodes in my neck (tumors) and blood tests that have come back indicating that I have hodgkins lymphoma or possibly leukemia. We don't know for sure till we biopsy, but they have been putting that on hold because of the risks involved with the surgery to do so. So instead I have undergone massive rounds of steroids and antibiotics, as well as a little chemo and radiation to see if and how they respond. Nothing has really happened on the good side, I instead have gained 3-5 more tumors/nodes. I have just gotten a new specialist and he did a special CT scan, and today 5/27 I am going in for a full physical /workup & history. And on Thursday 5/29. I will be going in to have 2 or more tumors/nodes removed completely to biopsy. This is a good thing,.. but there is a real risk of paralysis of the tongue face or vocal chords.But Doc says this will be a 100% way to figure out if it is the before mentioned ailments, or if it is a secondary cancer (which means the real cancer is SOMEWHERE else in my body and the cells from that cancer have traveled & "metastasized" in the nodes) Sarcoidosis or whatever the frick this shit is!!! LOL Thank god I will at the very least have some sort of answer! So wish me the best. I am telling you all this now because i want to apologize for neglecting all my dear friends, and my new one/soon to be new ones... and fear more neglect will be soon to follow. But I will be back to annoy you all A.S.A.P.!!! Till Then,.... All my love and respect Redneck P.S. There is a chance this will be an extended hospital stay. So If I am not on here by lets say Saturday 5/31, I will have my sister blog updates on her page here. If you don't already have her on your list.... here is the link to her profile http://www.myspace.com/style420 Her name is Missy if you aren't already acquainted and I will let her know some of my friends may be contacting her to "check up on me" via myspace. So feel free to message her as well if you want more info than what gets posted, I just got off the phone with her and told her she may be getting "Myspace accosted" by a few strange people.. but not to worry.. none of you bite.. and for those of you who do.. you've had your rabies & distemper shots!! ROTFLMAO .. seriously.. I love YOU ALL!

WWE Hall of Famer The Fabulous Moolah Passes Away Date Added: November 03, 2007 Story By: Marc Middleton - WWE.com has announced the passing of WWE Hall of Famer, The Fabulous Moolah. Apparently Moolah passed away last night sometime. On behalf of everyone here at the site, our condolences go out to the family of Moolah. No cause of death has been confirmed yet, but WWE should release more details soon. It's believed Moolah was 84.

this is nothin special.. a friend is having problems posting pics in their blogs so i decided to try to do it myself.. btw.. this is my daughter napping.. ttys..HUGS~

I have been finding myself nore and more disallusioned with the whole points rank race on here. I am doome spending noney on blast to have people who really dont give 2 hoots to rate me etc.. to be deleted when i am not here to listen to their every perverted shout and or fu mail. So I am here to officially surrender my redneck crown. Delete me if you will.. i know the good ones will stay. Ad for my recent hit and miss interactions via the web. I can only say sorry and let you knwo it has been due to a lack of motivation to deal with all the fu crap. I have 3 kids and a rocky marriage to deal with.. a house and yard full of chores. Dr apptns. cub scouts.. pta... church , yes you heard me church, and a whole slew of other things to keep me occupied. On another note.. i am going to try to take this blogging thing a bit more seriously.. no more silly posts.. if i have nothing to say.. i wont be posting. PART 2.. new blog My weekend has been draining. i spent close to 6 hours,, yes you heard me.. 6 hours cleaning my 2 boys's shared room yesterday. My urge was to hire an end loader and be done.. but i knew i had to do it right..so there went an entire day of stress and back breaking sorting though toys books clothes and 5 saks of junk i hauled to the curb. Its my fault really.. i was so tight reigned as a child.. i let them get away with entirely too much. But they are good kids. And they have a life time to clean all day. But i was weary from hearing video tapes crack and toys snap everytime i entered their domain. So i bit the bullet. Tonight was my son's 1st overnight visitation with his sperm donor. After 41/2 years he took me to court for visitation because he finaly decided he wants to be a "dad". ~GAGS~ Oh well.. im sure like his child support payments.. it wont last. Sad part.. my child will bare the wounds of his half assed efforts. But try telling some judge with a chip on his shoulder that... and get a threat of contempt charges. *rolls eyes* I called to check in and he was having fun.. but didnt want to get off the phone,... he missed me. I hate talking to sperm donar.. its like talking with a protocol droid. The droid informs me he is putting him to bed. Its 8:30. hahahaha... revenge.. this will be good.. this child odes not sleep.. cant wait for all the gorey details tomorrow. Mind melting.. cant think anymore.. more to follow.... ~Night~

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