As I sit here an cry. It's 5am in the morning. I was talking to a great friend that I'm now going to call my sister cause she is like a sister to me.. U know who u are. I was talking to her an crying at the same time. I miss my father soo much. I have been drinking since 1am wow 3 sparks 7.0 alch. I dont care, ya i get sad when I drink cause I have no one next to me to hug or cuddle with. Ya people may think i feel sorry for myself but i dont its life. I hate the way my life is going, i hate that im single, i hope im not single soon *as i mean very soon* I hate that i have to work but its the only way to live an not live off of the states money. My good friend an i have talked tonight... im going to mil. on april 27th after work so meaning ill be there around 3-4 am an coming back home on april 30th.. going to spend the weekend with her an my family, yes she is going to meet my family. I havent seen my family since my daddys funeral which was 8 months ago so im going to go see them... its time to go there an drink an have our tears all come out together. I wish i was here right now but there are a couple things that are stopping me from dying. I know one is my father telling me there is one person in this world that needs me right now for a while......... an the rest hmm ill have to figure that out later i guess. Wow almost 9 months as of april 9th he has been gone an it hurts alot. The other night at work when we had thunderstorms an stuff like that i was standing outside having a cig an started to cry, it reminded me of alot of things i mean memories.. ALOT OF memories. Everytime we have a thunderstorm my dad an i would lay in his bed while i'd give him a back rub an we talk about how good we would sleep that night and misty would be laying at the end of the bed crying her eyes out cause she scared of storms. Right now honestly I wish I was with him. I didnt care who miss me or not, My dad was my life an I WANT HIM BACK NOW!!!!!!!!!!! :( WHY THE FUCK DOES THIS SHIT HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME, I'M FUCKEN YOUNG... My daddy don't get to walk me down the aile to get married he dont get to be there when I have his grandchilderen (IF I HAVE ANY) He dont get to see me grow up all the way... I MISS MY FUCKEN FATHER... I WANT HIM BACK :( YES I WANT HIM BACK... I cant stand living with out him anymore... I hyper fentaling here an want my daddy back now... i miss him sooo much. Ya so what i was an still am daddy's little girl an WANT HIM BACK... the only person that has been here for me every min to talk to me was Dena and girl I love u an thank u for that. I have never had someone that sat up all night to talk to me about thing thats going on through my head. Everyone else just avoids me or trys to avoids me.. I thank u soo much girl. Can i serously plz go run in the middle of the street an get hit by a car??? thats how bad things are right now.... grrr... time to do whatever i guess... LATERS....
