“Now and eternally your love”
Odd thing to start a blog with but I will get to that right now, so I was going through some old stuff of mine and came across a letter, and after hurting my heart by reading it I get to the end and there it is… the world’s biggest lie “Now and eternally your love” Or another variation of the sentence “Forever yours”.
I once made the mistake of saying those words and the one and only time I myself said them I got my heart ripped out with a dull knife, and again whenever a partner says those words to me I get the same thing… my hard meets a dull knife sometimes with rust on it... just to add flavour I guess.
Yes, I know its so melodramatic but just listen to me ok, its all a lie… they will never be yours forever, especially if they have to say it… in my 34 years on this world I have come to know that it is a lie… EVERY time someone says that to me they hurt me, so I have given up believing it. Why let myself get hurt with the world’s best lie?
Now I am going to do a burning soon so I can rid my soul of this pain left behind. Granted the pain is dulled now that I have my mates and I do love them greatly ^_^ they do make me happy and feel good but one cannot just leave the past… it will always be there to remind you of the horrors and pain.
I have been more and more depressed lately… not every day... just at random times it will spike really bad and leave me wondering why I even bother waking up, not like that’s not normal…. I ask that every day, but it is annoying that this happens more and more lately, just sitting here and suddenly I feel like crawling into a dark hole and staying there until the world goes away.
My planning for the trip to Texas is coming along well. I have the money for my passport all set now I just need to find someone who knows me and lives in Australia lol… I am surprisingly not the best at making long term friends in real life…. I know its super shocking :P but I do try… just not easy keeping them that’s all. Mmm Still working on losing weight but that’s coming along slow lol… think I’m done talking about the lies of humanity… though I have a tone more I COULD talk about… like the lie of peace, friendship, loyalty… but I will save those for another time I think.
Well that’s it for today ^_^ hope you all have a decent day/night.