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UNHAPPY!

I am really thinking of how this world can actually live with themselves sometimes. I am just glad it isn't me treating someone or doing something mean to another person. Being sick you see and get treated differently...whether it is someone feeling sorry for you, or someone just thinking you are a LAZY ASS! PLEASE READ THIS WITH YOUR HEART!! WHAT YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT ME My pain - My pain is not your pain. Taking your arthritis medication will not help me. I cannot work my pain out or shake it off. It is not even a pain that stays put. Today it is in my shoulder, but tomorrow it may be in my foot or gone. My pain is not well understood, but it is real. My fatigue - I am not merely tired. I am often in a severe state of exhaustion. I may want to participate in physical activities, but I can't. Please do not take this personally. If you saw me shopping in the mall yesterday, but I can't help you with yard work today, it isn't because I don't want to. I am, most likely, paying the price for stressing my muscles beyond their capability. My forgetfulness - Those of us who suffer from it call it brain fog. I may not remember your name, but I do remember you. I may not remember what I promised to do for you, even though you told me just seconds ago. My problem has nothing to do with my age, but may be related to sleep deprivation caused by chronic pain. I do not have a selective memory. On some days, I just don't have any short-term memory at all. My clumsiness - If I step on your toes or run into you five times in a crowd, I am not purposely targeting you. I do not have the muscle control for that. If you are behind me on the stairs, please be patient. These days, I take life and stairwells one step at a time. My depression - Yes, there are days when I would rather stay in bed or in the house or die. I have lost count of how many of Dr. Kevorkian's patients suffered from Chronic Pain as well as other related illnesses. Severe, unrelenting pain can cause depression. Your sincere concern and understanding can pull me back from the brink. Your snide remarks can tip me over the edge. My stress - My body does not handle stress well. If I have to give up my job, work part time, or handle my responsibilities from home, I'm not lazy. Everyday stresses make my symptoms worse and can incapacitate me completely. My weight - I may be fat or I may be skinny. Either way, it is not by choice. My body is not your body. My ability to control my appetite is broken, and nobody can tell me how to fix it. My need for therapy - If I get a massage every week, don't envy me. My massage is not your massage. Consider how a massage would feel if that charley horse you had in your leg last week was all over your body. Massaging it out was very painful, but it had to be done. My body is knot- filled. If I can stand the pain, regular massage can help, at least temporarily. My good days - If you see me smiling and functioning normally, don't assume I am well. I suffer from a chronic pain and fatigue illness with no cure. I can have my good days, weeks, or even months. In fact, the good days are what keep me going. My uniqueness - Even those who suffer from chronic pain are not alike. That means I may not have all of the problems mentioned above. I do have pain above, below the waist, and on both sides of my body that has lasted for a very long time. I may have migraines, hip pain or shoulder pain, or knee pain, but I do not have exactly the same pain as anyone else. I hope that this helps you understand me, I have shared these thoughts with many "Lupies", as we call our self, and they agree with me. So when you see someone at the store who gets out of the Handi-cap space and they look fine -- Do not judge them as you may Not know their Inner pain. The woman that wrote this lost her battle with LUPUS...this is how I feel.

R.I.P Fat Tony!!!

I believe BBWs are earth bound angels and should be worshiped as goddess. Just remember if you can play safe and play with trust then you are having fun but if you play to hurt and the run like a cowered then your nothing more than a bad memory in ones heart…. The WORDS OF FAT TONY! Read it on his profile. FatTony
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@ CherryTAP
What is systemic lupus? Systemic lupus is a generalised autoimmune disease. In an autoimmune disease, the immune system (=defence) partly targets itself, by producing autoantibodies that cause inflammatory diseases. Generalised means that the autoimmunity can attack different organ systems and can cause generalised disease manifestations Who is affected by lupus? Basically anyone at any age, but mostly lupus strikes women of childbearing age (80 to 90%). The number of lupus patients affected by lupus also differs according to race. In the USA lupus is more common in Blacks than in Caucasians. Genetic (hereditary) factors are sure enough believed to play a role in the development of the disease. Prevalence of lupus Studies are scarce and results vary widely, but it cannot be denied that the number of lupus patients is increasing. Improved diagnostic measures and a better understanding of the disease are two important factors in the increase of lupus patients, but there is also an absolute rise in the incidence (= number of new patients per year of a specific disease) Cause and heredity The cause remains unknown. Experts are getting convinced of the fact that inflammations and damage are caused by a reaction of autoantibodies with normal cellular components and other elements. In this process both genetic as environmental factors can play a role. Several genetic factors are of importance, but they are unlikely to be entirely passed on. This is the reason why lupus is not a hereditary disease, although risks of developing lupus are bigger if a relative in the first degree has been diagnosed with the disease. Ultraviolet rays are an example of an environmental factor known to trigger lupus. Although it has not been proved, viruses may also play a role in the onset of lupus. Lupus, however, is not contagious at all. Hormones are involved as well: female hormones stimulate lupus, while male hormones protect against it. This is one of the reasons to avoid the use of the contraceptive pill. Onset and symptoms Possible symptoms and manifestations of lupus are very diverse. The onset of the disease is never the same: it may start off with any of the symptoms mentioned below, in a mild or severe form. Because there are so many symptoms, we have to stick to the following summary: 90 % fatigue, arthritis and joint pain 80 % fever 70 % hair loss, anaemia, swollen glands 60 % weight loss, poor appetite, butterfly-shaped rash 50 % inflammation of the pleura (pleuritis), inflammation of the heart sac (pericarditis), inflammation of the membrane lining the abdominal cavity (peritonitis), renal involvement, personality changes, purpura 40 % photosensitivity, bacterial infections 30 % ulceration of the mucous membranes e.g. aphthous ulcers, pain in the muscles or myositis (inflammation of the muscles), gastrointestinal complaints, enlargement of the liver, high blood pressure, pneumonia, myocarditis (inflammation of the heart muscle) and endocarditis (involvement of the heart valves). 20 % Raynaud's phenomenon (turning white of the fingers), discoid lupus (skin involvement in lupus with round disc-shaped scars), inflammation of the eyes, Sjogren's Syndrome, severe renal involvement, attacks of epilepsy, psychoses, inflammation of the coronary arteries (supply of blood to the heart muscle) 10 % hives, oedema or formation of blisters on the skin, lupus pneumonia, brain damage or damage to the spinal cord, migraine, autoimmune destruction of red blood cells, low platelet count, neuritis (inflammation of the nerves) Diagnosis The diagnosis is based on complaints and/or symptoms and/or involvement of internal organs and/or abnormalities in laboratory test results. There is no single lupus test that can confirm the disease. Beginning mild forms of lupus are hard to diagnose, and sometimes diagnosis is only possible after following the evolution of the symptoms. In case of a possible onset of lupus, following up the early symptoms as well as informing the patient are very important. Because there is no decisive test for lupus and due to the changing character of the disease, criteria have been defined to classify lupus. Their main purpose, however, is scientific research as they can only be used as a guideline to diagnose lupus. In some cases lupus can be diagnosed before the patient meets these criteria. Treatment Must be focused on the following: general degree of illness and complaints internal organs involved degree of involvement of these organs Medications range from absolutely nothing to high doses of corticosteroids or immunosuppressive drugs. Antimalarials and nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs are frequently used. The basic principle to treat lupus is to react quickly with high doses of corticosteroids and/or immunosuppressive drugs if necessary and maintain the lowest dose possible during periods of low disease activity. Drug-induced lupus Some 50 prescription drugs can produce symptoms of lupus, which normally disappear after the patient stops taking the medication. This does not imply, however, that these drugs are forbidden for lupus patients. The most important ones are: Hydralasine (Neprosol), Procaïnamide (Pronestyl), Isoniazide (Rimifon), Propylthiouracil (Strumazol), d-Penicillamine (Kelatin) The prescription drugs mentioned may have other brand names Lupus en zwangerschap A lupus patient is allowed to become pregnant if the disease is under control, with a low dose of medication if necessary. The safest drug during pregnancy is a low dose of corticosteroids. A lupus patient should not become pregnant without a complete check-up, given the risk for mother and child. The child may have neonatal lupus due to the presence of anti-Ro antibodies and for the mother there is the risk of a severe flare. During pregnancy a flare may occur. In this case, it needs to be treated appropriately and the best way to do that is with corticosteroids. If you have lupus, there is a greater risk of miscarriage, often due to anti-cardiolipin antibodies (read further). These antibodies cause the blood to clot more easily, so that small blood vessels in the placenta can get clogged up. Low weight at birth occurs more often in newborn babies of lupus patients. Neonatal lupus This is a kind of skin lupus that breaks out a few weeks after birth and disappears at the age of 6 months. It is caused by the transfer of anti-Ro antibodies through the placenta to the foetus. In more severe cases, the heart of the foetus may be affected at about 18 weeks and the foetus may die, or the baby may be born with a congenital heart block (delayed contraction of the ventricle due to a conduction disorder, resulting in a very slow heart rate). The survival rate of these babies varies. The children themselves do not have lupus. Most important antibodies in lupus Anti-Sm antibodies About 15 % of lupus patients in Europe have anti-Sm, compared to 30 % in the USA. It is a disease marker: this means it is only found in patients with lupus, and mostly in relatively serious cases. Anti-dsDNA antibodies Seen in about 40 % of all lupus patients. In more severe cases of lupus the percentage amounts to 80 % during a flare. These antibodies are tightly linked with lupus and lupus nephritis, though this is not 100 % the case. They occur especially in lupus nephritis, in which they are also believed to play an important role. Anti-Ro About 40 % of people with lupus have anti-Ro. These antibodies are linked with congenital heart block and neonatal lupus and are probably the cause of it. (read pregnancy) Anticardiolipin antibodies Often facilitate blood clotting, which may lead to a propensity for miscarriage and thromboses in young patients. Antibodies against red blood cells (positive Coombtest) kMay cause haemolysis, or the destruction of red blood cells on an autoimmune basis. Severe autoimmune haemolysis is very rare. A whole range of other antibodies ... of which the importance is not yet clear. Signs and symptoms that need immediate medical examination: fever attacks sudden onset of extreme fatigue general malaise neurological complaints extreme headache or unexplainable mood swings acute or subacute skin rashes unexplainable chest pains unexplainable abdominal pains new complaints due to arthritis increasing shortness of breath presence of protein in the urine any form of infection Evolution and prognosis Systemic lupus progresses with ups and downs. Periods of serious exacerbations may alternate with periods of low disease activity, in which one may even discontinue taking medication. The patient is then said to be in remission. After menopause, lupus is likely to disappear spontaneously. Life expectancy has increased greatly over the last 40 years and statistically almost equals a normal life span with 93 % of all patients surviving ten years after diagnosis. This improvement is due to early diagnosis and better use of medication. Even lupus nephritis can be reversed if treatment follows immediately and intensively. The more severe forms of lupus that lead to death by affecting the brain or kidneys have become rare. Exceptionally, however, complications (mostly infections) or a neglected flare may be fatal. Once "systemic lupus" is diagnosed, adapted drug treatment should be able to stabilise the disease. Still, lupus is to be considered a serious disorder. Accurate compliance of medical advice together with regular medical check ups are absolutely necessary to control the disease. Clear information is in this case essential. Also contact with people from our support group, the CIB-league, can be a step forward in the process of learning how to cope with lupus. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------
JAKE COX MISS YOU!!! Losing someone that you have known for years is a very hard thing to do. Jake was a very nice man, a good friend to me, we wasn't besest friends however he was a great guy that always made you want to smile. Jake was always bubbley and kind everytime that I seen him! I really don't know what to do! This makes you wake up to things...I am serious! I don't know how...but I am going to work it out with my brother even if we just talk every now and then. I can't take this losing people that I care about! You see someone one day and then the next day they are gone! You can't make someone come back if God chooses to take them. But you can try to love the ones that are here while they are here! So know this I am going to do my best as a person to live my life loving everyone while I am here. Time gets away from us all the time! Then they are gone... I want my life to reflect back on other peoples. If I smile I want the reflection and them to smile back. I want to domino effect it. I want to start a "PAY IT FORWARD" kind of thing! My life is a PILE OF SHIT AS WE SPEAK! However I am doing things on my own! LIVING ON MY OWN no matter what it takes. With the help of NO ONE! If I can live like this I can do things in my life to make my life and someone elses better! AND I WILL! JAKE has made a huge impact on my life! And I will miss him deeply! REST IN PEACE JAKE! (I will miss him walking down the street with his hair bobbing from one side to the other)

HAPPY FUCKIN NEW YEAR!!!!!!

HAPPY EFFIN NEW YEAR !!! Lets see how to start this...I recently saw a myspace of a family member I haven't spoke to in a while...glad they are doing GREAT by the way! However I am not...I just got turned down by disability again and the judge didn't read past the first 2 pages I don't think so SHE CAN KISS MY ASS!...OMG my illness has progressed, I am sooooo PISSED So anyway I am in a ROCK IN A HARD PLACE...I am not sure what to do anymore... I have been trying to rough it with my illness with NO HEAT because my furnace was red tagged I have 2 small heaters in a house...not working...I have been trying to get help from places but they are not willing to help single sick individuals that have no children. I am really getting tired. My spirit is being broken. Not sure how much more I can take for real!! The thing is if I weren't trying I could understand...but I am! I have been on my own for almost 2 years without help of anyone...now that I need help...FAMILY EH? yeah RIGHT! SOme of them do try I will say...I can't believe they KNOW WHAT KIND OF TROUBLE I AM IN AND DON'T CARE AT ALL! I will not give up on this disability thing, I am pissed and I am a BITCH MORE NOW THAN I EVER HAVE BEEN! I will fight until my last breath if need be, then my family can sue! Because I can not work with all that is wrong with me...I have blogged all the info on my illness...I have new symptoms too...My toes have recentey started turning purple!! NICE HUH? AND I CAN'T MAKE THAT SHIT STOP! I AM JUST A LITTLE MAD! SORRY!! BUT ANYWAY I will give a new update soon maybe some good news...who knows I go to a hearing about my medicaid...we we will see if they give that to me...and I go to my doctor soon as well he is gonna be pissed. Have a nice Fuckin New year mine has started off really good!! I just want to go where NOONE KNOWS ME!
NOW I am just wondering why is it that if you are truthful to someone you still get treated like shit? I am a woman...I tell the truth... I don't want a fuckin relationship...I AM trying to get MY FUCKIN SHIT TOGETHER! You think you are having a nice fuckin talk...making friends. and then all hell breaks loose! I have never said I NEVER WANTED A FUCKIN RELATIONSHIP EVER!!....JUST NOT NOW! How hard is that to understand I mean I think it was kinda clear. RIGHT? I am so sick of trying to explain myself to other people.AND I REFUSE TO PLEASE OTHERS! OMG MEN AS FRIENDS..WHAT THE FUCK?...can it happen? YES it can I have seen it done! I don't have to fuck or want to date every man I talk to...I think I have fuckin control over that! I am getting so sick of this! I am sooo Fuckin SHitty!!!!!!

WHY IN THE HELL?

YES I am headed towards being my name...taking lessons from people who get places in life... FOR EXAMPLE!! A WOMAN who is slime treats a man like shit several times, HE keeps fuckin going back!!! WHAT THE FUCK? SO A NICE WOMAN...like I ummm was...can bite the fuckin dust! SECOND EXAMPLE!! MEN who spit Game and get what they want especially from NICE WOMEN! Seen it happen with...ummm ME! THIRD and FINAL ONE! Stabing people in the back! Being a bitch or a dick...has made many people rich and succsessful! SO the key is NOT TO CARE! Wait there is a FOURTH! People that you think love you! Want to make you miserable everyday just because it is ok for them and they feel better! See I guess with out caring for PEOPLE MY LIFE SHOULD TURN AROUND 100% HUH? FUCKIN BITE ME!
I really try hard to do the right thing and be a good person! Be a FUCKIN SWEET WOMAN and it gets me...where? Ummm crying like usual. I am sick and tired of being sweet it is time to see a real BITCH! I guess to get anywhere in life this is how you have to be sooo so BE FUCKIN IT! I WILL! I am going to be a woman that doesn't give a FUCK! How about that!? About me or anyone else!! This is how it has to be...this is what I have turned into! SWEET HAS FUCKIN LEFT THE BUILDING!

Well here it comes again!!

I am not really feeling to well at the moment. Had a migraine all day and a temp of 103 :( Stress is such a bad thing for my illness (INFO IN MY BLOGS) so I really try to do the best thing I can for me...to try to stay away from stress which isn't sometimes fair to others...I have always been a person to think of others first...until I got sick a few years back...then I continued for a while as I got sicker, Now I can't give away what I do not have! Now it HAS to be about "ME"! But then how do I deal with the guilt I get from people...and myself, if I put myself first? When you say to someone, I am sorry I can't do this becuase it is effecting me a lot and crushing me, So I have to protect myself...please understand...then you feel guilt! What good is it to think about YOU! Or how about this...I want to help you out, but I can't because I don't feel well or, no money no gas... See I am just not being me!! PLUS..with this crap...I need to blog it because I tell you My MISERY DOESN'T LOVE COMPANY i would rather be alone don't like people to see me weak and vulernable it is a not so fun state to be in!! So if anyone has anything to help...please lend me a msg ok!! Thanks! Weak and CRUMBY!
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