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Life has a way of doing things to each of us to make us better people. It will test you relentlessly to see how you react, how you handle the situation and deal with all rewards and consequences. I live with those each day in my life. I try to live and learn, and sometimes, its hard to deal with. I have a lot of respect for those of you who can pass all tests that life has to offer. On many, I have failed and there will be more. I am dealing with a big test right now. Cross your fingers I pass this one. ;)
I tend to react without thinking, and speak out before thinking. I have always done that. That will never change about me. There are so many things about me that I cannot change, and there are things about me that I have changed in the past years. Some of which changed after signing up on this site. A few people may have noticed some of changes. Most were for the good, some have been just to tighten up my heart to keep it from being hurt. (funny how things like that work out). I am the first to admit any of that. I know my downfalls... but do you?
There are so many things about me that most of you don't know... and probably will never know as I don't get into to many things about my personal life on this site... and there is a reason for that. I have been hurt by more people that have claimed to be my friends on here than I have in my entire life in the real world. People on here, and I know this is the internet... so don't give me that line about it... but some people on here, whom I thought and over time grew to believe that they were genuine, were just really good actors.
I guess that is my fault for looking for the good in all of us no matter how careful I am and realistic I can be about the internet persona of many. I know people aren't always what they seem. I know I am not as I am seen by many. Why should it matter? Because in the end, most people still have a heart, still feel things, no matter how hard they try to hide it. People get hurt by words on here. It doesn't matter that they are typed... words can still hurt.
I try to give all the benefit of the doubt. I tend to be as friendly as I can be to all. No matter if they "downrate" (which is ridiculous that people feel that way), have a different attitude than they do, or whatever... to me, all people deserve to be treated with some level of respect. No matter what pics they put up, no matter if they are self proclaimed "point whores" or "RED NAME SEEKERS" or if they are in a relationship and flirting or different color or race or anything that would make them different to you, each person... has the right to be treated with some level of respect. Just because a person puts up provacative pics or seems to be friendly... how does that make them a cunt, or a whore, or a bastard or asshole or bitch. It doesn't.
I am usually the person that looks at life in the most pesimistic way possible. I have always hoped for the best, but planned for the worst. I have even expected the worst. How is it, that I, knowing how I look at things in my own life, can look at a person and look for the good, and give that benefit and try to get to know them by talking with them... just chatting about anything and the average person, will look at something and make assumptions about a person? Why do people do that? I don't understand it, and I never will. I never expect to either, and yet I still look forward to meeting people.
I have said many times that I was not looking for a relationship. Truth be told... I WASN'T LOOKING FOR ONE!!! I have also said many times in the same conversations, if it happens, if that special someone can enter my life, pick up the millions of pieces of my heart and mend them all together again, that he would have my heart. I didn't look for anyone to do that. I didn't ask for anyone to do that. So, when Always Hope picked up the pieces and put them together again, and I gave him my heart, how does that make me a "cunt"? Can you believe that someone would do that? In ways, I can. In ways, I can't. I don't understand how happiness finding me causes me to be a cunt. I really don't care about it, but please, think about it. I have told most everyone that would talk to me, regularly, that if it found me, I would let it happen. Man you should have read that Private Message. I think many things of myself, but being a "cunt" wouldn't be on the list. I do believe I am a bitch, I do believe that I am many things both good and bad.
When a person finds happiness, be it with yourself or someone else, what right does a person have to even care? I don't know. I know this is the internet, I know that there are things that are so fake about people on the internet, but I would like to think that there is some level of good in each of us. As negative as I think, if I can think that way about a complete stranger, couldn't you?
I will always cherish my true friends. Those that are willing to stand by me through all of the aspects of my life as I would stand by them within their life. That is what a "FRIEND" is about, or so I have always thought.
With Much Love To All...
AngL
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