Lost Angel's blog: "Jokes"

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered.

GET A PIECE OF PAPER AND NUMBER IT FROM (1-13) AND NO CHEATING! SEE THE RESULTS AT THE END OF THE TEST! 1.WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? A. LIGHT COLOR B. CHANGE COLORS C. DARK 2.IF YOU WERE TO MEET UP WITH THE CRUSH OF YOUR LIFE YOU WOULD... A. SEDUCE THEM B. JUST CHILL C. CHILL AND THEN SEDUCE 3.WHATS YOUR FAVORITE TYPE OF WEATHER? A. RAIN B. THUNDERSTORM C. SUNNY D. CLOUDY 4.WHATS THE BEST TYPE OF FRUIT? A. STRAWBERRIES B. CHERRIES C. GRAPES D. PEACHES E. KIWI 5.THE BEST PART OF THE 24 HOURS IS.... A. NIGHT B. DAY C. AFTERNOON 6.WHATS THE BEST SEASON OF THE YEAR? A. FALL B. SUMMMER C. SPRING D. WINTER 7.HEADBOARD OR NO HEADBOARD? a-HEADBOARD b-NO HEADBOARD 8.WHATS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? A-LEO B-VIRGO C-SCORPIO D-LIBRA E-GEMINI F-ARIES G-CAPRICORN H-CANCER I-PISCES J-AQUARIUS K-TAURUS L-SAGITTARIUS 9.PICK A PLACE YOU WOULD HAVE SEX AT OUT OF THESE... A. ASTRO VAN B. ON THE ROOF TOP OF A BUILDING C. PARK D. AIR PLANE E. ELEVATOR F. ALL OF THE ABOVE 10.YOUR PHONE SERVICE? A. SPRINT/NEXTEL B. VERIZON C. T-MOB./CINGULAR D. ALTEL E. CRICKET F. SUNCOM G. BOOST MOB H. METROPCS 11.PICK AN ANIMAL A. LION B. LIZARD C. SNAKE D. MONKEY 12.PICK A TOPPING A. CHOCOLATE SYRUP B. HONEY C. WHIP CREAM D. NUTS 13.WHICH WAY? A. UP B. DOWN C. SIDEWAYS NOW THINK OF THE PERSON YOU HAVE A CRUSH ON OR A PERSON WHOSE ASS YOU JUST WANNA SMACK========= ***ANSWERS**** 1. A. LIGHT COLOR------ (4) POINTS B. CHANGE COLORS- (5) POINTS C. DARK---------------- (4) POINTS 2. A. SEDUCE THEM--------------- (5) POINTS B. JUST CHILL------------------- (2) POINTS C. CHILL AND THEN SEDUCE- (4) POINTS 3. A. RAIN--------------- (3) POINTS B. THUNDERSTORM- (5) POINTS C. SUNNY------------- (4) POINTS D. CLOUDY----------- (2) POINTS 4. A. STRAWBERRYS- (5) POINTS B. CHERRYS-------- (4) POINTS C. GRAPES---------- (3) POINTS D. PEACHES-------- (4) POINTS E. KIWI-------------- (5) POINTS 5. A. NIGHT-------- (4) POINTS B. DAY----------- (3) POINTS C. AFTERNOON- (5) POINTS 6. A. FALL-------- (3) POINTS B. SUMMMER- (4) POINTS C. SPRING---- (2) POINTS D. WINTER--- (5) POINTS 7. -HEADBOARD-------- (5) POINTS -NO HEADBOARD-- (2) POINTS 8. LEO---------- (5) POINTS VIRGO------- (5) POINTS SCORPIO--- (5) POINTS LIBRA-------- (3) POINTS GEMINI------ (4) POINTS ARIES-------- (3) POINTS CAPRICORN- (3) POINTS CANCER------ (4) POINTS PISCES------- (5) POINTS AQUARIUS--- (4) POINTS TAURUS------ (5) POINTS SAGITTARIUS- (4) POINTS 9. A. ASTRO VAN------------------------------ (3) POINTS B. ON THE ROOF TOP OF A BUILDING- (4) POINTS C. PARK------------------------------------- (2) POINTS D. AIR PLANE------------------------------- (5) POINTS E. ELEVATOR------------------------ (5) POINTS F. ALL OF THE ABOVE-------------------- (10) POINTS 10. A. SPRINT/NEXTEL- (5) POINTS B. VERIZON------------- (4) POINTS C. T-MOB./CINGULAR----- (3) POINTS D. ALTEL----------------- (5) POINTS E. CRICKET-------------- (2) POINTS F. SUNCOM-------------- (3) POINTS G. BOOST MOB---------- (4) POINTS H. METROPCS-------------(5) POINTS 11. A. LION------ (5) POINTS B. LIZARD--- (3) POINTS C. SNAKE--- (4) POINTS D. MONKEY- (3) POINTS 12. A. CHOCOLATE SYRUP- (3) POINTS B. HONEY--------------- (2) POINTS C. WHIP CREAM------- (5) POINTS D. NUTS----------------- (3) POINTS 13. A. UP----------- (2) POINTS B. DOWN------ (3) POINTS C. SIDEWAYS- (5) POINTS NOW ADD THE POINTS UP (FOR THE SLOW ONES) SCORES!!!!! 25-34= PRIESTS SON/DAUGHTER. MIGHT AS WELL SAVE IT TILL MARRIAGE. 35-49= PRETTY FREAKY BUT THERES STILL A COUPLE OF TRICKS U CAN LEARN... FROM ME. 50-70= TOTAL OUTRAGEOUS FREAK! OMG! CALL ME!!!! NO SERIOUSLY START DIALING!***

You are The Empress

Beauty, happiness, pleasure, success, luxury, dissipation.

The Empress is associated with Venus, the feminine planet, so it represents, beauty, charm, pleasure, luxury, and delight. You may be good at home decorating, art or anything to do with making things beautiful.

The Empress is a creator, be it creation of life, of romance, of art or business. While the Magician is the primal spark, the idea made real, and the High Priestess is the one who gives the idea a form, the Empress is the womb where it gestates and grows till it is ready to be born. This is why her symbol is Venus, goddess of beautiful things as well as love. Even so, the Empress is more Demeter, goddess of abundance, then sensual Venus. She is the giver of Earthly gifts, yet at the same time, she can, in anger withhold, as Demeter did when her daughter, Persephone, was kidnapped. In fury and grief, she kept the Earth barren till her child was returned to her.

What Tarot Card are You?
Take the Test to Find Out.

What would men do if they could have a vagina for the day? 10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers. 9. Squat over a hand-held mirror for an hour and a half. 8. See if they could finally do the splits. 7. See if it's truly possible to launch a ping pong ball 20 feet. 6. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch. 5. Get picked up in a bar in less than 10 minutes ... BEFORE closing time. 4. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more without sleeping first. 3. Go to the gynecologist for a pelvic exam and ask to have it recorded on video. 2. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts too. 1. Finally find that damned G-spot.

You Were Pretty Average This Year

You Were 45% Naughty, 55% Nice You tried to be a good girl this year... But as you know, being good isn't that fun! If you're extra sweet, you may have enough time to get on that nice list.

Never Date a Cancer

Clingy, emotional, and very private - it's hard to escape a Cancer's clutches. And while Cancer will want to know everything about you, they're anything but open in return. Instead try dating: Leo, Sagittarius, Gemini, or Aquarius

You Are a Dreaming Soul

Your vivid emotions and imagination takes you away from this world So much so that you tend to live in your head most of the time You have great dreams and ambitions that could be the envy of all... But for you, following through with your dreams is a bit difficult You are charming, endearing, and people tend to love you. Forgiving and tolerant, you see the world through rose colored glasses. Underneath it all, you have a ton of passion that you hide from others. Always hopeful, you tend to expect positive outcomes in your life. Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul, Prophet Soul, and Traveler Soul

You Should Drive a Porsche

Flashy and a bit of a show off, you can't help but love a car that shouts your high status.

You Are "Dizzy and Giddy"