Annelid's blog: "Ramblings,thoughts and assorted stuff"

So it is... I'm here...with multiple tabs (not those kind kids) open in I.E. The never ending search for full time employment is a job all unto it's self. Sometimes I wonder if it's even worth it anymore (anything...). One day I shall find out the answer. Anyways, I'm listening to a lot of my old synthpop. Especially Joy Electric. G0d, I forgot how much I love listening to Ronnie and those analog synths. I'm usually in a crappy mood but I have to admit his music puts a smile on my face and makes my feet a tappin. Haven't heard J.E.? Goto my Stickcam player and listen. I recommend : 1. Melody Book. 2. Monosynth 3. sweet sweet charity It's funny (or not).I never subcribed to the idea of music having much of a impact in one's life. I don't really put too much stock in music. Yes, I love listening to it and want to make some but for me, it's usually backround noise. Not the end all and be all. But sometimes I find a song that, just floors me. J.E. does that...and Blue for 2's "solitary". I hear the latter and I feel like I'm sitting at a desk with a bottle of (insert booze of choice here) and handgun. It's that fucking depressing. Or "Systematic" by Yvonne. Or "Persuasion" by Faith Assembly. Maybe I'm the worlds oldest EMO/GOTH but damn, those tunes get me all the time. Make me watch "Requiem for a Dream" and I'd be running ( or waddling real quickly) from the roof. I've been doing alot of thinking as of late. So what pearls of wisdom have I come up with? 1. Fubar is a online extension of H.S. - the clicks, the "cool", the "hip" and the rest. 2. I'm not the demographic Fubar is aimed at. I'm not cool/hip/pierced/tatted/a party animal/ a party monster (although I do love the movie). 99% of the time I have not a clue as to what people here are talking about. 3. I need to ween my self off the fubar pipe. I know i have this obsessive trait and I get into things really hard. I need to step away from it (entirely?) and get a life. 4. My sleep patterns are screwed up. Thanks depression and Fubar. 5. I'm tired..physically and mentally. 6. I'm lonely. I've spoken to a few nice people here. But in a way I try to shy a way from speaking to them. What's the point? They live in Bora Bora and I'm here. No sense in getting one's hopes up.....Yes, I'm that lame. 7. I've become even more jaded and angry lately. But I think I'm still a "swell" guy none the less. I digress...but does anybody even say "swell" anymore? Oh, another tune to listen to..."Remnants' by Spahn Ranch. I could do without the pseudo dance hall effects,ie..the Jamacian elements. Don't get me wrong I like Reggae ska,dub,etc...but not in this song. The best lines (in my opinion) is : "breathe like you never before and you take what you know when its all said and gone they said to me your road is paved the imagery is sold and played and when the tide turns and a soul resists and when you feel burned you move ahead". And it's got a damn dancy beat to it. Heh. G0d,I'm fucking miserable. And for those who know me ,I have to be really pissed as I rarely ever curse. I think about it alot though but I say nothing. That's my modus operandai. Through out my life. Say nothing. Even when I was being "dissed" I say nothing. I smile a feeble smile and say something nice. I'm a idiot. I wish I had some "testicular fortitude"..maybe that will come with the the next service pack. Honestly though I really wish I could tell people the way I really think...but I'm always like...be nice...don't offend...think of their feelings. Who thinks of mine? On a lighter and more amusing note...I have hooked the Korg Kaoscillator to the old Laptop and downloaded Audacity. Soon I shall post a tune I made to the stickcam player. Yay. I'm off to eat a wonderful nutrisystem meal. Hopefully i shall loose weight so there will be less Annelid for you to hate.