David's blog: "Lessons learned on fubar"

    To be brutally honest in my opinion this is an unfair question because it ignores the fact that women cheat as well. Don't get me wrong: I don't think cheaiting is okay and I certainly don't condone it. But what we must keep in mind is that the question is too general to be answered because of the fact that everyone has their own personal reasons for cheating. There are in most cases underlying factors that push one to cheat on their girlfriends or spouses. This is my story and these are my reasons for having cheated on my spouse in the past. 

    From the start I would like to state that I do not consider flirting online or dirty chat or even video mutual masturbation cheating. Those are just outlets for dealing with sexual repression. Having said that; I would like to give you a little background about myself. My entire life from when I was a teen till the time I got married I had never cheated on anyone. Not girlfriends nor even my wife in the initial years of our marriage. The thought never even crossed my mind and I often looked down on my personal friends who did so. I never understood that there was more to it than what was seen at the surface. I often said: how could you cheat on her she is so beautiful? I never realized at the time that beauty had nothing to do with it. It wasn't till I cheated for my first time ever that I realized how profound this issue really is. 

    I acknowledge that not everyone cheats for a reason. There are some men and women out there that are just selfish dirt bags whose only goal in life is to be pleased at the expense of others. These are narcissists who think that the world owes them everything that they desire and only care about themselves. I am not going to be talking about them in this article. I want to talk about your average person you may know or meet on the street some day. This is about good men and women that are driven to cheat for a number of reasons that in most circumstances they don't even comprehend whey they do it. I am one of those peope and this particular article is my experience and interpretation of why I have cheated on my spouse in the past. 

    I was married in 1994 to a 20 year old young lady I met in church. At the time I was an evangelist in the church preaching the word of God on the streets, in tent meeetings, on the radio, and in chuches all over Brooklyn,NY. I was married at the age of 24 and I went into it full of hopes and dreams regarding what my life would be like as a husband, a father, and an all around family man. My marriage was rocky from the beginning because of the constant intervention of my wifes family in my private affairs. They eventually convinced my wife that I was being unfaithful to her although that wasn't the case and they had no evidence whatsoever. They did it out of malice because they did not like me from day one. My wife let these ideas seep into her mind to the point of obsession. She often accused me of being unfaithful even when I wasn't. I explained that even if I wanted to be unfaithful I simply did not have the desire nor the time to do so. I worked all weekand came straight home. I did not go clubbing, I did not have any friends to hang with after work. If I wasn't at work then I was at home and vice versa. 

    I can tell you that nothing is more frustrating than being constantly accused of something you did not do. Four years into our marriage I ended up cheating on my wife for the first time. i met a woman who showed an interest in me and during a discussion I made clear to her that i did not want to change my situation. That if we were going to do this she had to know that and accept those terms. She did and the rest is history. The wierd thing about this was that after I had sexual intercourse with that woman and even during the act itself I felt no guilt or shame for what I had done. I can honestly say that I did it initially out of spite. I gave my wife everything. She did not have to work I wanted her to give her entire attention to raising our daughters. I gave her half my paycheck every week for herself and home expenses. I came straight home from work every day and on the weekends I would go out with her or to the movies by myself. 

    Despite everything I have done for my wife and continue to do she never once expressed gratitude for it. She continued to accuse me of being unfaithful even when I wasn't and treated me like shit. My mother once got into it with her because I was up early for work and she wouldn't even wake up to make me a cup of coffee or breakfast. My mother was more bothered by that than I was though. I got to the point where I felt that she did not deserve my faithfulness. I felt under appreciated in my relationship and abused. Why didn't I just leave you might ask. Well, the answer is simple. I promised that when I became a father that I would be there for my kids all the time. I grew up with my mother and did not meet my father till I was about 16 years of age. I would not let that happen to my kids. So I sacrificed my entire life and joy to be there for them despite the abuses of my wife. I can go deep with this but it would take a couple of articles. If anyone is interested in hearing more from me on this subject please feel free to let me know in your comments and responses to this article.