David's blog: "Lessons learned on fubar"

I always find it amusing yet embarrassing as well, when men on fubar get upset at women who don't respond to their advances, messages, or respond but not how they expected or hoped for them to respond. Some women on here have made folders where they highlight the idiots that they encounter and display these morons in all of their idiotic glory! 

I have seen some of the folders in question and find them to be very entertaining reading, but I can't quite comprehend how a man feels the need to insult a woman because she does not like the way he speaks to her in messages or does not respond to his messages. They go from "you're so beautiful and sexy to fuck you whore!" etc. That is what I would call the most ridiculous behavior a man could display towards a woman, not to mention that it is also a childish response. 

I have come across women on here that I would have loved to have gotten to know better. Even if it was just as an online chat friend. But every once in awhile I encounter a woman that does not respond to any of my messages. I don't get angry over it though. For one thing I don't really know her and have no right to demand a response. She owes me nothing! Sometimes she does respond only to tell me that she is not interested in chatting but just playing the game. I think that is a noble response and I like people who are direct about the way they respresent themselves. I had one woman who offered to give me access to her nsfw files if only I made her my crush. I did so and after three days of trying to access her files I decided to delete her as my crush. Her response was to curse me out and block me. 

One thing I can say about all this is that I don't get upset if you don't respond to my messages. After about three attempts I can take a hint. I don't keep writing nor do I devolve into a moronic idiot and resort to name calling and insults. I simply unfan and unfriend  you and keep it moving. There is no emotional stress involved nor any resentment either. I treat it the same way I would treat rejection in the real world. If I approached a woman and told her that I found her attractive and would like the opportunity to get to know her better and she told me that she was not interested. I would simply say okay and walk away. 

My personal opinion on this matter is that men who do take offense to rejection are insecure about themselves and seek validation about how good they look from the opposite sex. When that validation is not met they resort to name calling and vulgar insults as if that is going to make their already bad situation any better. My message to you men out there is that you all need to grow up! You don't know these women nor do you have any right to claim or expect anything from them. Move on and remember that there are always plenty fish in the sea.

Sapiosexual: of, relating to, or characterized by sexual or romantic attraction to highly intelligent people

I have been pondering the following question for the past few years: Am I a sapiosexual? I finally believe that I can answer this question with an unequivocal yes! I have been married going on 30 years and for the majority of my marriage I have just been hanging on. Never really happy nor satisfied with my partner nor the life that I have had with her. There are several reasons for this, but I find that one of the major reasons is my inabliity to have a decent conversation  with her. She does not read anything at all and her interests and mine are literally worlds apart. There is nothing that we have in common yet here we are. She is disrespectful, excessively negative and critical of everything and pretty much emotionally draining to be around. 

As I have come to grow older both physically and mentally I have come to the realization that I find a strong, independent, and intellectual woman extremely attractive. I love having an intellectual conversation with a woman and often find myself turned on by it. There is something so attractive to me about a woman who does not need me because she can hold her own in this tough world. I tend to delve into difficult topics such as cosmology, origin of life theories, evolution, abiogenesis, philosophy, etc. and I find it difficut to discuss these issues with someone who cant keep up or add to the discussion. 

My wife is the perfect example of what I am talking about here. Whenever I find a fascinating subject or make some new intellectual discovery from a book I have read or a documentary I have seen and want to share it with her I get the blank stare and she shifts the topic to some idiotic issue that has no bearing on the discussion I am trying to have with her. I tend to make jokes all the time about how much I hate stupid people but I am finding that in reality that is not a joke at all but exactly how I feel. We live in a country where basic education is free and yet we have so many people here that are less intellectual than a third grader. 

I have often heard how intellectuals in general feel lonely in a world full of idiots. Now I fully understand the sentiment behind that saying. I am married yet feel alone all the time. Every once in awhile I meet a woman at work or somewhere else who fascinates me with her intellect and charm and I feel like I have missed out on this my entire life. Is it too late for me? Am I doomed to accept that I am too old to find someone on my level or even on a higher level intellectually than myself? I don't really know, but thinking about these things is literally exhausting. I consider myself of average intelligence but I can and have held my own against theologians, philosophers, and even scientists at times. I am also always open to learning new and fascinating things about life and the world we live in. It would be nice to have someone to share those things with or who can help me discover them together. 

Thanks for reading and I look forward to hearing your opinions on this my latest rant. 

    To be brutally honest in my opinion this is an unfair question because it ignores the fact that women cheat as well. Don't get me wrong: I don't think cheaiting is okay and I certainly don't condone it. But what we must keep in mind is that the question is too general to be answered because of the fact that everyone has their own personal reasons for cheating. There are in most cases underlying factors that push one to cheat on their girlfriends or spouses. This is my story and these are my reasons for having cheated on my spouse in the past. 

    From the start I would like to state that I do not consider flirting online or dirty chat or even video mutual masturbation cheating. Those are just outlets for dealing with sexual repression. Having said that; I would like to give you a little background about myself. My entire life from when I was a teen till the time I got married I had never cheated on anyone. Not girlfriends nor even my wife in the initial years of our marriage. The thought never even crossed my mind and I often looked down on my personal friends who did so. I never understood that there was more to it than what was seen at the surface. I often said: how could you cheat on her she is so beautiful? I never realized at the time that beauty had nothing to do with it. It wasn't till I cheated for my first time ever that I realized how profound this issue really is. 

    I acknowledge that not everyone cheats for a reason. There are some men and women out there that are just selfish dirt bags whose only goal in life is to be pleased at the expense of others. These are narcissists who think that the world owes them everything that they desire and only care about themselves. I am not going to be talking about them in this article. I want to talk about your average person you may know or meet on the street some day. This is about good men and women that are driven to cheat for a number of reasons that in most circumstances they don't even comprehend whey they do it. I am one of those peope and this particular article is my experience and interpretation of why I have cheated on my spouse in the past. 

    I was married in 1994 to a 20 year old young lady I met in church. At the time I was an evangelist in the church preaching the word of God on the streets, in tent meeetings, on the radio, and in chuches all over Brooklyn,NY. I was married at the age of 24 and I went into it full of hopes and dreams regarding what my life would be like as a husband, a father, and an all around family man. My marriage was rocky from the beginning because of the constant intervention of my wifes family in my private affairs. They eventually convinced my wife that I was being unfaithful to her although that wasn't the case and they had no evidence whatsoever. They did it out of malice because they did not like me from day one. My wife let these ideas seep into her mind to the point of obsession. She often accused me of being unfaithful even when I wasn't. I explained that even if I wanted to be unfaithful I simply did not have the desire nor the time to do so. I worked all weekand came straight home. I did not go clubbing, I did not have any friends to hang with after work. If I wasn't at work then I was at home and vice versa. 

    I can tell you that nothing is more frustrating than being constantly accused of something you did not do. Four years into our marriage I ended up cheating on my wife for the first time. i met a woman who showed an interest in me and during a discussion I made clear to her that i did not want to change my situation. That if we were going to do this she had to know that and accept those terms. She did and the rest is history. The wierd thing about this was that after I had sexual intercourse with that woman and even during the act itself I felt no guilt or shame for what I had done. I can honestly say that I did it initially out of spite. I gave my wife everything. She did not have to work I wanted her to give her entire attention to raising our daughters. I gave her half my paycheck every week for herself and home expenses. I came straight home from work every day and on the weekends I would go out with her or to the movies by myself. 

    Despite everything I have done for my wife and continue to do she never once expressed gratitude for it. She continued to accuse me of being unfaithful even when I wasn't and treated me like shit. My mother once got into it with her because I was up early for work and she wouldn't even wake up to make me a cup of coffee or breakfast. My mother was more bothered by that than I was though. I got to the point where I felt that she did not deserve my faithfulness. I felt under appreciated in my relationship and abused. Why didn't I just leave you might ask. Well, the answer is simple. I promised that when I became a father that I would be there for my kids all the time. I grew up with my mother and did not meet my father till I was about 16 years of age. I would not let that happen to my kids. So I sacrificed my entire life and joy to be there for them despite the abuses of my wife. I can go deep with this but it would take a couple of articles. If anyone is interested in hearing more from me on this subject please feel free to let me know in your comments and responses to this article. 

Like many or even all of us I have made many mistakes in life. I have learned to overcome my personal demons and have been able to move on and enjoy life to the best of my ability. But there is but one thing that I experienced a long time ago that still haunts me to this day. The pain and loss of this event is the one thing I have never been able to get over. This pain is not physical but rather psychological and emotional. It is incurable and utterly indescribable. These events occurred during the year of 1989 and I was still just 19 years old at that time. 

When I was in the Marine Corp. I met a young woman through my best friend who happened to be his sister in law. Her name was Theresa. I called her often and we had quite the long distance relationship with the hope of one day meeting in person and coming together once and for all. After leaving the military I contacted my friend and decided to go out to Hawthorne, Nevada to finally meet his sister in law and begin what I thought would be a new life with the one woman I wanted to spend forever with. As soon as we met we hit it off and our relationship continued without a hitch. My love for her grew by the day and after about six months I had decided that this was the woman I wanted to marry.

There were several problems with this: she was still only 17 and living with her parents and she had a father who was a racist and hated me for my skin tone. Her mother and the rest of her family accepted me as one of the family but her dad made it clear that he did not want his lovely caucasion daughter fraternizing with a man of color although I am of Latino descent. Either way, he made it his business to make our lives miserable and to put as much pressure on Theresa as he could. Often all of that pressure spilled over into our relationship and sort of tended to poison the well. 

Because of her age I couldn't just run away with her without her dad filing some criminal charges on me as I was 19 on the verge of 20. Despite all that we endured we stood strong together, but in the long run the pressure turned out to be too much for the both of us. We started arguing and lashing out at each other until things worsened. It all came to a head when her father beat her once for having seen her with me in town. She came to my apartment crying and her friend told me what happened. I went to her house filled with rage and threatened her father that the next time he put his hands on her he was going to have to deal with me. 

We were about 2 weeks away from Christmas and plaaning how we were going to spend it together when suddenly it all came crashing down at once. We ended up having a heated argument that ended with us breaking up and me flinging a stack of her pictures at her. It was the most painful moment of my life. From that time on it took me six years of tears and depression to get over the break up. Everyone I saw on the street looked like her even though I have moved a few thousand miles away. Every song reminded me of her and brought me down to tears. Here I am today a married man with two gown daughters and a wife and every once in a while I still find myself thinking of her and what might have been. 

Sometimes a song comes out that reminds me of her and surprisingly I still break down in tears and have moments of sadness. I wonder what became of her life. Is she alive still? Did she marry and have a family? Does she still think of me? Nothing hurts more than love. Nothing is more painful than a broken heart. This experience still hurts but it has also taught me to love those I can today and cherish them more. A very painful lesson with lifelong practicality is what drives me to be the best person I could be to my friends and family. If ever there was something I ever regretted in life was losing the love of my life. 

I've only been on fubar a couple of months but in that short period of time I am appalled at how often I encounter men being disrespectful to women. Sure, there are a lot of gorgeous women on this site but you can give compliments without being offensive or sexually explicit. Gentlemen, just think about it. Would you talk to your mother that way? Or would you allow another man to refer to your mother as a cock sucking whore or something worse? If you treat people like you yourself like to be treated and expect the respect of others then  you yourself must treat others with respect. 

Don't get me wrong about this. I am not against cyber sex on cam or on chat but that like sex in real life must be done with someone who gives you consent to do so. I myself have had my dirty chat or two on here but it is always with the consent of the other person I am chatting with. It's fun in my opinion to talk dirty to someone whom you may actually like and truly desire but you must keep in mind that for the most part it is just a fantasy akin to role playing.

Women, don't judge all men based on your bad experiences with jerks on here. Believe it or not I'm sure that for every bad guy on here there are ten good men. I include myself amongst those good men because I respect women in person and online. I try not to have bad experiences with them and keep any and all relationships with them cordial.

Men, just keep in mind that that woman you may be disrespecting is someone mother, sister, aunt, grandmother, etc. Unless she directly gives you permission to talk dirty to her online don't do it. If you want to talk dirty to her just ask or read her profile she might have already mentioned in it her desire to not be approached in such a way. Thanks for reading this and I hope that you may heed my advice. Take care everyone and enjoy yourselves keep it fun and friendly.

1. If I go to your profile and encounter a message that you have not been on for awhile and asking me to invite you back and I do so at least three times and you don't come back.

2. If I have fanned you and like and rate your profile every day and ask for you to friend me and you don't after repeated tries.

3. If your daily rating is very high and when I check your . status and recent activity and see that you are not on for long periods of time.

4. If I fan rate and like you every day and you don't return the favor ever.

5. On a daily basis I buy drinks for those who have done so for me and some even get shit faced. I expect the same from my friends and fans I have no need for popularity hounds and leeches.

6. If you have been my friend for at least a month and I don't even get a like or rate from you or any kind of correspondence from you.

7. Every day I check who has liked my profile and if there are people there that I don't have on my list I like and rate them back. If as a friend you never show up on that like list yet I like and rate you every day.

8. If all you do is beg for free points without putting in the work yourself and you do so frequently and habitually.

9. If you don't have the manners to even say a simple thank you when I do something for you.

10. If all you do on your daily status is bitch and complain all the time about how miserable you or your life is. I don't like negative people infecting my positive outlook on life. I've learned not to bitch and moan but to suck it up and look for the positive that can be gained from life's bad experiences.

I've only been an active member of fubar for just a couple of months, but I have noticed some distasteful trends on here. The site itself in my opinion is good so the issue is not the site but rather with many of its users. I consider myself to be an altruistic type of personality both in life and online. I try to help my friends, neighbors, and the occassional stranger from time to time. This same mentality and attitude carries over to my personality online.

The first thing that I found disturbing was how some men address and treat women on this site. I am disgusted at how they assume that every woman on the site is here for one night stands or quick sex. Or that all they want is to see their penis pics and absorb their verbal abuse and disrespectful ways. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind the occassional dirty chat session or even camming with a member of the opposite sex. But there are ways to go about that in my opinion. As online friends boundaries have to be set and if you mutually come to the decision that dirty chat and exchanging of pics is perfectly fine then I don't see a problem. But when you talk to a woman as you would a prostitute you purchased on the street just because she might have posted some risque pics on her profile is appalling.

The next problem I have is that some people on here are what I would just term glory hounds or engaged in a popularity contest. They love to have everyone like, rate, fan, friend, crush on them, and send them bling but they don't return the favor. Since I have been here I like, rate, and polish bling from all of my friends, fans, and people I am a fan of on a daily basis. I have a list of 400 plus friends and am lucky if I get 50-70 likes a day! That means that at least 330 of those so called friends are not friends but dead weight. They take take take but they dont reciprocate.

Nothing is more irritating than those who want to level up and need a few million points and want others to just give them points! I work hard everyday to get my required points in order to level up. I have never begged for free points nor would I ever do so. There are so many ways to build up those points if only these users would stop being so lazy and would seek them out.

Finally, I understand that you may have many friends on your list and can't rate and like them all at once. But this is just a matter of time management and rewarding the most deserving of your friends for being loyal and doing the same for you. I check who liked me at the end of every day to see who did and I like and rate from there those I don't know and go to my regular list to do the rest. I even rate, like, polish bling, send a birthday card, and fupal gift fu bucks for all my friends on their birthdays. Most are grateful and express that in emails to me. Others don't say a word and just continue leeching off of the kindness of more appreciative members of the community.