DreamStorm's blog: "Crazy Ramblings"

So often on this site we call eachother friends, leave wishes for a wondeful day, send presents, and yet never truly know the person at all! Luckily for you, though, I love to write! So now that I have a working keyboard, I will keep a blog on here and maybe those who read it will get to know me better. I'm not anything special, but at least you will have an idea of who your sending those drinks and presents too :) 

First off, some basics. My name is Jill and I just turned 34 less than a week ago, I wasn't very willing to get older lol. I kept saying I was going to stay back and repeat my 33rd year because I had failed. In truth, it was a very tough year..but I'll cover that in another entry. Anyway, I'm happily married to a WONDERFUL man. His name is Dan (or Danny whatever you wanna call him). I call him neither of those names, I call him, "Hubby," and I always have. I never thought he looked like a Dan, so I couldn't get used to calling him by his name lol. I had a friend who I was close to who's name was Danny and for some reason, it weirded me out to call him by his name. So it was, "hey you!" before we got married, and then when we got married I said, "Hey, I can call you Hubby!" and it stuck. But here on Fubar, he is, dragonlord. Look him up if you wanna, he's EXTREMELY nice, and he's awesome too. 

I've been married to this wonderful man for 15 years now, we just celebrated our anniversary earlier this month. We married young, I was a shy 18 year old but we worked together, and I fell head over heals the moment I saw him. He was 22. I knew I would marry this stranger the instant I saw him. 6 months later we got married. About 4 years into our marriage, tradjedy almost took him away from me. He was hit by a snowplow during a Maine blizzard, in the middle of the night. He was trying to help someone get their car out of a snowbank that they had slid into. He was a cook at a Denny's restaraunt. The guy in the plow was going so fast (and had no headlights on for some UNGODLY reason), the blow threw him 60 feet into a ditch. It was right before Christmas. And my life suddendly turned on its head. He was transported to a far away hospital because our local hospital was ill equiped to deal with such injuries. The accident literally shattered both of his legs from the knee down. In fact they told me at first that they were going to amputate both of his legs. And he also suffered a major brain injury, and was in a coma. I had to move away from everything and everyone I knew to be with him through everything. I now suffer post traumatic stress disorder and not a day goes by that I dont forget, "the dark days," of my life. 

Him and I are soul mates. We are set in stone, and not one person, accident, or thing in life has ever even come close to posing a risk to our relationship...except when he nearly died. His story was posted in the papers over and over, and a christmas story was even written about him and his accident. I will post a copy of it someday. I usually save that for Christmas because it is our own Christmas story. He is a miracle. He pulled through, he overcame every thing that they told us he couldn't or might not. He came out of the coma, he had amnesia and didn't even know me...or anyone. They told me that he needed to be instatutionalized and I would not be able to see him anymore for a long time til he got better. I refused. I trained myself in how to rehabilitate him myself, and I brought him home. I did my very best to make him well again, and he had his, "wake up," moment! He remembered everything and everyone (for the most part, he did lose some memories) and he relearned how to walk (forgot to mention a special doctor was able to piece his legs back together). I write about this part of my life because its such a big part of who I am. Its the part of both his, and my life that put everything and every single part of who we are back into perspective. It changed us forever. And we even fell in love all over again, nothing was the same as before. It wrecked our whole lives...and then when we put it back together, it was stronger than ever! I love him so unconditionally, and so completely, that I cannot even fathom life without him. And he demonstrates that he feels that same way about me. 

Him and I have gotten through things that have put our very sanity to the test, but never our relationship. We suffered 2 miscarriages very early on in our relationship. And after the second one, I started getting massive cysts on my ovaries and had to have several major surgeries to remove them. The first major one had actually killed one of my ovaries, which depressed us so much because we wanted so much to have children and had been trying unsuccessfully for year after year. Finally after so many surgeries and uncontrollable bleeding (sorry TMI), I kept going anemic, and couldn't live a normal life at all...I was finally diagnosed with severe endometriosis, and after finding out I had yet 2 more of them growing on my final ovary, which we learned was no longer functioning and was dead, I was told I needed to have a hysterectomy at the young age of 28. Devisted was not even close to describing how I felt. Being told not only that you have to have major surgery, because the cysts had attached themselves to several vital organs...but also that even after everything you have been through...you will never have children of your own, is just...a horrible reality to face. After all we had conquered...we could not conquer infertility.

But we took eachothers hands, I remember it so clearly...standing on the beach, crying my eyes out the day I found out. We swallowed the pain, and accepted that it was not meant for us to be parents...and we changed the way we looked at it. Instead of grieving, we looked at the fact that we can be an awesome Auntie and Uncle, we could travel, we could have fun just it being him and I. We accepted it that day, before telling my family because if we didn't, I couldn't have even gotten the words out of my mouth. I still have bouts of sadness, every few years...I go through the, "I wish..." stage. But I get through it, with the help and loving words of my wonderful husband. 

Moving on, I have 3 sisters. Corey, Melissa, and Nicole. My two youngest sisters (the last 2 listed), went on to have children, Melissa had 2, her first born C has autism and panic disorder, just like me. And because of that he is very connected to me, so no, I dont have children, but I've found that being an auntie can be just as important, and rewarding as being a parent myself. My sister Nikki has 3, and they dont live close but I still love those kids so very much! My closest sister, Corey, has had alot of fertility problems and for many years we all thought that she would not have children, she's nearly 33 now so we thought she would suffer my same fate. But a few months ago, a miracle happened! She took a pregnancy test in a local convience store, not expecting anything...but she came out of that bathroom with wide panicked eyes, a look that told me before I even looked at the possitive test! I almost cried! We all worried that she would miscarry, because of the history in our family and our friend had also had a miscarriage this year after not getting pregnant for many many years and she miscarried. We just have that luck. Bad luck. But she is now 17 weeks pregnant, and all is going well. She finds out the gender of the baby in less than a month, and our family cannot be happier! I told her, because she's closest to me, that 2nd best to me having a child would be her having one because her and I always live together, we are best friends, and I have always wanted for her to be able to have a baby, since I cannot. Our house is slowing getting baby things put into it, and what a feeling that is! And we are so happy for her! 

So what am I into? Well, I'm a sky watcher. I love the sky, the clouds, storms, sunsets, lightning, snowstorms, rain..everything to do with weather. If it wasn't for my panic disorder I would have completed school and gone on to be a meteorologist. Its my passion and it always has been. In fact I learned the word, "meteorologist," at the age of 6 because I asked my Mom what the weather teller was called. I told her thats what I want to be. I wish that dream had come true. In 2nd grade our teacher wanted us to write sentences about what we wanted to be when we grew up. Most were simple things like, "doctor," "vet," "teacher," "firefighter," and such. But mine said, "I want to be a meteorologist and tell people the weather." My teacher said, "Wow! Thats a big word for a little girl!" LOL! I always have a weather radar in reach ;D But thats not my only passion. I love art. Everyone used to say I would grow up to be an artist. I still do art sometimes, I love to paint. One of my pictures in my "graphics," albums, the one of the 3 crosses, is actually a painting done by me but I put the digital glitter in it and made it sparkle lol. I love to see other peoples art. My favorite artist is a friend of mine on facebook, he does the most beautiful art I've ever seen in my life. His name is Christoper Pollari, look him up if your interested! His work takes my breath away every time I see it! 

I'm also into photography, but I dont have a camera (other than my cell phone and my tablet which takes laughable quality photos). But fingers crossed someday I will get one one. For now, I'm the one who takes most of the photos of our family and our lives. I am also very interested in the paranormal. I am active on many online paranormal groups, I love ghost hunting, and learning anything I can about life after death. But death itself terrifies me...but maybe thats my drive. I love writing, mostly blogging, and writing on boards helping people when I can. I love music, classic rock, modern rock, soft rock, modern country, pop, rap, and all kinds of stuff. Music is wonderful! I love learning about people, and history! I have a passion for people's life stories! I like autobiographies, and biographies! People fascinate me. I have the ability to see reason in the things people do, both good and bad. Nobody is 100 percent bad or good, we all have both in us. Except I refuse to see any good in people who hurt others like murderers, torturers, molesters, rapists and just rotten people like that. I have low tolerance for people who are stuck on themselves, or try to continuously try to make themselves seem or sound better than everyone else. I have a passion also for animals! I absolutely love them! But I have a special place in my heart for cats, or anything feline, they are so beautiful! I collect tiger stuff, and also dolphins too...just like my niece lol, she takes after me ;P 

Anyway, I think I'll end this book of an entry. They wont all be this long, I just wanted to write about who I am, what I like, and major things that have defined who I am. Tomorrow, I'll write a real daily entry!