As happens so often, I find myself hours from actual sleep. I could lie to myself and lay sleepless with my restless mind going a mile a minute in an enormous loop. I know I spend too much time regreting my past mistakes, but it's hard to let go of something you think about constantly. I still can't believe the retarded shit I did growing up. I still chastise myself for dumb crap I did in as far back as second grade. I can still remember the effects of my violent temper way back then. My problem is that I don't think about things before I do or say them. You think I'd have learned before now. I'd like to think that I'm a pretty smart guy. (Hey, it gets me through the day, okay?) But when I look at my past the evidence that stands out to me points to the opposite. I know that I am hypercritical of myself, but I'm not sure I can help that. My temper has cooled enormously since my younger days, but I still find myself saying and doing retarded things with all too great a frequency. I guess there's something to be said for being "sad and wise". Perhaps someday I will be "sad and wise", but I have a feeling it won't be until I finish getting my Bachelor's degree and get out of college. Well, on that note, I'm going to get some more work done on my research project. I have found that if I don't do the work, it doesn't get done. I was sad when I figured that one out. But I don't feel all that wise yet. Guess I'll have to work on it.
