DKC's blog: "rambles in my head"

ok this will be an on going blog/note/whatever u want to call it started at 1359 on 2001/4/30:

ok so they convo started of good this afternoon then seems like as always i said something and bang we r silent or short on answers. im not shure but seems like thing have changed not sure what they r but the feel is diff. i have so much going on in my head and not shure how speak my thoughts and every time i do speak seems like i am fucking some thing up now everybody now i am not no word smith most i use are 5 cents words and when i speak seems like what i want to come out is jumble or just confusse's ppl and yes i know i can't spell for jack. but what it is i am trying to say is i dont know what to say i am a guy who is willing to speak his mind to any one but is scared if he will do it to u that it will push u away becuse it seems the one time i did u have moved away from it's not like u did not know how i felt but seems when i said it out loud it scared u even tho the thoughts u have where same one i have had not sure how to repair whats wrong when i dont know i can read ppl with easy but with u i got u but yet i dont and i like that........wonders why when i knew i was not the kinda man that deserve's a gal like u that u came to me even when i wanted to come to u well enough on that for right now......i am on air for a few hrs playing some tunes that make me think and thinking with me is never good i always go and do some thing stupid kinda like this one i post it for some reason i reckon will be a mistake but i will do it anyways.......i am not much of a blogger type i norm keep stuff in my head or on papper for just me to see i had so much in my head that i dont even know where to start or what to put..... ok work well it sucks me and my boss well thats a story seems things there are going down everybody likes to think chris is a drugie stil WELL IM NOT U FUCKING DICHKEADS the local crackhead thinks i am is personal what is this pill and is it good guy......it piss's me off that u try and change but ppl dont want u too why is becuse u show up on time to work do the same amount of work as 3 ppl u get treated like shit but the worthless ppl get treated like gold and otep says in a song " we are happy little slaves for minume wage" well fuck yea we are we have no choice but to be there are no jobs any where and if u can find one well thats all it pays and u have to over work yourself to get underpaid to be able to pay one bill and beg to pay the other later why should a life have to be that? well it should not be that way but we have come to let our nation come to shit the truest thing i have heard was "we are a nation of wolfs controlled by sheep" and the sheep are wolfs in lamb clothing so they can make themselfs seem better than me or u my friends when they are no better than a petty theif becuse thats what they are doing t us stealing so we stay poor and them well i am that is over that i dont want to be rich beyond my means but i dont want to struggle anymore why should i....i have paid my dues i have suffered i have the pain and scares to show it u dont belive get to know me and u will see thats why everybody runs away from i am a truely good person who just fucks up if u cant handle that i am sorry but thats me i say fucked up shit that makes ppl and wonder but u know i dont hide who iam and try to be who i am not sure im not ugly but i am no fucking douche abercrombie and fitch dude i am like my t-shirts and jeans i dont have a style thats makes ppl say damn he looks hot i am me and nothing more so why would i want to be somebody like that who lets their ego controll who they are and cant be them selfs even tho they think they do? well that enough for now i will be back with more