DKC's blog: "rambles in my head"

ok so it's been awhile since i blogged and well alot has happened since the laost blog but not sure how much i wanna share of it. but i can say i am a happier in many ways since i am enrolled in college ready for it to start but gotta say i am scared as shit tho means so many new things to come in my life and decisions to be made and not sure witch way to move or if these classes may just pull a cincinnati switch on my ass and i am gonna be left out in the cold? if this happens has i burnt to many bridges to turn back around and pick up with the mediocore life that i am in now where my biggest thrill is looking forward to going out to eat at night i mean don't get me wrong i get great joy out of hanging with my online friends and my nightly games of backgammon with bella where i get my ass whipped 8 out of 10 times are awesome and knowing that i can tell her anything and she knows what i mean and where i am coming from makes a day ten times better and i have met some cool new people but i guess i need to ask myself like i was just asked as of late how do you want from your life and i think about it all the time but you know i am not to sure yes i think about it all the time but you know i use to be able to look forward and see what i wanted and where to go to get but you i have not been able to that in a long time but you there is one thing in my life i can do that with and here comes the same things back in my head what are you gonna do to screw that up and you i am trying my hardest not to i know i have to recheck myself everyday to amke sure i don't becuse good things don't come by in my life to often but i have some ghood things and i do beleave that one day with the ones i already have the good will out wiegh the bad but i am not sure how long it will take and will anybody be around when it does to share in the joy with me i know they are here in my time pf pain but you know friends i would like them to hear to enjoy my happy times not just my bad!!! i gotta say tho with out her knowing when we had our "BIG" fight she made me take a good hard look at myself with some things she said to me and becuse of that she has tought me to forgive myself for some things i have done so i can move forward and learn to live and love with the joy of my full heart and soul again. I gotta say tho it's has not been easy but she has been there for me everyday to help me through it just hope one day i can be just as good a friend to her and all my firends as she has been to me!!! bottom line is folks with all i have said and the fears of upcoming things that will change my life in every way i am looking forward to it and will let everybody know how it goes with blessing of the lord and the touch of the devil i may pull this college thing out of my ass and do what i want to do in life and share it with that one right person to give them all they & i want.............