DKC's blog: "rambles in my head"

so today is thursday the 2011/05/05

          i wake up and go into work today to have the boss once again jump my ass for stuff that i had nothing to do with! it's starting to become a trend blame chris and it will all be good.......right? well fuck that i am not ur fall guy im no longer happy and when i'm not happy well stand bye to fucking stand bye......chris has made his mind up i will make something of myself i'm no longer the guy that will just stand there and take shit not that i really do anyways but i have tryed that here now and i don't like it so much so gusse what i'm not gonna bottom line.........got to talk to her today have had a good day with her but i know i said some dumb shit and i know why i'm doing it..... say what i can say is listen dumb ass knock it off stop being so scared and trying to push her away becuse she is a great gal and u know it dumb ass just hope i have not done enough pushing that i lose her!!! so iwas told by some one that i get emo what the fuck dose that really mean emo yes i know what it stands for but i am no 14 yr old school girl dreesed all up in black trying to act like i hate the world to get attenion......but am i emo for becomeing willing to show my feelings and trying to ask for help with them b4 i slip so far down i can't come back from that place that i seem to love and most ppl are afraid of?......i dont know but i seem to be more confussed the more i try to become in touch and understand myself at 33 can u have a mid life criss's if u can i think i'm haveing it........and whats happening becuse of this is i'm loseing and i know she will tell me it but i see it and i ask of u please don't let them dumb ass side of me push u away and don't let ur own feelings of being scared to let some one love help me push u away........so tonight i go see my doughter play her softball game i get a speeding ticket there becuse i am running late only get to see 3 innings she did fucking awesome my baby is the best 7 yr old player alive but the hardest part was when she asked me dady why don't u come around i cry at night thinking u don't love me.......how do u tell her that here mother is the one stopping me and don't answer my calls or txts how can u tell the one person next to my son that i love more than the world the heaven and hell more than god himself or the devil who will work for me one day that it's ur mom the one that she looks up to is the one doing it not me....how do u not cry untill u go to the bathroom so she don't see ur pain and think she did something wrong becuse she did not it's amazeing how kids can read stuff and ppl these's day and man she is smart as whip...ok enough on that i hurt enough..... so after the game my x's ask me to talk away from everybody i say ok.....she ask if i can fix the car that her hubby took apart and can't fix becuse he don't have a fucking clue as to what he is doing bottom line i tell her yes and she hugs me as we seperate the fucking pussy ass bitch of a mother fucker sucker punch's me in my jaw so b4 i can ram and smash his bitch no balls haveing ass she steps in front of me i tell u friends and readers if she was not prego i would have ran her ass over and he would be dead and me in jail right now bottom line....... if i had driven my truck instead of a friends car to the game he would be dead and me in the slammer but i told him and her if i see that gutlees fucking prick again he is good as dead and my friends and readers thats not an idle promise the rage of what my doughter had to see him do and see her crying well thats not forgiveable i have for given alot with him and this i can't u would think when the man u sucker punched has already put a 44 in ur face once when he was calm would be enough and now u have set emotion the wilder beast in my head and the thoughts he has for me to do to u well lets not let that can of worms open......why is it u can never shut ur brain off when u want to when u need it to but when u u need it......it never seems to fail u? ok im off b4 i say shit i should not be letting out of my head yet things i know that i do not need to say ever things ppl dont need to know.......mom i love and miss u please help keep an eye out for me and keep me from being the dumb ass i been acting like.......... i ask the rage and fear i have will not allow me to not use the great common sense i have and cloud my better judgement