I hurt today, alone, frustrated, angered. I seek to be loved, to love someone. It always seems that its just one side. Alone in this darkness, my inner pains, outweighing the outer pains by much.
I grow envious of what I do not have, it consumes me, it saddens me. I grow tired of mere words, I seek proof that someone really cares. Not all are willing to give such, for words are easier.
So I sit here, in this char, the sounds of a lounge pounding through my ears, the pain of my back, my knee, and all other recent injuries are meaningless. I'd gladly take on any pain, to no longer sit alone in my darkness, waiting for someone to turn on the light.
But does it occur? Will it ever? I sometimes think complete darkness, void of all thoughts and life itself, would be less painful. I guess those that really care, would hate it if it happened, but they don't stand nor walk in my shoes. It seems that they are uncaring that they walk the world alone. I envy their strength.
My family will appear out of no where, they will attack me verbally, they will tell me I have problems, because I lack motivation, they will blame the bottle or the beer, call it the reason I feel like I do. But what do they really know? Every single one of them has their own family, how could they possibly know what it is to walk in my shoes? HOW?
Here I sit, watching people who are in worse shape them myself, get tons of attention. I should be happy for them, but NO, I'm jealous, angered even, very envious, what can I do? I get lied to played with, walked on, stomped on even. But who cares? Go Fuck yourself grey. Get over it.
