d htTi's blog: "Tra La La"

Why did this happen? No its beyond my control What did i do wrong? But it wasnt my fault I tried to warn you Did you miss the signs You cant blame me I told you to stay away Why didnt you listen? Dammit why do i care This is your mess You did this Your the one that got too involved I told you to stop Just BACK THE FUCK OFF! Did i not sound serious enough Could i have been anymore explainatory with the situation Listen to my words Thats what i kept saying You blocked out my voice Now look your heart is paying for it Dont change the subject I wont even hear it How could you put me through this pain? All you had to do is GO AWAY! But you wouldnt Now look what happened I told you to FUCKIN LISTEN! Suffer by yourself I dont care anymore.... GOODBYE comes easily I guess you shouldve been LISTENING!!!!

what if i told you that lately my feelings have been a little off track would you consider it bad? cause for a certain extent i have been wishing that our relationship would end quicker than it has been yet maybe im wrong for feeling this way it wouldnt be bad if i continued to stay STAY as in AWAY AWAY from you and all the pain that youve been CAUSING!

its no good its a disease theres no cure just blank instinct you cant love its an incapability you cant feel your too strong you cant break your invisible you cant breathe your slowly dieing from the broken heart the cursed thinking and that hatred thought that drifted you away from the one thing that you hated yet made you HAPPY! or is the happiness you feel a temporary get away from the real pain youve endored and your broken heart thats CURSED!

Falling into this deep depression In need of immediate sessions Gazing into tomorrow Seeing nothing but blank sorrow Crying false tears Scared of hidden fears Bleeding dry blood My emotions are covered up Afraid of honest tendencies Suicide is becoming a dream Razor of everlasting life The blade will finally bleed tonight My heart-beat becomes faint Did i make a mistake? I was so sure of everything Until the innocent beings watched me drift away They watched their mother die With no reasons why Their lives would never be the same All because of selfish tendencies

maybe but im not sure, possibly yet i might, it could be good right? hmm.... i dont know....its nice but im scared alone in my world drawn in by fear pain and the sad reality of broken dreams....does it seem too far to reach....is it just a temporary thing? are these even questions that can be answered? who really knows what it'd be like, not me not you not us combined....what could be so wrong with trying? broken hearts crushed souls constant crying....maybe not maybe so....does it matter could it matter would it matter? why does this irritate me so....to not know to never want to go with the flow....confussed on instant revising the situation no conclussion ending in pure frustration....quiting being the first thought but continuing could mean something i deeply want....do i know what i want? to know your wants without experiencing the reward....is it even worth working for? wanting....having....trashing....rejecting? and what for? consequences someones gotta pay for it....for what? wanting something so bad getting and taking it back....warm desires under hormonial emotions coming close to words that mean nothing ending in unanswerable thoughts always being lost....coming across questions unknown scared to be hurt so you get there first....making decisions is it really worth the thought....you never know what youll get dealt or come across....go with your heart is what ive been told....but if i listened itd constantly be broke....how can a broken heart speak when every other word skips a beat....does it seem hard to believe? put your head to my chest and while listening youll soon see that my heart beats negatively....

who are you? where did you come from? and why do i like you oh so much? i cant stop thinking about you and im yet to figure out why....maybe its your eyes there so magnetic and full of sincerity yet so mysterious in so many ways....its unreal how i feel when im wrapped in your arms so comfortable and secure as if im meant to be there....and those lips the passion and gentleness of each and every carressing kiss....i could definetly get used to this....your so mind blowing the things you say how you think and the way you word things its sometimes so intemmidating but draws me to you all in the same....i almost feel as if i need you and that really scares me....but ill keep my fears hidden away because to me your worth trying for....and thats exactly what im going to do TRY....i have no idea where this is intended to go but im willing to find out....ill do what i have to in order to see where this can lead....because my curiousity has definetly gotten the best of me....I am very dedicated to you and it will continue to be that way....i will stay as long as you welcome me....because commited or not im yours....and i surely want it to remain that way....as for the rest of this its truely a mystery and i close ending in question....it all comes down to me and you now i ask CAN I KEEP YOU????

what do i want? happiness, sincerity, commitment, love all the things that you work SO hard for and wait around for it to just happen....but does it ever just happen? i think not, but i also think that when you have it you'll know....how do you know? i suppose im not at liberty to answer that....for i have not yet found it....what do you have to do to get it? why does it seem like effortless efforts just to taste the feeling....yet how do you know what it feels like if youve never had it....life full of false feelings....that life isnt for me....i need to have it the it.....LOVE....i deserve it right? of course i do....but now i ask....do i deserve YOU?

my mind is wrapped in thoughts of you possibilities negativities i honestly dont know what to do at all....im seriously freakin out because im blinding myself from your emotions almost like i refuse to see them or maybe i dont see them....i guess im too scared to analize whats happening or what has happened....why do i keep myself from being happy when i tell myself that i want that more than anything? maybe im waiting around for you to tell me that its ok to put all my effort into it....geezz....why do i keep tryin to push myself towards you yet try to back off at the same time....what is it about you that scares me so much....maybe i should just stop tryin to figure everything out or assume what is going to happen....id much rather just go into something as if its the first time like a broken heart is something ive never felt before....i dont want to judge this on past relationships i want to start something brand new....for once in my life id really just like to be able to trust someone to give them the benefit of the doubt and let them have something that no one has ever had....theres so much that you dont know that im dieing to tell you but i feel the only way youll really ever know is if you SEE for yourself....but i wonder how much time do i have to show you who i really am and what i can offer you....i fear that my time is very limited and that stresses me out....im definetly going to claim you on silence because i want you to see ME i need for you to see me and i will make that possible....you will be mine well at least i hope so....ill keep my hopes on high until you prove me otherwise....thats something i dont want you to prove to me but eh....youll have that....ill prepare for the worst and hope for the best just so im completely capable of dealing with anything thrown my way....not as if preparation for something such as anything involved in this kind of situation is going to help but ill see what happens from here on out....shit i got my fingers crossed for sure....but my luck is seemingly going very well right now and ill be super sad if it changes anytime soon....wow ok im being bizzarly too open about this i should work on being more mysterious im definetly gonna get caught up in some shit if i dont learn to shut up....so yea once again an amazing amount of rambling from yours truely haha

jealousy driving me absloutley crazy, but what can i say? its just something that happens unintentionally....control your emotions dont let them fall through....jealousy for me....an often felt feeling that seems to never want to go away....how do you rid such an amazingly powerful emotion....it comes and goes on an instant....but leaves your heart with missing pieces....lacking the ability to trust anyone....as if everyone you know are just waiting around to rip out your heart and stomp on it....but WHY???? insecure jealousy now thats a rough one for sure....the things that feeling will cause you to endore is rough all in its own....i assume the only way to obtain power over such a strong emotion is to learn to trust....but what if your incapable of doing so....then im stuck arent i? lost in worlds of broken hearts, jealous tendensies, and untrusting....live on....*silent kisses*

i want to hold you to love you to hug you to kiss you....to always be there for you....but how can i fullfill someone when im not in their presents? at such a distance? words can only go so far....but how far can you go until you feel lonely? is it possible to continue something that has just begun when your forced to only have periodic physical encounters? PHYSICALITY....how important is it? very important to me but without emotions whats the point....which would you rather have? an emotional connection or the physicalness of a person? i suppose id prefer BOTH but im sure that if i had to choose it would definetly be emotional cause anything below that is well not worth the effort....but the word im searching for is LOVE....where is it and does it really exsist not love but true LOVE....to have a pure and mutual bond, understanding, trust, honesty, sincerity, dedication, to be willing to go through whatever it takes to survive the battle to love and be loved....its hard work but of course something that beautiful must be hard....but not everyone is prepared or even willing to go through the maximum to find that one thing that so many people spend their lives searching for....hard to find? your damn right it is....of course it would be because loving in its own is the easy part but to truely love and to work at it and make it last now thats were it gets rough....not too many people withold the strength to fight for something so precious thats why they are LONELY....i dont want to be lonely do you? didnt think so therefore i ask....can you handle LOVE????