my mind is wrapped in thoughts of you possibilities negativities i honestly dont know what to do at all....im seriously freakin out because im blinding myself from your emotions almost like i refuse to see them or maybe i dont see them....i guess im too scared to analize whats happening or what has happened....why do i keep myself from being happy when i tell myself that i want that more than anything? maybe im waiting around for you to tell me that its ok to put all my effort into it....geezz....why do i keep tryin to push myself towards you yet try to back off at the same time....what is it about you that scares me so much....maybe i should just stop tryin to figure everything out or assume what is going to happen....id much rather just go into something as if its the first time like a broken heart is something ive never felt before....i dont want to judge this on past relationships i want to start something brand new....for once in my life id really just like to be able to trust someone to give them the benefit of the doubt and let them have something that no one has ever had....theres so much that you dont know that im dieing to tell you but i feel the only way youll really ever know is if you SEE for yourself....but i wonder how much time do i have to show you who i really am and what i can offer you....i fear that my time is very limited and that stresses me out....im definetly going to claim you on silence because i want you to see ME i need for you to see me and i will make that possible....you will be mine well at least i hope so....ill keep my hopes on high until you prove me otherwise....thats something i dont want you to prove to me but eh....youll have that....ill prepare for the worst and hope for the best just so im completely capable of dealing with anything thrown my way....not as if preparation for something such as anything involved in this kind of situation is going to help but ill see what happens from here on out....shit i got my fingers crossed for sure....but my luck is seemingly going very well right now and ill be super sad if it changes anytime soon....wow ok im being bizzarly too open about this i should work on being more mysterious im definetly gonna get caught up in some shit if i dont learn to shut up....so yea once again an amazing amount of rambling from yours truely haha
