Jasmine's blog: "About me..."

So the mum about being a mama's girl kinda inspired me to write this blog.

You know how most people pretty much love their parents unconditionally no matter what.

Well I guess that's what I have but I am in no way close to my parents at all. I honestly can't remember the last time I hugged either of them or told them I loved them if I had ever even done that. I mean it's given that I DO love them of course, but expressing it is something that I've pretty much never done.

I mean when I was younger I used to sleep in the same bed as my parents and I would always run up to my dad for a hug and if not I was pretty much stuck next to my mother all the time.

But then when I moved to England (I was 6) my parents were fully seperated then and I lived with my mum and saw my dad once a week. I guess then I was still kinda stuck to my mother, I didn't sleep in my own bed till I was about 9 or 10 I think. But anyways I saw my dad once a week still but as I got older and became more fluent in English my Chinese never progressed anymore because I wasn't taught it anymore. As I grew up it became harder for me to talk to my dad, even now I have to get my step-mother to translate. So me and my dad aren't really 'close'. It makes me sad but it's just how it is. I think he tries to make up for it by giving me 'things'. Sometimes I think he thinks that's all he can do for me as a father and he always looks hurt when I tell him I didn't need it. He tells me all the time of when I was little at how excited I got to see him but not I rarely see him ever, once a month maybe or less.

And my mum...meh. I've lived with her all my life but I'm not close to her either. I think I used to be, but somewhere through middle school I think I felt like she pushed me away. (I'd had a step-dad by then) and whenever I used to tell her things or ask her about stuff or whatever she used to just find me annoying so I just did that less and less.

At the moment I only talk to her if I have to, she'd always ask me to go shopping and things and I would always say no...unless I REALLY needed to. Although the other day I did go with her and I really did enjoy it...but that was only because I had to go into the city anyway with her to get my car serviced. Although it hasn't changed things at home, I still avoid talking to her. I'm honestly not interested in anything she tells me or I just can't be bothered to hear it. And my dad...well he lives elsewhere with his family and he has a step-daughter that actually understands him now anyway, besides when I'm on my own with my dad it's awkward because we have nothing to say to each other or I don't get what he tells me and vice versa.

So it's not like I don't love my parents...I just don't want to spend time with them...ever.