Kay Kay's blog: "Thoughts and STUFF"

Some people dont know what they have until its too late. HA! That'll teach them to be blind. One can only hope they dont find themselves wishing they had ever let a great thing slip out of their hands...so many do. Some even turn bitter form it...others...feel sorry for themselves. The smart ones learn and never make that mistake again. The brave admit their stupidity and go out on a limb to try and get it back. Something to be admired...bravery. Even better...to be admired and cherished...a person who appreciates their friends and lets them know in no uncertain terms what they mean to them on a regular basis. Even just to reaffirm the friendship once in a while can make foundations stronger and unyielding. It costs nothing to do...doesnt need much effort and it makes the recipient glad to have met and given themselves to such a great friend. It only makes things better. Some people just dont get it do they? You cant expect a flower to grow and be pretty without water and sunshine...so how does a friendship survive in a void of feeling and attention? Love needs nurchering...it doesnt stay alive 'just because'. There is reason and cause for love to have started..and reason and cause for it to continue. I see it everywhere...its affecting so many people i know...this thing called neglect. My advice to poeple is to not accept anything less than what they give. If it becomes clear that your 'friends' suffer from 'out of sight- out of mind' or they are too selfish to onvolve you in their daily lives...then move on. They are not worth the effort it takes to keep them. Let it go. If it is something of substance...they will be 'brave' and restore what connection you had. If they dont...theres your answer. Stop giving sooo much that you suddenly have nothing left to give. There are many people on this planet...many sincere genuine people. Unfortunaltely you have to kiss alot of toads before you find your prince/ss. It is a shallow world and takes effort to delve deeper...but once you do that...you find a whole new breed of people who are searching for something more than what is on the surface. Stay away from the fickle and blind and greedy. They are damaging to the soul. They have soul mates...just like them. Thats karma.

There are moments in your life that seem to live forever............ Good times that bring a smile to your face whenever you think of them.....getting your first puppy, riding you bike without training wheels, you first home run in Little League, catching your first fish, your first REAL kiss, driving the car the first time by yourself, knowing you have found "the one". But along with these wonderous moments are the not so good times......The ones that bring a tear to your eye and a sinking feeling in your chest by just thinking of them.....The lost of a loved one, the breaking of your childs heart, the words you said that you can't take back, knowing you disappointed the most important person in your life. They both have profound effects on who you were, who you are and who may become. We can only hope to have more of the "good ones" than the "bad ones".

Im getting disdained at people who are self centred and fickle. Many think the world should revolve around them and their lives. I have a few friends that have nothing better to do than worry about whats going on in their life and what is affecting them. Arrogance seems to breed in people like this. After hearing all about what they know, what they have done, what they feel and what they think....sometimes they have the courtesy to ask about others and their worlds...only to relate it back to themselves at every given opportunity. This is wearing thin...and has for a very long time with me. I have seen it so much and bite my tounge (and will continue to do so unless it hurts my world....and most times i move away before it can do irreversable damage)...I give people a fair go and leave it to the powers that be to judge....but what i do is observe and learn and pray my future children never grow to have this kind of attitude. It is a repellant to be arrogant. Fickleness is seen for what it is...but no one will tell you. I myself have 'friends' that are forever talking bout themselves and their acchievements. But they have nothing and havent really contributed much to anything other than air. I shant name names...its not important. (anyone who really knows me will know what i speak of anyway...its not a new observation...jusy getting very very old) I get in contact with a friend and they 90% of the time are telling me how things are for them. What they did...who they think they impressed...what they are going to do...what happened to them...how great they are....yada yada yada. They fail to notice i dont ask them sometimes. Maybe i just felt like a light hearted discussion on the weather or price of eggs in china? Might wanted to muck about and be bubbily....not told all about the person and their lives. I know about them. Now if the person i call is genuinely distraught or needs to unload because things are getting too much to hold into themselves...im there for as long as it takes. I would never get annoyed at a peron in need of an ear and a friend. I love to feel needed and often need people like that myself. The people i have that relationship with...people that call out to me cause they need a friend...i call them my true friends of substance. They are inveribly there for me if i feel a little down and need to chat. Not all are but most are. I do have friends that unload on me but when i need to unload on them...theyre too busy or they have enough stress themselves to be there for me. Im just not worth it then. Its all too much for them. They have very short memories. Or they are ok jack...so please stop raining on their parade. UUUGGHHHH...*shakes head* Its a shame. Next thing they realise is they get contacted a little less. Then they reach out and start contacting the people that backed away....only to stupidly start on about themselves once again. Sad...so very sad and it stunts their spiritual growth! You cant become all wordly and understanding if you are stuck in a bubble of your own little world. Forget Self!!!!!!! FORGET SELF!!!!! If thats the only 2 words my future kids remember me saying i will be happy. FORGET SELF! Its amazing how wonderful the world can seem once that is acchieved. It really all falls back to the fact that courtesy, manners, generosity and kindness are dwindling in some people and being replaced with aloofness, self importance, arrogance (even ignorance) and dishonesty. Yes i am on a soap box. I have had a gutfull and just cant do a damn thing about it. Im glad i care about people...i'm glad i can get out of myself to be reached and liked and even loved. It takes no effort...just understanding and respect. Luckily...i have found many people who are the same....selfless and lovable. Thankyou to those people whom are always there for me....know i am always there for you. Arrogance .... its such a turn off.

Some people dont know what they have until its too late. HA! That'll teach them to be blind. One can only hope they dont find themselves wishing they had ever let a great thing slip out of their hands...so many do. Some even turn bitter form it...others...feel sorry for themselves. The smart ones learn and never make that mistake again. The brave admit their stupidity and go out on a limb to try and get it back. Something to be admired...bravery. Even better...to be admired and cherished...a person who appreciates their friends and lets them know in no uncertain terms what they mean to them on a regular basis. Even just to reaffirm the friendship once in a while can make foundations stronger and unyielding. It costs nothing to do...doesnt need much effort and it makes the recipient glad to have met and given themselves to such a great friend. It only makes things better. Some people just dont get it do they? You cant expect a flower to grow and be pretty without water and sunshine...so how does a friendship survive in a void of feeling and attention? Love needs nurchering...it doesnt stay alive 'just because'. There is reason and cause for love to have started..and reason and cause for it to continue. I see it everywhere...its affecting so many people i know...this thing called neglect. My advice to poeple is to not accept anything less than what they give. If it becomes clear that your 'friends' suffer from 'out of sight- out of mind' or they are too selfish to onvolve you in their daily lives...then move on. They are not worth the effort it takes to keep them. Let it go. If it is something of substance...they will be 'brave' and restore what connection you had. If they dont...theres your answer. Stop giving sooo much that you suddenly have nothing left to give. There are many people on this planet...many sincere genuine people. Unfortunaltely you have to kiss alot of toads before you find your prince/ss. It is a shallow world and takes effort to delve deeper...but once you do that...you find a whole new breed of people who are searching for something more than what is on the surface. Stay away from the fickle and blind and greedy. They are damaging to the soul. They have soul mates...just like them. Thats karma.

I am worthy of a good life and a fair chance. I am worthy of good friends. I am a good provider and a hard worker. I must listen to what people who really know me say about me and try to believe in me. I will ever allow dogmatic people to push me down and i shall never be an ego boost to another again in any fashion or form. What i put out i will get in return. I am going to suceed in life. I need not to look behind me but look forward and see the future for what it is...FULL of new experiences and opportunities. I am honest to myself and others...and honesty is everything.

Some days I forget to count my blessings & I let myself see mole hills as mountains. Its a human trait i guess. It helps when your feeling a little run down, be that physically, mentally or spiritually (yes it is possible) to get yourself in a state of 'why me...not fair...bleah life'. These days are challenging. I find myself inactive on days i feel bad. I loose all motivation to just move...and i also find myself feeling very tired. Still...at some point in the day i push myself to do at least something. A good sleep might help me, just going to sleep mid day - but most times that just not possible. I havent been feeling bad lately although i still forget to count my blessings. The stage of life im feeling is....how to say this....well - its like i have been led into a very loud active room , stayed there awhile, now i have been led out and are in a very quiet waiting room facing a door. Im waiting to see if that door is going to open for me...waiting to see whats behind it....waiting to experience the next room and what it brings. Im in no hurry. I have my family in the room with me and theyre keeping me company. Theyre my blessings there. I fail to remeber that sometimes....how easy it is to count my blessings. 1...2 very easy. They are the biggest and most important blessings i have apart from it being a blessing just to be alive. See...theres #3. I have friends with me in this room...quietly looking at their own doors. Silently wondering whats in store for them next. (blessing #4 = friends.) Some of these friends are involved with their own lives...they stare too intently on their own doors to remember to gaze in my direction and wave now and then. It feels like they forget that i exist sometimes...but when i honestly think about it - theyre there with me. They just have their own lives keeping them busy. Im sure if they werent my friends they'd have told me. So they are there. I'll just sit and be patient til they DO wave to me...then i'll smile at them and wave right back their way. After all...i'm just a friend...I am not THAT important in the grand scheme of their daily lives....as they arent that important in the grand scheme of mine. However...there are a couple of friends there with me that are nudging me regularily and giggling with me in this 'quiet' room. They make their presence felt. They stop me looking too hard at that door of mine and make me look about the room and see whats going on around me. I nudge back and make them look away from their 'doors'for awhile from time to time too. Make them smile and take 5. Sometimes we discuss in great depth what was in the room we just left...and we contemplate together what is in the room behind our doors. Most of them have a pc and chat with me there...some are txting on a phone at times...but theyre right next to me. They are my most cherished friends. (blessing #5 = close friends) Although i dont have many family members around me...i have a few. (blessing #6 = family) So the quiet room isn't a lonely place really. Its just not like the room i came from. I am in no hurry to rush through the unopened doors in front of me. Physically i cant yet...i cant even see a handle on the door! I dont know how to open them yet...but i'm sure it will open somehow. I know 'God' is there...he is the quietest but he is there. That i consider a great blessing (#6 = my faith). He gave me everything i need to make it through the door in front of me...and sends help in my times of struggle. He is who i thank for everything i am and can be. (blessing #7 = freedom to choose) So with all o ahve acknowledged and my able body (blessing #8 = a body that i can use and #9 = its presently healthy) So no matter what the doors reveal...i am equiped with everything i need to survive it. All the blessings i just numbered will get me through anything i face. They will give me strength for me and will generate strength i can give to others. The days my mole hills grow into mountains...i can scale them with all my blessings and grow. I can grow so big that they'll become weenie mole hills once more and i have become stronger to face real mountains be it alone or with people that need me. My blessings are there and real and precious. I just forget to count them sometimes. ~* are you breathing? got people to love? then its going to be a beautiful day!*~

lately i've been wishing i had one desire something that would make me never want another something that would make it so that nothing matters all would be clear then but i guess i'll have to settle for a for a few brief moments and watch all dissolve into a single second and try to write it down into a perfect sonnet or one foolish line because that's all that you'll get so you'll have to accept you are here and then you're gone but i believe that lovers should be tied together and thrown into the ocean in the worst of weather and left there to drown left there to drown in their innocence but as for me i'm coming to the final chapter i read all of the pages and there is still no answer only all that was before i know must soon come after that is the only way it can be so i stand in the sun and i breathe with my lungs trying to spare myself the weight of the truth saying everything you have ever seen was just a mirror and you've spent your whole life sweating in an endless fever and now you are laying ina bathtum full of freezing water wishing you were a ghost but once you knew a girl and you named her lover and danced with her in kitchens through the greenest summer but autumn came, she disappeared you don't remember where she said she was going to but you know that she is gone because she left you a song that you don't want to sing we're singing i believe that lovers should be chained together and thrown into a fire with their songs and letters and left there to burn in their arrogance but as for me i'm coming to my final failure i've killed myself with changes trying to make it better but i still ended up becoming something other than what i had planned to be now i believe that lovers should be draped in flowers and layed entwined together on a bed of clover and left there to sleep left there to dream of their happiness