i've gone the opposite direction in amazing myself lately.
i'm nearly becoming someone i've always hated, but in a good way. i only hated those people because i was jealous.
i mean.. me? jealous? never!
its just nuts to me but no matter how bad things seem to get, i still love everything. a few months ago, i still wished i was dead.
sure, on occasion i miss my dramatic friendships that ended so suddenly . but i also see that whatever i may have done or said to cause all of it hasn't been mentioned or forgiven, so maybe they weren't really worth it after all. i tried, and i was pushed further, thank you. i did run into some old friends recently that i had been really shitty to and cut out of my life with no warning, but when we sat down to talk, everything was fine. and i was told that they were not good friends to have. hmm..
either way, i've finally been able to let go of the past. not all, but most. i've realized that time is a major part of who i am now.
i'm almost too optimistic for myself lately, and it scares me. everything is beautiful again. this must be how i felt when i was three years old. i picked up a feather from my grandparents' suburban one day and exclaimed "grandpa! it's incredible!"
