have you ever just had one of those days where u just sit and think and think and the question u have to ask u cant get the answers to? or u get lies to. well it seams that i have done alot of thinking and i just cant get some things off my mind and it is killing me.startting to wonder about alot of things and im getting annoyed with everything and everyone.weather it is my job,kids,husband,the man im in love with and so on.
i dont have the worlds grestest job but it is my job and i like what i do..it is just the store and i feel that everyone thinks im just wasted pace and i should quit.
the kids well one aint doing good in school and dont want to be here....wants to spend all her time with her friends and i understand that is a teenanger thing . the other one well she is hatting life right now and could care less about anyone who cares about her and for the youngest well she is picking up bad habbits from her sisters and im haveing a hard time getting her to stop her shit...hoping that it will break soon.they r my world and i do what i can but it is a non winning battle between them all....
my husband well he is a ass...no matter what i do or say it is wrong...our marriage has fallen apart over the last 5 years. i get stuck in the middle between the kids and him...i cant afford to leave him right now.even though i have been told that i could make it but if i leave him i will never get the dream that i have been wantting for years.and that is to move back home....i just know that once i get there it is going to be over.that is fine but i will have a hard road a head of me and i will have to put on a happy face for everyone like i do now...
and well the man im in love with well i just dont know any more. i know that if i was home it would be easier and we could work at it together even thou he knows the hell i have been threw over the years .we have lost contact also over the years and i keep chipping at this VERY thick wall he has up and i dont know what to do to break it .... i have been told to keep chipping at the wall because he will come around and relize what he has in fount of him again....he has told me that he does want me back but is he just telling me waht i want to hear or is it the truth? i miss and love him so much i cant even say...i would do anything for him and i dont think that he see's it like i do...we can get on good convo but then for some reason i get a different picture about it...i just dont know what it is about him but i feel safe,free,no worries, someone that really cares and loves me for me and i dont have to pretend around...
i feel that i have no one to talk to and when i do state whats on my mind i have the feeling that who ever is listening that they dont even really care and wish i would just shut up...
well i just had to get some shit off my mind so i would feel better and i do to a point but i dont know...i guess i will have to just keep doing what i do and hope for the best.
