Over 16,529,933 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
It is quite warm today…almost to the point of being annoying.
So of course I decided to clean today. I love cleaning. I love cleaning thoroughly…no half-assing it. Stuff gets unplugged and moved and lifted.
It is amazing how filthy it can get underneath a bed.
I also had a slight spider problem over the last week so there has been a lot of hunting and killing and spraying stuff in every nook and cranny. I don’t care if you “love” spiders and that they are “good” for getting rid of insects. They freak me the fuck out and they all must die.
Tore apart all my electronics as well and that took some work. I do have quite a bit of them. Aside from the computer there’s the tv, the cable box/dvr, the PS3, the XM Radio, the iPod clock radio, the Wii, The XBox 360, the PS2, the record player and stereo system…and that’s not counting the system I have stored away.
We have exceptional fuses I suppose.
Everything is clean now…and I like it…and nary a spider in sight.
Pretty much all of the vacation time I had left was taken up by doctor’s appointments this month…I guess any traveling will have to wait until August. Not that I really have plans, I just feel the need to see something…anything…anywhere but here.
It’s the weekend and Harry Potter is on ABC Family and invariably I have had it on all weekend. I’ll never understand people that don’t like Harry Potter…read the books…please.
I guess I’ve run out of things to talk about…have a nice week everyone.
You turn me on…
Not like a light switch…
Like an old oil lantern…
Smoldering…from blackness…to enough heat to melt metal…
Every sense slowly feeling the burn…until my brain is on fire with the thought of you…
Until I can’t think, can’t breathe…until I burn.
I wear so many masks…sometimes I don’t even realize it…
Who I am, with different people, to keep certain things out of the light at certain times…
I do my best to accept people for who they are…I rarely give anyone a chance to accept me…
Someone close to me once told me that I’m masterful at giving away so much of myself without actually giving away anything…
I can put it down as myself actually evolving, but that’s only part of the truth…
The other part is that I refuse to stand in front of the mirror that is another person’s gaze…instead I reflect what I think they want to see…all part of me…but never the whole…
And I wonder sometimes if I’ve lost the ability to be something solid anymore…if I’m just constantly a liquid…morphing from one me to the next…
I don’t think I’ve ever been really happy for a long time…I won’t let myself….the fall hurts too much…
Hurts so much more than simply not being happy…treading water…
Vicarious lives through books and music and movies…anyone but me…those millions of happy endings my childhood promised me…all in my head…
All lies…
Do you feel it sometimes? When you create something?
That connection to something more than what you are…that loss of logical thought…the falling into of pure instinct…
Channeling something greater than yourself…it’s the only time I believe in something…
Something more than this brief candle flame.
Something guiding, working through me…unconsciously…
It’s why I like Jung…why I call myself Philemon…why I hope to someday swim in that sea…
I hope to find you…there…
I just finished this novel a little while ago. I wish it had been longer. I think that's the best compliment I can give to a novel. I wanted more, because the characters and the world they inhabit became something special to me.
I've liked Neil Gaiman's work for a while now, having read his Sandman comics as well as other work he's done in the comic medium. This was the first full novel of his that I've read (not counting Good Omens with Terry Pratchett) and he is even more amazing than I already thought he was.
Hi writing, for lack of a more eloquent word, is beautiful. He's an artist with words. In the past with his work I've had other artists doing the seeing of his work for me. When left up to me, it felt like a privilege to turn his words into my own images in my head. I can't wait to read more of his novels.
American Gods is the story of a man named Shadow whose world falls apart and as a result gets pulled into an arrangement with a man named Wednesday who needs a bodyguard and errand boy. Soon Shadow is exposed to a world just hidden beneath our own, and discovers what happened to the gods of old when they were brought to America by their believers.
I really enjoyed this tale, and what really set it apart were the characters. I really identified with the main character. He's a shadow of my own personality if you'll pardon the pun. Holding things in is a talent of mine.
There are a ton of brilliant characters in this book, and an America that you didn't even know was there. I have this urge to go on a road trip and see some of these places that I never even knew existed...and see if reality is just a little thinner there.
Read this.
I finally got to see The Hunger Games today.
Having read all of the books I had my reservations about some of the casting and the fact that it was PG13. The books were rather violent and disturbing, and a bit much for young kids. Hell, some of it was hard for me to read at times. I was surprised to see kids in the theater that couldn't have been more than 9 or 10.
Well, the movie itself was very good. There are always things you want in a movie that were in the book. It's probably a different small something for everyone. You add all of them up and you can't really fit all of them, so you live with what they give you.
All in all it was a very good translation. There are always concerns about casting, we all see these characters in our own way, but I never felt anyone was out of place. Yeah, Peeta could be taller. I'll take a good actor over a perfect image though, and they have one there. And he'll need to be to carry the next two films. Yeah, Katniss is important, but Katniss is simple. Peeta carries the emotions and heart of the books. The next two don't work without him.
Even Lenny Kravitz didn't bother me. I always saw Cinna as more of an Adrien Brody, but he did Cinna justice. I was worried I'd be sitting there thinking, "Hey, it's Lenny Kravitz." but I didn't.
I went with my sister and it was interesting to see it through the eyes of someone that hadn't read the books. Those eyes were tear filled the entire movie. I'd forgotten how emotional and just dark the story is. I remembered the tears I had reading it...and was prepared for those moments.
So I was happy with The Hunger Games. They did it justice. My only real problem was the goddam shaky camera. I hate it. I hate it in any movie that isn't Cloverfield. You are making a movie. I want to see the movie. I don't want this pathetic attempt to create...fuck, I don't even know what they're trying to create with it. It is annoying. It is bad film making. It is not neat, or interesting or anything but annoying as hell. Stop it.
I can't wait for the sequel. They have the money now...the freedom. It should be epic.
Perfect remedy for a cold, wet, dreary evening:
Only a few things could have made it better.
We didn't quite get the snow we were supposed to today, but it was still rather miserable out. It has been raining for four straight days now, and tomorrow looks no different.
It's a bit depressing. I was planning on buying a bicycle and to start getting out on the weekend. Exercise and fresh air. I may have to put it off for awhile as May is probably going to be very April in nature. Nothing but low 50's and rain.
I need to become a more outdoors person...and not just an outdoors on the patio at a bar drinking. There are things I want to see. I love the beauty of nature too much not to get my fingers into it more often.
I will draw tomorrow. I need to. It is bothering me too much. All I've done lately is my little postscripts (I need to make some of them into finished pieces soon), and not too many of them. If it wasn't for Draw Something on my phone I'd be drawing nothing.
I'll make it work. I owe some things to some people, and I owe it to myself to get past this block. Hopefully I'll have something new to put on my Deviant Art page tomorrow. Even if I don't finish anything, I'll do something. And not just add to the paper graveyard.
Everyone should watch It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia for an entire day to just feel better about themselves.
And to laugh. A lot.
It's supposed to snow tomorrow. It was almost 80 on Friday.
If those fucking Mayans were right, I got some serious shit to get done...fast.
I have been so lazy this weekend. I feel shame. And fatness. And full of pizza.
I'm a really good idea person, I just suck at the execution.
Religion is a trap. Gnaw your goddam legs off people.
I think we've run out of brilliant. I would think there has to be a limit. We're just rehashing the brilliant that came before, twisting it, putting a fresh coat of paint on and shoving it out there as something new.
Maybe we've just stopped evolving. They certainly are doing their best to prevent it from happening.
I like my childish things. I do not need them. That's the difference.
I like surprise sexy pictures on my phone.
I think naps keep us young.
I'm tired and kinda frustrated and in one of my weird places where I don't know what comes next. I get quiet when that happens. Rather strange things coming flying out of me rather than anything resembling normal. I turtle up and shout random nonsense out my turtle head poker outer hole.
It's probably not the best way to deal with things, but when you've dealt with things all by yourself for a long time the "best" is rarely an option.
At least three of my fingers serve no purpose whatsoever. Well, only two if I want to drink my drinks like a fancy person. And you bet your ass that I do!
Someone in some level of authority needs to lay down proper etiquette for the clipping of one's nails. Specifically that it should be done in the privacy of one's own domicile. I'd rather watch horribly ugly people copulate than have to hear that awful *snip* *pwang* of a nail being clipped and launched in random directions like the shrapnel of a dirty bomb filled with ball bearings.
If I keep running in circles how deep can I bury myself?
When you need something...something tangible...so badly...you can almost actually feel it with your mind. That tangible, that almost feeling it with your mind, it may be worse than nothing.
I think it's time to detach myself from any political party. I just have no use for them and there is no agenda I can get behind completely. I'm not even an independent. I'm just a quiet "dissent to everything" person.
Everything you say is wrong, even when it's right, because you're not saying it because it's right...it's because it's convenient.
It's so clear, makes so much sense, it's what you want...and you sit and wonder if it wants you back. Should you just take it? Should you hide from the possibility that you're wrong? It's one step and it's a long fall.
Don't read into me. I'm shallower than the inner city kiddie pool.
I want to be a snowflake melting in the sunshine.
I hope everyone had a nice weekend. Now get out of my head. It's fucking crowded...
It’s been awhile since I tried to fill up one of these barren fields of white.
It was a nice Sunday. Went for breakfast with the family and then had a quiet kind of do nothing rainy day on my hands. I cleaned, which I always end up enjoying while I’m doing it and pleased with myself afterwards for doing it, but I have to fight to get myself there. It’s kind of like working out in that way. Well, it’s exactly like working out in that way. I’ve been good about that though. I think in the next couple of weeks I’m going to buy myself a good bicycle and take a few hours out of the weekend to ride. Maybe take my camera with me.
One of the best parts of today is it was warm again so I could open the windows. I hate the winter for that. It stifles me…inside and out. And the world smelled wonderful today. It’s that smell that comes with the rain in the spring. It smells clean and it smells like life.
I’ve been reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman lately. He’s brilliant if you’ve never read anything of his. I try to read for at least an hour every night but I’ve been slacking this past week. It’s a terrific story so far. I’ve been in love with how he writes ever since I read my first Sandman comic. Issue 14, A Doll’s House part 5 I think. It was the serial killers convention and it was so utterly brilliant. There is an effortless beauty to the way he writes. I’ve never had a writer put such vibrant images in my head. I should start keeping a sketchpad by me when I read.
I also have been having a glass of red wine every evening for the past month or so. I am so utterly sophisticated barefoot in jogging pants and a t-shirt, sipping my wine and reading my book. Someone send me a smoking jacket and some cigars so I can just pelvic thrust my sophistication at people. And it’s healthy for me so I got that going for me. The wine that is, not the pelvic thrusting. Well, at least not by yourself.
My internet has been behaving badly lately. I think I’m switching to cable this week when I get a chance to call. The DSL has just become too unreliable and slow for what they charge. I’ve wanted to watch Serenity on Netflix all day and been completely stymied. I watched Fargo instead which ain’t so bad at all dontchaknow. I will be talking like that all week.
The Coen brothers are so fantastic. They make all those things we see as mundane or dull or embarrassing about being who we are, and make them beautiful and interesting. I try and do that myself when I’m just looking at the world around me. I just fail when I look in the mirror, but don’t we all?
I think Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is next up since Netflix still doesn’t work and I don’t want to read or draw just now. I wish I could draw. Another frustration at the moment in that it simply is not working for me. I just need the right face, or the right idea, and I’ll get back in the groove. It isn’t the first time my hands have rebelled. And yes, I do choose to go through my movies in alphabetical order as Fantasia was just before Fargo and I’ll be watching Forbidden Planet the next time I need a movie. I’m a little bit crazy & weird, but I don’t trust people that aren’t a little bit crazy and weird.
Am I done typing? I think I’m done typing. I need to get back to doing this every day. Never neglect your brain.
