My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we
>> were in bed.
>>
>> I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she
> answered.
>>
>> I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me
>> this time, simply saying "Yes."
>>
>> So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
>>
>> And that's when the fight started....
>> *********************************************************************
>>
>> I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?"
>>
>> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.
>>
>> "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
>>
>> So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?"
>>
>> And that's when the fight started....
>>
>> **********************************************************************
>>
>> Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch,
>> grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage.
>>
>> I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a
>> torrential downpour.
>>
>> The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned
>> on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
>>
>> I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into
> bed.
>>
>> I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and
>> whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.'
>>
>> My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband
>> is out fishing in that?'
>>
>> And then the fight started ...
>>
>> **********************************************************************
>>
>> A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.
>>
>> Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
>>
>> The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man
>> 'OMG That must be my husband!'
>>
>> So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the
> window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush
and to his car as fast as he could go.
>>
>> A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and
>> screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!'
>>
>> The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?'
>>
>> And then the fight started.....
>> **********************************************************************
>>
>> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.
>>
>> Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
>>
>> I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
> cream.
>>
>> And then the fight started....
>> **********************************************************************
>> A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
>>
>> She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, 'I feel
horrible; I look old, fat and ugly.
>>
>> I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
>>
>> The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
>>
>> And then the fight started.....
>> **********************************************************************
>> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my
>> order first.
>>
>> "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please."
>>
>> He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?""
>>
>> Nah, she can order for herself."
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> **********************************************************************
>> My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I
>> kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a
>> nearby table.
>>
>> My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
>>
>> 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to
>> drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she
>> hasn't been sober since.'
>>
>> 'My God!' said my wife, 'who would think a person could go on
>> celebrating that long?'
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> **********************************************************************
>> After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for
>> Social Security.
>>
>> The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to
>> verify my age.
>>
>> I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home.
>>
>> I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home
>> and come back later.
>>
>> The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt.' So I opened my shirt revealing
>> my curly silver hair.
>>
>> She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and
>> she processed my Social Security application.
>>
>> When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the
>> Social Security office.
>>
>> She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten
>> disability, too.'
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> **********************************************************************
>> When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace
>> expensive... so, I took her to a gas station.
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> **********************************************************************
>> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
>> anniversary.
>>
>> She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3
> seconds.
>>
>> I bought her a scale.
>>
>> And then the fight started...
>> **********************************************************************
>> My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.
>>
>> She asked, 'What's on TV?'
>>
>> I said, 'Dust.
>>
>> And then the fight started...