A tough choice for THE WINNER this year!!
And once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The
Darwins are awarded every year to the persons who died in the stupidest
manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool. This year's
nominees
Nominee No. 1: (San Jose Mercury News): An unidentified man, using
a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield,
accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole
in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: ( Kalamazoo Gazette): James Burns, 34, (a
mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what
police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the
truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain
the source of a troubling noise. Burns clothes caught on something however
and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
Nominee No. 3: ( Hickory Daily Record): Ken Charles Barger, 47,
accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC . Awakening to
the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone
but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he
drew it to his ear.
Nominee No. 4: (UPI, Toronto): Police said a lawyer demonstrating
the safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a
pane with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police
spokesman said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the
strength of the building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy
previously had conducted demonstrations of window strength according to
police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day
Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and
brightest" (ed note: ????) members of the 200-man association.
Nominee No. 5: (The News of the Weird): Michael Anderson Godwin
made News of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting
South Carolina 's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his
sentence reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in
his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was
electrocuted.
Nominee No. 6: A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal
explosion in Dunkirk , IN. A Jay Countryman, using a cigarette lighter to
check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon
discharged in his face, sheriffs' investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died
in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30PM. Investigators said Pryor was
cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into the
barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7: (Reuters, Mississauga , Ontario ): A man cleaning
a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in his Toronto
suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was
standing on a wheelchair when the accident occurred, said Inspector Darcy
Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he
went over the balcony," Honer said.
Finally, THE WINNER!: (Arkansas Democrat Gazette):
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near
Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County Deputy
Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock ,
were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip. On an overcast
Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men
concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned
out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22
caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the
steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again
began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward
the White River Bridge . After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing
the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck
Poole in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the
pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and
abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair
the damage to his testicles which will never operate again as intended.
Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or
we might both be dead," stated Wallis.
I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but
this is a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how
this accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole 's wife) asked
how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.
Priorities, after all!
Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their
misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can
be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene
pool.
