So I was sittin here one day last week thinkin about the last few yrs of my life, and I've come to realize a few things. Most of it, is pretty obvious, but there were a few things I REALLY had to think about. What I've gained, what I've lost... WHO I've lost, people that have come and gone, and one or two who wont go away. I've finally come to accept the simple fact that when I make someone a priority in my life, I'm never more than their option. Someone to fall back on when their life falls to shit... their own lil pick me up, their "escape". And what I found odd, was how 4 women, who, as far as I know, have never met one another, all came up with the term "escape" when they would refer to what it felt like to them when we hung out, or spent time together, or "dated" or whatever. Is that the new term Cosmo is tellin women to use now? I know I'll have a hard time trustin anyone who claims they care or love me, especially after findin out the last one never meant it.
I know now who I can and cant trust when it comes to people/friends in my EVERYDAY life. People I talk to everyday, or every other day. And I know that, there only ONE person I can trust, no questions asked, with a possibility of a second person I'm fairly confident I can trust. People, who I would go outta my way to help or make/keep happy. Sure I have other friends I know I can trust, but those are friends I see randomly, once or twice a month.
There are friends I've lost directly, or indirectly, because of someone I had chosen to have in my life. I've even lost a job because of one person, but whatever, I'm over it. There are friends I've lost because they've jumped to conclusions over certain things, or people. And instead of askin me directly and gettin the facts, they chose to listen to gossip. Do I miss those people... of course. They were all really good to me, and one of them treated me WAY better than I deserved to be treated.
Theres the people who have passed away in the last few yrs that I do think about constantly, and what I've learned from them. Chet, or Cowboy, dependin on how you knew him, was an older friend (I think he was 63 or so when he passed) the kind of guy that would give the shirt off his back if you needed it. In all the years I knew him (or knew of him) I dont think I've ever seen him in an angry mood. I remember when me and the girl I was dating at the time broke up, I was sooooo pissed about it, and at her. I was fuming, I hated her. Chet pulled me to the side and said somethin to me along the lines of not to be so angry, remember why a person was in your life to begin with, the good times, and what you can take from knowin them. Lessons learned and what not.
There was Salvador. We would always talk about what is/was goin on in each others lives. He'd offer his advice and 9 outta 10 times he had really great advice. True, half the time I never took it, but he offered it. And I really miss that. Theres SOOOO much goin on in my life now that I need to talk about and I know he would have had the same great advice. I also know chances are I wouldnt have followed it, but at least I know he would have given it unbiased. He would always listen to the whole story, and if he felt you were wrong, he'd tell you. Even if the person was someone he didnt like if he felt they were right, he'd side with them. I have friends now who, if they didn't like the person I was havin the problem with would just say "Fuck her, she's a bitch" and not even listen to the whole story. I'm not always in the right (shockin, I know) so that was one of the things I truely appreciated from him, was he wasn't afraid to let me know when I was in the wrong.
I guess I'm sayin if people i.e. your "friends" cant accept you for you, and who your other friends are (your friends are an extention of you) is it even worth having them in your life? I know the answer to that should be pretty easy to know, but sometimes you just try to make too many people happy to use some common sense, and if some selfish person ever asks you to "wait for them" dont waste your time. If you were REALLY that important to them, they'd make the sacrifice and move on without the "closure" theyre waiting on
