Red's blog: "The holiday's over...."

Well well well…part four has come at last. After looking at the topics left to expand on, I have chosen the next one. Why should a woman go up to a man and put her hands on him and expect him to not return the favor? Before I start on this tangent let me get this clear so no one misunderstands me…. I DO NOT BELIEVE PEOPLE SHOULD RESORT TO VIOLENCE. WE SHOULD ALL KEEP OUR HANDS TO OURSELVES. Now with that being said, let me continue with my views here. Time after time I have had female acquaintances (I really can't call them friends) come up to me and tell me about how they got into a confrontation with their significant other and it came down to her getting so pissed off at what he was saying that she hit him. What blew my mind was the fact she would get mad when the man in any fashion put his hands on her. Even if it was just to restrain her and keep her from hitting him again. Now my question I put to them was, why should you expect him to not do something in return. The response is always "because I'm a woman. And men shouldn't put their hands on a woman." Well, if you want to be treated like a woman, freaking act like it. Don't touch him if you don't want to be touched in return. If you put yourself in a man's role (by hitting the man) don't be surprised or shocked) when he puts his hands on you. Logically here, if a woman hits a woman, then she rightfully expects to be hit back. A "cat fight" usually is the results of that action. So why does it change just because the person you hit has outdoor plumbing instead of indoor (sue me…it's late and I was trying to figure out a tactful way to put it without getting overly blunt as is my nature. Now you see why I stay blunt)? There is no reason. You are a person and as a person keep your hands to your freaking self unless you expect have unwanted physical contact made with you. If you can't be in a confrontation and keep it verbal and you make transition to physical violence then you've lost the argument. Use the gray matter between your ears and express yourself verbally. I'm tired of hearing the "I'm a woman and the guy is stronger than I am" bull. If you don't want unwanted physical contact then don't start it. If you're scared of him because he is so much "stronger" than you are, date someone that is not as big and strong. I've never been one to start a physical fight. I really have nothing to prove physically. It is much more a challenge to keep going on a mental level and spar with words vs. hands. Some will say, well you've never had a bad relationship but if you really want to hear the dirt about how bad of one I've been in please, by all means drop me a line and I'll tell you a little about it. That's not something I am gonna share in this blog at this time. It's not the point of the blog. Now I have to ask my question of the day. Why the hell can't people just keep their hands, feet, and all other body parts off other people when they are provoked (even if they were the original verbal provoker)? If you get that mad when you are verbally confronted with something ladies (and I'm using that term loosely), that you feel the need to lash out physically, walk away and cool off. Then come back to the verbal. If you don't and you inflict pain on him don't expect him to take it. Would you take it if someone else did it to you? No, you'd be quick to call the police. So next time you go to lash out on him, remember it is his right to call the police and have your butt put in jail. Wouldn't that look nice, a CDV or assault charge on your record? It's time you respect the men you are with and stop taking them for granted.

A few weeks ago I wrote part two…now it's time for part three. After much thought about what topic to breach next, I finally choice money as this one's topic. Today most women work. We are making our own money, working hard for it like men do. Now why is it so many women still expect a man to pay for everything? Now doesn't a man work just as hard as a woman for their money? Stop expecting him to pay for everything. If he offers, say thank you and mean it. He works hard to make his money. He has his bills to pay and chooses to spend his hard earned money on you. Be grateful not stuck up. If he wants to wants to pay that's ok, but don't expect it. It's his choice to do so, but prepare yourself to pay your own way too. If you (ladies) make the plans for the date don't expect him to foot the bill. Using the same logic (or illogic depending on how one looks at it), when you are asked out by a guy, then expecting him to pay, wouldn't the same rules apply in reverse? You asked him out, you pay for the night. You asked him out, you pay for the night? Yes, turnabout is fair play. Yes, dutch is also acceptable for either party asking the other out. That's working out details and coming prepared for dutch is something you should do anyway. Now ladies why is it we work hard in school, go on to college (sometimes tech schools or not even but straight) into the work force, climbing the corporate ladder and many women still won't date a man that makes less than they do? I can' only conclude that the mind-set is these women still want the man to take care of them. Do you realize how many potentially good men you are letting pass by because of money? The best thing that could happen to you has just been lost to another because you are most concerned with the size of his bank account than how good he can be to you. Perhaps when you stop looking at the men's bank accounts, and expect them to pay for everything and take the reasonability on yourself to get your bills met, to get you the things you want, and to make yourself happy. Now look at the men that ask you out (or you are interested in to ask out), and see what kind of person they are, who they are, and see if that is someone that you would like to spend the time and effort to get to know. Then, just then you might find that "good guy" that is meant for you.

Alright, I know I was slack taking so long to write my next roll of tangent to this topic, but for those that read these and are/were looking forward to it…good things come to those who wait. And here is your warning or wish…there will be more parts to come. This one is on the topics of Sexual Harassment and dressing as a woman in the work place. Hope you enjoy! The majority of my true friends are male. The people that I am closest to are male. I end up spending more time with male friends than female friends. No, it’s not that I’m trying to get in their pants nor are they trying to get into my pants (skirt, or dress). It’s simple the reason why I prefer them to females. Less freaking drama!!! I have more to talk to them about. Though there are times that we all talk out of the other’s interest levels so I feel like a monkey given a math problem. The conversations then do have a depth to them that most females can’t seem to get past or even to. The guys aren’t so caught up with the latest fashions, make up, hair styles, celebrity B.S. or other things that really don’t mater in the scales of life. Now, before women get their panties in a bunch, I am not saying that all women are that way. It just so happens that I tend to find more women to be on the shallow side of conversations verses men. Yeah, men do have shallow conversations as well. But I tend to fall more into line with their conversations than women’s. I frankly don’t give a flying rat’s ass about the latest fads and tends. I wear what I want, when I want, how I want them. My interest lay more into sports, politics, and other topics that I won’t mention here. I just have more in common with the stereotypical “men’s” interest than the stereotypical “women’s” interest. Now it comes down to fashion, for once I am going to put my two cents in here. With the way we have become obsessed with sexual harassment it has come down to the point that you should be afraid to look at someone of the opposite sex. To even glance at them anymore has the consequences of having sexual harassment yelled at the top of someone’s lungs. Now ladies, if you don’t want a guy to look at you like a fine cut of beef, stop dressing to show off everything you have. You can dress sexy without dressing provocatively. Flatter your assets without showing them off. The wonder bra, while it is an interesting invention (though, I haven’t had a uses to wear one…personally I enjoy the minimizing bras), don’t go into the work place wearing one with a supper low shirt. If you do wear them, get over the fact that you are not taken serious. When a man is talking to you at work, expect him to be conversating with your breast and not you. If you are wearing a skirt that is so short it is barely covering your butt, except the wolf whistles, and remarks. Pants and skirts so tight you can see your panty line, expect the comments about what type of panties you wear, or commando styles. If you want to be taken serious, then dress serious. Wear clothes that properly fit. Look at men. They can look sexy in a well-tailored suit that accents his body and gives you a look at him, without giving anything truly away. Wear a skirt a little longer, pants that don’t show your camel toe, and shirts that are flattering any yet covering. While the comments shouldn’t happen, aren’t we in turn asking for it? When you were the provocative outfits out to clubs, bars, etc., aren’t you looking for the same reactions from the men? The same reaction that you frown on, and yell harassment at work about? The exact comments and leers that you want from the men at the bar you are telling the men at work they shouldn’t do? Well, why I do NOT condone sexual harassment on any means, I have been forced to ask myself, can you really expect the man to shut off his behavior just because we aren’t dressing properly? Perhaps the problem is in us. And then evaluate is what the man saying at work just a complement or is it really harassment? Have they passed a line that should NEVER be crossed or is it a complement? If it is a line that has been crossed that should be, then that should include going out on the town. If these are the same comments you want in a bar, evaluate your work clothes, and manor of wearing them.

Several decades ago the feminist movement happened. Now our founding movement members should be shocked and ashamed of some of the self proclaimed "feminist" out there today. The fight for equal rights was for just that. EQUAL rights for women to men. Double standers are starting to kill me. Now tell me why these same women that say they are feminist still expect the men to do certain things? You can't have your cake and eat it too. It's no wonder that men are confused about women. Personally, I am glad I am a hertosexual female, because females confuse the hell out of me. How are men supposed to know how to go about treating us when there are rules these women expect? Women that think it's ok to hit a man and then the man shouldn't stand up to her and fight back, really make me sick. Do you expect a woman not to hit back? Of course you do. It's a fight, and the moment your hand makes contact with her then it's on. Now, why should it be different if you hit a man? It's not. You put yourself in the aggressor's role; face the consequences of your actions. Don't expect a man to pay for everything. If he wants to pay for something, say thank you. But don't look at him to do it. Most of you women hold down jobs as well and the man. You should be able to support yourself. Just like he shouldn't constantly sponge off you, why should you sponge of him? If he pays for something, say thank you. And don't be bitchy about it, or assuming that he would do such. It's not his place to support you, it's a date. You're of age, support yourself. Also, don't expect the bar to be lowered if you are a woman. Get a grip. Being a feminist is being EQUAL to a man. If you want the job then you should do the same as the man, if not more. Sorry, we are still proving ourselves, and it's not something that you should be expected to have because you are a woman. If a woman gets a job over a man I want it to be because she is the better one for the job. Not because they need to have a quota of women working at a place so they lower their standers. Get over it…it's equal rights keep them equal. Man today is being more and more discriminated against than women. Women scream sexual harassment when a guy even looks at them wrong anymore but then look at what you are wearing ladies (and I have to use the term loosely for some). If you don't want to have guys staring at your cleavage, cover it up. Stop wearing shirts that come so low you are almost falling out, then to boot you put on a wonder bra. If you don't want a guy staring at your legs, put on a longer skirt and stop trying to show all your charms off. If you don't want a guy checking your ass out, wear looser pants instead of a pair that is almost painted on. If you can see your panty line, get the next size up. When a woman makes a lucid comment to a man and he takes offence to it then she makes a big deal about how he took it the wrong way and how he shouldn't be so sensitive. Personally, if he took offence to it, say I'm sorry, and try to make things right. Come on ladies, if the man made that statement to you, would you be offended? If so, don't say it to start with. Stop trying to play the victim all the freaking time. You wanted to play with the men, guess what, we got our wish. Now comes the really fun part. Taking it like a man. Don't let them walk over you but don't walk over them at the same time. If you start walking over them, then you are no better than they were to the women before the movement.

Well it's been less than two months since my father's death. To say I miss him is like calling the ocean a small stream. There is a void inside me that I am starting to wonder if it will consume me and take me to the blissful state of nothingness. So far no such luck. Today was a hard day for the family. The first holiday with daddy. The strangest things would break at least one of us down. Watching football, cooking dinner, eatting dinner, lauging at the memories that we shared and thinking about the wonderful times past. Reflecting back to things that we did, or things that need to be done realizing that the rock, the foundation of my family is gone. So the question was brought forth to me what are we to do? How do you move on? There was no easy answer. The world doesn't stop just because my own world is falling down. We rebuild the family and keep him in our hearts. Keep the thoughts that make us happy and do the things that we know he would love for us to do. One of the things that has bothered me the most is that it took my father's death to bring some of us together. While he was in ICU it brought my sister and I back together. Two years of not talking and he brough us back together. Then it took his death to bring my brother back to us. For the first time we are more like a family than ever. Catching up with each other, learning what the other has been up to, learning tragic things in the others life, hating we weren't there for each other, trying to make up for times past. Will that happen? Can that happen? Who knows? All I can do is hope and pray that we stick together this time. We all need each other now.