My thoughts linger on the impeding homeless condition I've waltzed into again.
And how I find myself unwilling to do anything about it.
I'm tired of starting from scratch.
In "good" news, I'm negotiating a gallery spot and I've got a lead on a magazine publisher here in town
what have I done about it?
Not much.
I'm exhausted, and I seem to just play video games and hide.
Maybe I just need to turn off my phone for a few days and unplug the internet... see where that takes us.
Maybe I just need a few days in the sack until the fog clears.
No, the truth is I don't need a vacation, or a trip, but I do need to escape
a windfall
a tide change
I need to do something other than kendo training and biking in circles
Like I'm training for a rematch...
I'm afraid to fail again.
I'm afraid to pay my bills.
The stress hurts too much when it all gets yanked out from under me
I know that I have to... and I know that I'm just delaying the innevitable on all fronts
bandaid on the dam
trapped in a cycle of denial.
I tend to do the grief cycle out of sequence
it doesn't really serve me, but its always fun for me when I become aware of it.
I've already been angry, I've already negotiated, I've already been depressed. Guess all that's left is acceptance of phase 2. Picking myself up
again.
and I just had a searing headache after that word.
