Tori FURL Married To Badass Demon's blog: "Sad Poems"

I hide to cry
because I have no where to call my own
and "happily ever after" is a land too far away,
just after once- upon- a- time; just this side of the rainbow

and no one really cares anyway

I hide to cry
because I know I will never leave this place
and dreams don't really come true
its just all make- believe

and it really doesn't matter

I hide to cry
because my weakness brings my tears
and I have no one to hold me close
no one here who loves me

and no one really cares anyway

I hide to cry
because I embarrass the moon
and she is my only friend
but she's too far away to hold my hand

and it really doesn't matter anyway

I hide to cry
because no one really cares anyway
and is this pain even real
it really doesn't matter

and no one really cares anyway

I hide to cry
because no one validates my pain
and no one really cares
so why should I

and it really doesn't matter anyway 

A star hits and fades
As love soon does in my heart
Another then another
I toss them aside
They go back to their computers and video games
I find that I'm always second to a machine
They buzz and whiz and swirl
They don't give the love that I do or can
I am still alone with that urge to kill the machine

Let it stop and have time for them to know me
And me know them
I am still here
All alone
No one to love
No one to love me the way that I love in return
Spend a lifetime to compete with a machine
Spend a lifetime with ones who don't love me

I think that I'd rather just be alone 

One word expresses the torment, the anger, confusion, and pain.
"Why? " I scream to the uncaring night. My emotions making me go insane.
"Why?" Again, I yell. The silence deafening, defeating, unknowing, uncaring.
I curl up in a ball alone and afraid, no one seeing, hearing, and much less caring.

The salty tears drip unchecked, following paths long remembered and known.
I try to deflect the blows of hurtful words that mar the soul but not the bone.
Blows not aimed intentionally yet hurt just the same.
I do not know when I have not felt the familiar pain.

What a relief it would be to be free!
To be excepted and liked just for being me.
Many may know of my troubles yet not so much as I,
And I know not the way to stop the tears that I perpetually cry. 

How do you walk away from someone you love
And take the road of friend;
Can you reroute the course you have taken
And start over once again?

I don't really want to let you go
But inside me I know I must;
The times we've loved . . . the times you've left
My heart says stay . . . but it's my mind I must trust.

We have shared so much together
Laughter . . . fun times . . . tears;
Yet sometimes we can't turn back time
We must walk away, and allow ourselves to heal.

I know one day you will be happy
And your soulmate you will find;
I know we each have one out there
Even if for now . . . only in our minds.

May life be gentle with you
May God's best come your way;
And on some quiet tomorrow
You will realize things were better this way. 

Pain... Tension... Fatigue...
Depression...
Anger, Aggression, Frustration.
All these unwanted sensations -
Burning, hurting, tearing.
My heart alone, cold and fearing.
Why won't you let me sleep, let me rest,
Let me forget
To eradicate, eliminate, destroy all my regrets?
These memories inside, swirling, twirling,
unwilling to reside in the corner of my mind.
Repeating, resisting, insisting -
Refusing to be denied its recognition
Of its position in my
Frustration, Confusion, Delusion.
Ah, to close my eyes and let time fly by,
Because there's so much to gain
By forgetting these dreams driving me insane.
Unfocused, unclear, out of control,
My world spinning, spinning, spinning,
My sanity flying through the door.
My reason, my logic, oh, it's tragic,
Like fine sands running through my hands,
I'm losing my mind. 

The empty ache of loneliness
A hollow emptiness
A desperate want
For their caress
To fill the void
Left by invisibility
Butterflies flutter
When you meet their gaze
Knees weaken, just for a second
As they brush past
Then light-headedness
When you smell their scent
Then later
In the quiet of the night
The empty void of want
Loins aching for them
Then hollow emptiness
The constant companion
The loneliness
Of unrequited love 

It's been a hard two weeks,
things are so different and i don't understand.
believing every word that you said, 
not listening to friends advise and words of caution.
never thinking that what he says,
it is all just empty promises and a lies.

but things can change and the feelings can too,
so i just hope that one day you become unglued.
i lie here all night just whispering your name,
thinking you might hear me, and fix all this pain.

when you love someone you have to let them go
it's going to be pain, it's going to hurt, 
this i know, 
but you just have to smile and give them the benefit of the doubt
because one night they will miss you and realize a mistake is made.

i've loved you since i met you, i always have and always will.
so when you tell me how you feel, to you, my heart, i will spill.
it's bundled up now and it's causing me grief.
but what's a girl supposed to do, just sit there and believe?

it was love at first site, and my feelings for you grew,
i knew that if i was with you, to nobody else could i be so true.
you made my heart flutter, you made my world spin,
the way you held me and touched my skin.

there's no person as unique and intriguing,
i found you to be perfect, amazing, and you make my knees weak.
so as i lie here in pain and wonder what i did so wrong,
i think to myself that i can do this, i can be strong.

but guys don't understand, it's not as easy as it seems,
because when i go to sleep at night, it's you whose in my dreams.
you made my life complete and turned my world upside down,
with you in my life, my face never had a frown.

girls emotions are strong, they don't draw a line,
and when you walked into my life, you wouldn't believe how you shined.
my heart was fluttered and my emotions went insane,
i knew that you were the guy who would never cause me pain (or so i thought)..

i fell in love with you, your voice, your touch,
i knew from the beginning that i would love you so much.
your smile brightened my day and your hugs were all that i felt,
with this my heart started to melt and the walls that i had built crumbled.

your sweet kisses and hugs made my day complete,
i loved you even more then before the previous heart beat.
you make my world shine and it glows when i'm down,
just because there's a person in my life like you, that i have found.

but all too soon a new love you found.
without a word or explanation, 
you pushed aside a girl so sweet, 
with a heart so broken...
and nothing other than shattered dreams and tears.. 

My wish is to close
just my eyes and
disappear from
this pain I have.

My wish is to go
and lay in in the
middle of a Field
and stare at the
stars looking down
at me just as tears
go down my face.

My wish is to be able
to smile like i used to
when i was little.

My wish is that my
baby would just hold
me and randomly told
me everything is going
to be OK...right before
he let go. 

I was the one who made that mistake and let you go thinking
That someone so special would come along, 
But then i found out you are that special someone for me, 
And now I suffer every night when you don't call, 
Or when your not online, or your with her. 
Even though you tell me you love me so much 
and your always their for me,
Well where are you now?
I know i made this mistake myself but then why dont we talk anymore?
Why am I always the one crying all alone with no one to 
Help or comfort...if you love me so much?*

*I feel the constant pain in my heart...i miss you so much...
I never thought a person could make me feel this way, 
I love you so much, but the hard part about all of this is do you love me? 
Or her? it's always going to come down to that Choice, 
So you should just disappoint me now, 
Because i know that is what your going to do, 
I've cried so many times without you their to comfort 
Me ive finally seen how cold hearted you really are, 
That is why i feel that constant pain in my heart*

*I miss you so much, I wish every night for one last kiss, 
One last talk, one last hug, and one last decision, 
So that maybe I could turn this all around, 
And make everything back up to you, 
And stop all of this pain that is hidden away inside of me, 
And most of all feel loved by the one person who I love the most, 
That is all i want to do for just one last time*

*The Good and The bad times, the depressed and the Happy, 
It alll goes around, life is full of good suprises and bad, 
Occupied by love and hate, 
Feelings go up and down as we all ride this rollar coaster we call Life, 
Sometimes a thril sometimes just plain shit,
But all together its something each 
And every one of us cherish and praise, 
So just remember its life deal with it*

*Staring out of my window, 
Thinking of all the good and the bad times we've gone through together,
And now I face the facts of going through even more all alone without
You here with me to enjoy or cope with whatever 
I have to go through in the future, 
Why did you leave me to face them all alone, 
I never thought you were that cold-hearted, 
But I guess when it comes right down to it, 
You just don't know what you want or who you care about*

*I always feel stranded when you don't call,
Or when your not online, why can't I just forget about you?
Why are you that important in my life?
I guess maybe when you were nice and
Actully cared about how 
I felt you must of gotten me hooked on you like a drug,
Was that your plan? And then to go out and find someone else 
And to leave me all alone and stranded, 
Feeling all the pain and misery while your out having the time of your life?*

*You may think I have forgotten all about you, and moved on, 
Is that the impression you get when I'm smiling or laughing?
Well if you do that is certainly not true, 
I can only manage a smile or a giggle but they don't mean anything, 
The only real way for me to truly be happy is to be with
You again and relive all of those good moments 
And to have all this pain in my heart be ridden of 
Me and to bring in all of the good memories to come,
To bad that its just a star that I'm just a little bit to short to reach*

*Someday will I find another someone 
That makes me feel as you made me feel?
Or maybe even better?
Maybe but as of right now I am stuck on you, 
I love you so much, All i want is to be with you again, 
In your arms and feel protected and loved once again, 
Why can't you be that special someone to me once again? 

Would you care if we quit talking
Would you care if I went walking
I need to know how you feel
So I know how to deal
I like it when your by my side
I hate it when you try to hide
All the cheating and the lies
Brings me one step closer to saying goodbye
I know the cheating is a fact
because I've caught you in the act
I wish I had more trust in you
but it's kinda hard when I busted you
Seems to me you wouldn't care
even if I wasn't there
I always wonder who your with
hoping it's not another chick
I'm not saying I don't believe you
it's just too many people have told me to leave you
But you are everything to me
which is why I want you me to always be
Believing you may be a mistake
but it's a risk I'm willing to take
I really love you, always know I do
and remember there will always be a me and you