Over 16,529,808 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
I guess its about that time... once again. You fuckin people out there have outdone yourselves in some shiny new effort to piss me off.
1.) Lady with a half pint of perfume on JUST to go to the grocery store. Bitch... No one in a grocery store standing in line to check out, ever wants to fuckin deal with the gaggle of bees and mosquitoes that lurk around you. Knock it off. A subtle fragrance goes a long way... just in case you have OCD and cant help but pump the bottle an odd or even number of times before setting it down, start off with a dryer sheet, just rub it around the neck and go from there. Step two, is shedding the frumpy trailor park queen Moo moo you got out of the blair catalog last spring. Get a clue.
2.)You whiny ass Non-smokers. I smoke. Fuck you. I can no longer smoke indoors cause of all of your tears and letters written, so now I'm forced to do it outside, 110 degree heat index or 4 foot of snow. So when I'm standing outside of a bar and you walk in and give me the look of disgust and that soggy cough, just remember, I'm only a few remarks away from sparta kickin one of you across a parking lot and into "cleaner" air. If you're soo concerned with secondary smoke, get a fuckin tent, and head for the woods motherfucker, cause the last time i checked.... cars and semis didnt spew candy covered rainbows and big rays of sunshine. If you put half the effort into "project green" or whatever it is hippies are into these days, that you put into disturbing tax paying smokers, we'd be living in a tofu fan's fantasy bio-dome by now.
3.)Needy ass attention hounds... You fuckin people make me sick. Who ever signed the contract to make it "ok" for you to complain about life's little twists and turns every chance you get via Facebook, Myspace, Twitter or out in public should be trounced to death by a stampede of heavy women on the way to the newest buffets grand opening. Life has trials. If you haven't noticed that by now, then I suggest you head on down to 17th and Nicholas and take a gander at some of those people who don't know where their next meal is coming from. Report back to your favorite social networking site immediately and post some witty quip on your status about THAT shit. A bad hair day is no reason to dumb down the rest of your friends list, posting pictures of how "gnarly" your morning locks are situated that particular morning. If you wake up and there is a fuckin rodent stuck in your quaff, I think thats picture and status worthy. Save the rest of the shit for bad afternoon television, I hear Tyra has an opening on her show.
4.)Socks + sandals = Fuckbag. Might I suggest you maim yourself in and about the genital region so you don't procreate, heaven forbid I have children some day and they ever have to interact with your offspring.
P.S. I'm serious about the rodent in the hair thing.... if it happens to you, I wanna see.
