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iLLSpecimen's blog: "Venting.... Like woa."

created on 05/17/2011  |  http://fubar.com/venting-like-woa/b341145  |  2 followers

The average mind will answer this question in their feeble cells as "he's bladder shy".... congrats!! You have just identified the design flaw in urinals in a simple statement. As most men are bladder shy, including myself, depending on how many I've consumed in a particular evening, the design is all fucked up period.

No matter the size of the divider between urinals, you always feel as tho you should be exchanging personal information as done in a fender bender. "Should we call the cops to evaluate damage?" "No, I'm afraid not. It was just your penis on my wrist due to the confinement of our relief stations." "Though it would be grand of you to grab a paper towel and get the bit of dribble you shook onto my chucks."
Too close for comfort doesn't begin to describe much of this situation if any at all.... to add insult to claustorphobic injury, we have THEE closed quarters "random bits of conversation".

"Hey man, did you see that chick with the boob shirt on???? god damn!! she got me goin!!" "Really? You don't say?" (wish he hadn't) So now this gentleman is discussing his turn ons with me, in close prox....while holding his better fraction. Not only am I still trying to pep talk the dark side of the urinary force out of me at this point, but i'm growing pretty damn intolerant. If I only had a cartoon word bubble above my head right about now. It would've have read only in symbol anyhow which would've gone over horribly with drunken urinal company. conversation continues.. onto more shit i couldn't care less about, sports, weather, the band playing, basically anything vocalized by anyone. Get the fuck away from me and let me drain it dude.

SOME...not all may have encountered this... AND ALL MEN have THIS... the mid piss flatus. Where all productivity as far as taking a piss goes STOPS and the urgent message from below interrupts. Try this shit whilst standing next to me at a urinal and I will brain your fuckin ass. At no point is it acceptable to push a warm blanket of air directly onto your urinal neighbor. Fuck all if i signed up for recycled lunch sniffage while IM at a bar tryin to buy my way into the chick with the "boob shirts" underoos, drink after drink. We smoke outside now... you can also drop your ass tones out there as well.

Not that this is by any means an "excuse" to do so.... but this may be the reason why some men don't wash their hands before leaving the room. Ask him if it was an odd urinal neighbor rather than assuming he's a dirtball.

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