Ok, so things have taken a right angle turn since my blog entry earlier anbout moving on. I decided I'd go and try meditation. I've tried it in the past with mixed results, but today for some reason it seemed really appropriate. So I turned everything off, stripped naked (don't ask me why, it just felt right for some reason) and sat in the center of my bed with my legs crossed and arms draped outstretched across my knees. I closed my eyes and almost imediately felt the world just go away, a very welcome feeling. All the thoughts that had been spinning in my head just fell silent un till all I heard or felt was the steady beat of my heart. This lasted for about 20 minutes, and then I had the urge to just get up and go walking.
So I got dressed (no intension of going for a walk through the city naked) and just walked. I took a route I'd taken dozens of times in the past, but today it felt different. My perspective had changed, I guess. I was seeing the beauty in the things around me in a way I hadn't before, at least not consciously. I could barely contain the big stupid smile that wanted to break out on my face from time to time. I even watched the sunset over the trees, which was really cool tonight.
I don't really understand everything that has happened in the past few hours, as I'm still processing it all. I did come to one realization today, though. If home is where the heart is, then I must leave this place someday. This may have once been it, but no longer. Where that place may be, I don't know, but this isn't it anymore. This has become the place that is comfortable, but comfortable can slowly kill you in time if you choose to live without growing and loving and "living".
