Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it
So I said "Implants?" She hit me.
How come we choose from just two people to run for
president and 50 for Miss America?
I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose-fitting clothing. If I HAD any loose-fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!
Don't argue with an idiot; people watching may not be able
to tell the difference.
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunky dunk."
Why is it that our children can't read a Bible in school, but they can in prison?
Wouldn't it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press 'Ctrl Alt Delete' and start all over? AMEN, AMEN !!
Why do I have to swear on the Bible in court when the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed in a federal building?
Wouldn't you know it...
Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FATcells live forever.
Bumper sticker of the year:
"If you can read this, thank a teacher -and, since it's in English, thank a soldier !!"
