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Maxine's slide down the Banister of Life Photobucket As You Slide Down the Banister of Life, Remember: 1. Jim Baker and Jimmy Swaggert have written An impressive new book. It's called ..... "Ministers Do More Than Lay People" 2. Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink And be Mary 3. The difference between the Pope and Your boss, the Pope only expects you To kiss his ring. 4. My mind works like lightning, One brilliant Flash and it is gone. 5. The only time the world beats a path to Your door is if you're in the bathroom. 6. I hate sex in the movies. Tried it once. The seat folded up, the drink spilled and That ice, well, it really chilled the mood. 7. It used to be only death and taxes Were inevitable Now, of course, there's Shipping and handling, too. 8.. A husband is someone who, after taking The trash out, gives the impression that He just cleaned the whole house. 9. My next house will have no kitchen - just Vending machines and a large trash can. 10. A blonde said, "I was worried that my Mechanic might try to rip me off. I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn signal fluid." 11. Definition of a teenager? God's punishment...for enjoying sex. 12 As you slide down the banister of life, may The splinters never point the wrong way! ;)

lol... When talking to different folks on FU, sometimes it has come up in the conversations where I am asked, "How many FU bucks do you have?" Of course, I am a bit standoffish when I hear this question, because I am wondering if someone is only going to like me if only I have a potful of FUbucks or ditch me like all get out if I don't. But, curiosity gets the better of me sometimes and I wonder if my bank is about par in comparison to others. Right now, I only have about 407k for my FuBucks and over a 1m in my FuPoints. Some have gobs more and I am not sure how they are getting sooo very many, and others hardly have any. Are they squirreling away their FUBucks and FUPoints so that noone shares in their wealth?? Are they just, in another words, just takers??? Of course, the more often you are on Fu, the more opportunities you have to increase your FuBucks and FuPoints. However, I am on quite often and still don't have anything in comparison. Makes one think what in the world do those people with gobs of FuBucks or FuPoints do for a living or are they independently wealthy -- or are they all on disabilities -- or are becoming bums as they are swept into the addiction to FU???? I have no clue; do you???? At any rate, I do know that I give a lot to folks which has a tendency to deplete the FuBucks. Just don't know how to counterbalance that depletion so that it doesn't go too low. I have been on FU for about a year and a half. I have spent wisely on the most part and never have had to declare bankruptcy. But has anybody declared FUbankruptcy??? You hear of FU marriages and divorces.... I have as of yet heard of a FU bankruptcy, but that might be why there are so many closed accounts??? Who knows???? Just being a bit silly tonight.....and thought I would share with you something on my FUmind... lol... Any FU thoughts???? Perhaps, I can find a FU penny somewhere for your FU thoughts??? LOL...
as he (Moobaby) keeps heading to my blue ethernet cable to chew on it. I keep shooing him away from it, but he keeps returning to it... What is wrong with my cat??? K
(Sent via email by a friend enjoying her 2 week vacation!) Enjoy These - I Did :) 1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can and quickly. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an "eggnog-aholic" or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas. 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand-alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello??? 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again. 8. Same for pies. Apple, pumpkin and mincemeat -- have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories , but avoid it at all costs. I mean, have some standards. 10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body. But rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO what a ride!" Happy Holidays!
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobies are there. The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there's three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. In her fifties, they are like onions. "Onions", the son asks? "Yes, you see them and they make you cry." This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?" The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his twenties, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree." A Christmas tree?, the daughter asks. "Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are for decoration only." Love you too!! :)
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