Over 16,540,444 people are on fubar.
What are you waiting for?
Horror isn't all the monsters you see in your head.
There are no evil things hiding beneath your bed.
There are just people and the lives they have to lead.
Fighting each other for all that they think they need.
Not just gold and money but lust just all the same.
More so at the bottom than those atop the fame.
Give up your pride for that thing to get you through the days.
It's obvious to me that there aren't many other ways.
There's one reason that we see to stay after all the rest is gone.
One pretty memory in your dark mind still glowing bright as dawn.
Mine's a different color I think less so than the rest.
It's a little darker definitively not one of the best.
My charge is to beat the pain and spit at the sun.
Hide away in the dark and stay constantly on the run.
Not using my feet to carry me along, but a little rhyme or just a pretty song;
and had I known that it would be so long . . . just maybe my choices wouldn't have been so wrong.
Though, now that I understand I well know that it is much too late.
Once you've reached the halfway point there is no turning from this fate.
Desperation grabs hold of me and in it I know not;
that hiding in this hole all I'll ever do is rot.
So, why keep on fighting if it is so bleak?
I have explained my charge and do believe death is for the weak.
The strong ones aren't the big men that trudge along the path.
The strong are all of us who peacefully smile amidst the wrath.
Just simply smile as doom comes around to you to claim.
Focus on it's eyes but do not forget your given name.
The name you gave yourself without giving it to all.
That's the final sound that will echo when you finally fall.
Whatever lays beyond this place I could not know in life.
I know that the horror in this place is it's own hellious strife.
So, what rests at the end if you've done everything right?
One may never know so raise your fists to fight.
Never give an inch unless you're sure it's time.
Sing your little song and memorize your rhyme.
Repeat it in your head when the fright stares you in the eye.
Laugh the loudest each and every day before you come to die.
It's all the peace you'll get in this cursed and dismal place.
Make sure when you're laid cold that the lines deeply groove your face.
That will let the world know that you did all you could so well;
and that because of the peace you're finally free of this hell.
So, smile pretty for the masses and do not let it show.
Ball up all your pain and try your best to let it go.
It may never leave you, but this much I know to do . . .
Keep on moving on and to yourself let your smile be true.
I won't be beaten by this horrid place.
No matter what streaks my dirty face.
I won't be bent and I can't be broke.
At least not mentally because I'll just smoke.
This pain and panic rules me by the day.
I can't seem to find another real way.
It doesn't matter though in the end.
Because I'm made of nails my friend.
I piss rocks and razor blades.
I've lived through robbery and some raids.
I've kicked off once or twice before.
I end up back on this shitty shore.
Though in the end nothing else pales.
Because my friend I'm made of nails.
I am the beast that waits with hungry maw.
I am the needle still sticking in your paw.
I am the all the every waking little thought.
I am the absence of all you thought was not.
I can be the furnace that lights your little fire.
I am the gasoline that makes the flame grow higher.
I am the gnashing teeth that wait in the dark.
I am that feeling that makes you feel so stark.
Stand against the wind and shout into the black.
Go on turn around and show them all your back.
If you feel the stick do not fret or worry...
It is just me caught up in your flurry.
I will hold you up this time to the fateful fire.
I will send your message all along the wire.
I will let the words fill my gritty mouth.
I will show them all what it means to be from the south.
Grit again your teeth and swallow all the pain.
Stand almost naked in the cold and dreary rain.
Do not make a peep about what the feeling numbing...
For the pain again will come a runnin'.
A swirling mass of sheets and covers.
It picks my mind and eats my soul.
It creeps on inside and leaves a hole.
It makes you think that it's pure as gold.
On you it forms an unbreakable hold.
It saps your spirit and takes your mind.
It makes it so there's nothing else to find.
Dripping and seeping down over it all...
I wait for the big stop and stall.
It finally hits and I shift to stand.
I grip the razor blade in my hand.
Slice the tethers and jump away.
Turn around there's not a thing to say.
March away with each step in line.
Whistle and lie... You're doing fine.
Keep this damn pace until the end.
Turn back the page my only friend.
It's me and you we're all alone.
Me and my heart made of stone.
I'm desperate to do something, but what I do not know.
I keep walking... pressing into the driven snow.
Ice lent from a wonderland deep inside my head.
Certainly not natural the world around me dead.
I wonder if I wonder. I wonder if I don't.
If it's because I couldn't or simply because I won't.
I need a new melody to keep me feeling sane.
I need a new path to walk along this crazy lane.
Oh God give me a song to sing in this emptiness.
Let me be at peace inside despite being in this mess.
Words still confound me about what they really mean.
Words like cess that mean something altogether more unseen.
By themselves they mean one thing, and with others nothing but...
I wonder again if I can move on from living in this rut.
The chance that I can't leave is something still to fear.
The idea that I could forever still be trapped in here.
Trapped to me is a hell forever longing for the end.
Even if you share this space with a loving friend.
Instead I want an enemy stronger than myself.
One to pick it up and bash me with that huge ass shelf.
Splinter it to pieces across my tender face.
Split the skin like fire that burns it all like mace.
I want to see the broken pieces of my fragile skin.
I want to claw through piles of my solemn sin.
I'm here because I hate him and I can't forget.
Maybe because I won't kiss his ass instead I only spit.
I bite away strips inside of my blaspheming mouth.
With a bloody curdle I scream of going south.
I wrap myself in misery and speak of soft despair.
I fill the room with loneliness and stare from behind my hair.
In my mind I'm a horror that you don't want to test.
Though, in this reality I'm normal much like all the rest.
The only difference in me is my one true saving grace.
I can't see anything when in mirrors others see my face.
I just see the feeling staring through my eyes.
I can feel the hatred thinking of when this dies.
I feel a curl at the corner of my rotten lips.
Then a little twinge that moves down passed my hips.
It exits from my body and moves down into the ground.
It sniffs along the bloody trail like a determined hound.
Find the truth buried deep down away from me.
It's so solemnly buried there it's no wonder I couldn't see.
It's hidden here like a secret kept from us for all time.
The reason it's so sacred is a little more sublime.
It's not because it's special. It's not because it's here.
This hole is not special, but it lends us all it's fear.
The sacred is not knowing what will come of us.
So, keep on being quiet and do not make a fuss.
When the end draws near it won't be as you thought.
It won't matter how you struggled or how much that you fought...
Pushing through the obstacles will not win you points.
The pain that you feel all down through your joints...
they mean nothing more than that you were here.
Maybe that one notion is the only one that's dear...
Nothing will save you.
Staring down my isle I stand with a stop.
I feel the weight and then the sudden drop.
The sound hit me like a billion waves.
I saw the sign that said that she saves.
Nothing but another tender, calling lie.
Somberly Smiling at you while I sit and die.
Nothing but a tender smile to carry right on through.
Not a hundred but just one that scary thing you do...
You carry the long night oh so very right.
Just another sweat covered sullen night.
The depression follows just like a kid in tow.
It knows things you don't really want to know.
You'll find it here again inside the pleasant stench.
You'll find it here no matter which way you wrench.
No windows or holes for you to crawl away.
Just another day inside with me this dreadful way.
Find the words within you and learn to choke them out.
but while you say it tremble in that fearful, loving doubt...
Crawl around below and get so very still.
Can you still hear and do you care to feel?
Me? I hear the silence and the pain is back.
Time for you to go because my fate is back on track.
Right up to the end it dumps me on the floor.
I call out...
"Can this end or is there more?"
What I really want now and what I really get...
Is enough to send me into an endless fit.
Though I will not bow to the pressure upon me.
I will open my eyes and continue just to see...
All the things that matter and all the things that don't.
All the things I'd do to myself and the things other's won't.
I guess it's alright in the end because it couldn't be any other way.
To leave this world in peace with it and nothing left to say...
Is the only way to be in this era filled with terror and anonymity.
If I could be just like them all I wonder how different it would be.
It's a simple but enigmatic feeling that fills me up at times.
It helps me express the anguish in the endless rhymes.
It lets me sing the happiness and it lets me show the pain.
It is the outlet I need when the days aren't filled with rain.
If you could be just like me I wonder if you would.
If you could be you but see like me I wonder if you could.
Will it be enough for you and will it fulfill us all.
The next time you get that feeling will it be me you'll call?
Maybe it's a second coming of perception into me.
Is it fate to feel this way... I guess this time we shall see.
Again I say everything with a little more hope than of it lack.
I still think the nothing, though, will coming rushing back.
Maybe someday...
The rest is what they are to me.
They're not pretty but they're what I want to be.
I'm tired of dragging myself along at the back of the pack.
I tired of thinking leagues ahead of the simple human track.
What is that light? Is it something coming?
No it's the party with a standard war drumming.
They march on the weak to feed their breed.
They cut out every chance we have to be free.
By we I mean the sick, the sick like me.
By sick I mean the people who see like me.
Dripping faucets and shadowed ceilings hang above.
The bills, the pills... It's just a little shove.
Right?
Not like me it's a full force kick.
Another lousy day another righteous prick.
Stick in the air like smoke from a fire.
Do what you want. My mind stays higher.
Say what you will about faking this life.
At least I'm not faking a bunch of strife.
Call each other all day with new schemes and ploys.
Watch each manager play with all of their toys.
I have to ask after all that's been done.
Who's healthy here and who's the sick one?
Happy is what I used to be. I only barely understand the word. I can be happy in oblivion and happy in the now. What I keep asking myself is not the why, but how. Another little dullard day. Another one I didn't find the way. I slept in till noon then crawled down the slippery slope. I sat and looked at your picture in my head. I keep wondering if this is hell and I am only dead. I want to find that place within me. That one that doesn't seem as cold. I want to find the pieces in me... the pieces that don't seem so old.
I am happy now. I can see the crest break and it means something is still coming. I don't know if it's what I want, but it has to wash this away. I don't know that it will, but I know that it must. I can't stand the stink of the things piling up inside my room. All these greedy little creepers pawing on to spell my doom. When I say my I do not refer to me. When I say my I refer to the we.
The we that wait in silence for the coming sun. Those that have white knuckles clenched thinking of what they've done. They've let pieces go. Pieces that they needed. I don't know that I am the we, but I play pretend. I'll keep kicking and screaming straight up until the end. I am not a peaceful angel I am chaos born anew. Not the chaos that does nothing, but the one born blue. The one that sits and wonders why it is this way. The one that never blunders and always finds the words to say.
"I fucking hate this place and the people of. I can't stand to fucking reason why it gave me this and not someone that begged for it time and time again. It is the life you see and not the one you get... that has left me broken and throwing a little fit. If you want to join me it's your fucking choice. Just keep in mind I forgot to tell you so and now it's too late."
Broken little fragments still left in the dust. What was once strong as steel is now not but rust. We can keep on walking further, but I know it now. The end is never coming. So, I'll keep asking how. How do I keep going when going means without? How do I keep going in this endless drought. I need a little rainfall to wash away the stick. I need a little rainfall before this hell fully makes me sick. There might be a tiny piece that still knows it's name. There might be a tiny piece that wants to play the game. Though, it doesn't matter because the rest of me is done. Now all I'll have to do is turn my tail and run. I no longer belong inside this place that you all stay. So, I'll cut the safety rope and hope that in the darkness there's another way. I'll slowly drift from sight as I wade into it all. Keep looking straight ahead and counting to the fall
I feel like like a burned batch with inside still like dough.
I feel like I'm completed by being incomplete.
I feel like the loathing is just another treat.
I know there's one like me, but I hate myself.
I think that's the problem with me in the end.
I know where to look to find my only friend.
Twist off the top and finger down inside.
Lean your head back and feel the numbing fried.
It's like a crackle seeping down your spine.
Even when you're not here I know that you're mine.
I don't need a minute to gather myself up.
I don't need a new one to treat me like a pup.
I don't need the softness and I don't need the pain.
I just need the sun to go away and bring me back my rain.
I don't need the noise that's ringing in my ear.
I don't need you anywhere especially not here.
I think the further you're away from me the better off I am.
Yeah... Didn't believe it either? Well, it's my only sham.
