LSCMysterious Deceptive's blog: "Random"

I wanted to take the time and tell you all that I have not forgot about any of you.. My life has taken turns for the new year that well lets just say some have been good for the soul and others bad for the pocket.. So lately I have been sending most of my time on the site I administer so it has consumed alot of my time.. I have not forgotten about my Cherrytap friends that I appreciate dearly.. I still check in every now and then and your more then willing to send me a message I try to get to them as quick as I can.. Miss you guys.. Besos...

My heart is filled with so much love and yet its not yet corresponded.. I feel like everyone has a piece of my heart but yet its still not fullfilled.. I'm lost in my own thoughts and my own feelings.. Someone pinch me cause I think I'm dreaming.. The ones that I once had interset in have return and those that still have my interset are still here.. but then there is that one individual that wants me to stay near.. What do u do when your scared of what might come.. You just don't know if that is that special someone.. Do you go after the person that has interset in you more then you have interset in them or do you fullfill your fantasy's and let it all end there.. I know one thing is I don't want to grow old alone.. as time goes on I find it getting hard and hard to hold on.. My life has never been perfect and has been filled with shattered dreams. As this point iono what to do but run with my head between my knees.. Scared is a cat from a dog is what I feel.. Lost in my own emotions is just such an awful site.. I just want to get on a flight.and never look back at the light.

As time passes by the wounds heal.. You tend to find who is true and always there.. friends never walk they always stay.. You can even play with them each and everyday.. Nothing is taken to heart cause its all in good faith.. But what happens when you friends turn and walk away.. Its like they change and your still wondering what did I say.. When you ask if there ok they ask y and you say cause you been distance in so many ways.. Makes you wonder where they ever true are they still your friend or is this something new... So you let it go and walk away.. Hoping that they will understand that no matter what you will be here each and everyday.. All they have to do is reach out and grab my hand.. I will be there in every stand.. we will walk the paths of darkness and in lite no matter how hard is the flight.. You will always have a friend in me so please don't block me allow me to continue to see..

Do u think Men and women would be friends if sex was not involved?? If yes state why if not then state how come..

I write this blog cause I'm hellfied pissed off.. I do not understand why some men can not except no for an answer.. Wondering why u have not called.. Wondering why they never got an invitation to spend the night.. Jealous of the next man thats not even in site.. Calls you and trys to be all nice then turns around and throws darts.. Am I suppose to be impressed or disrespect the next man for your stupidity.. Ask if you can get a peice of me.. Shaking my head at all this nonsense.. Some men need a lesson in tactful technics or just lessons in how to a treat a lady with respect and diginity.. This is me just sounding off my most utter regret.

One day I know where I stand with you the next I don’t.. I thought we were friends and that was the just of it.. I did not really think you had any other interest.. My wall is up high when it comes to you afraid to let you in completely. I’m afraid you might diminish me.. But you say so many sweet things that has me confused and delirious.. It might just be flattery or it might come from the heart.. I'm not sure beyond a reasonable doubt. Can you please make up your mind if you want me or not?? We still have yet to meet and when we do we shall see. If this was even meant to be.. Your like my sunshine after the rain.. then there are times where I want to scream and cry cause I’m not by your side.. Or I don’t know where I stand with you.. Why are all these emotions are all confused instead of clear as day.. Sometimes I think your playing games.. One day you let me in and show me your softer side.. That’s when I tend to sigh.. Why is this so hard to see do you even care for me? Let me see things clear and open your heart my dear.. Tell what you feel right now even though we have not met yet.. I need to know if there is any chance of dreams coming true.. Cause all I know is I want you.. Disclaimer please do not take this personal

Its amazing when you have a bad day how many individuals come swaying your way.. To florish you with assistance and laughter.. Even to provided an open ear.. Its just so nice to see those individuals that are on my friends list are truely so dear.. There not there to look cute or take up space but to actually be a sounding ear. I appreciate you for being there when I needed some uplifting and some positivity.. For making me laugh and gleam.. It was nice to see so many in your corner at one time.. God has definitely blessed me this year with the gift of Friendship that will last years.

Life I as simple as 1 2 3 then why all these men want to play games on me.. I can see through the bs and flattery .. so be a man and be honest please.. I lay in my bed and these thoughts come to mind so I up writing them and trying not to sigh.. my soul just become darken and anger begins to feed.. Why does the mind play tricks on me.. I have been pushed to the dark side of no return.. See things pass me by as I grow old.. learn to see through the black clouds to find a shining light that shows it all not in site.. Things are as simple as black and white as long as you open your eyes you will see it without a doubt.. laying in my bed tossing about.. If this has what become of my life full of sleepless nights.. I turn my soul away from the devil cause he will never have the purity I see in me.. but yet these thoughts and feelings are beginning to consume me.. there darken and evil and full of rage.. There is no particular rhythm or reason it just me.. Isn’t life as simple as one two three..

Searching for love is not an easy task everyone makes promises that will never last.. There are those that know what love is and then there are those that confuse it with lust.. For I have experience both first hand and there both deadly to the heart.. I open my heart and find my self open to fail once more and I’m not even there.. What to do what to do.. Do I take that chance and deal with the feeling of rejection later but knowing once again I find another friend for life.. or should I just let it go and leave well enough alone.. These are the things that contemplate my mind.. Sometimes I just want to cry.. In these past two years god has put two men in my path that have gain a huge part of my heart but yet one of them has already become my friend for life.. the other is on the same path.. Emotions are soaring and my body is calling.. I want to feel his touch in an intimate manner.. I want to know what it feels like to be cuddled and feel some kind of emotion that I have never felt before.. I know that this might be wrong and I can’t look back once more.. but god help me as this is not lust that I feel nor is it love it’s the desire to be comforted and felt like a queen... Am I wrong for what I feel its so strong that I feel its wrong.. I don’t know you and you do not know me and its destine to fail.. As I see it in my eyes.. but I look into his eyes and I find my self memorized.. He is so not my type for the second time in my life.. I feel like I have struck a different light.. Oh boy all aboard what a flight.

I sit here and contemplate all the pain that my heartaches.. I have millions of friends that last to no end. But not the food for the heart to let it last to all ends part.. The longer I wait the more it seems it will never be.. So I ask will there ever be that one that compliments me. My eyes see the light that shines through thy eyes.. See the pain that you hide in side.. Wondering why would someone suffer so much but yet as so much love under that tender touch.. To hide the pain is to live in abyss that makes you be looked by and missed.. Look in your eyes and your heart and you will see that the one before you is the one that holds the key.. If you walk by and not take a second look you will just keep reading that same old novel or book..