LSCMysterious Deceptive's blog: "My Vision"

Why in life there is so much uncertainty and individuals can not make up there mind so there clear to see.. Every answer is a question and every question has no answer.. Is this the way to walk through life with doubts and what ifs.. What the hell is this?? Relationships is a game of give and take.. But in order to establish a relationship you need friendships and trust.. Do you have more then one friend? of course.. But to what extent?? When do you draw the line of who is just a friend or an option for something so much more.. How many times do you allow opportunities walk out the door?? This is my dilemma that I portray.. Why does life have to be this way?? Any answers??

There is light in you that no one sees.. Because its been shattered and hidden by misery.. They state that misery does not ajoined well with company.. but when look you will see that individual that brings out the light that you no longer see.. I have been there and live there in the darkest part of my soul trying to take away the one thing that I hold.. I held my life in my hands and wondered the streets lost and confused hoping and wishing that my life would end here.. Still to this day I sometimes say lord please take me far far away.. My heart is scorned and bursied and can’t take no more.. I have been through the paths of hell one to many times.. I wonder sometimes when I’m going to die.. I even felt at times that there was no one to love me cause I live in misery.. Depression is a bitch and can kill you softly.. can have you in tears that never disappear.. It makes you feel like your useless.. If you have ever walked a path in the shadow of darkness you know it’s a lonely place.. You don’t want to be bother nor played with.. Love is a killer cause the only way you can love is with you heart to love is to give your body and soul and once you do that the rest is unknown.. Once that individual has you completely and then walks away to leave you a stray you find you self completely lost in a total disarray suffering depression now isn’t that a bitch..

Always there to pick up the peices where everyone else fails.. To maintain and support a family or four or is it more.. Sometimes you lose track when the world feels like its falling apart.. trying to make sure things are done and everyone is taken care of.. you look around and wonder why is everyone standing there when its all done.. Why did you not pick up your part or give me a shove or aleast alittle bit of support.. The strong are the ones that survive to strive and maintain all that they can.. the weak give up and expect for someone to pick them up.. Looks around and wonders why do I have to be the strong one..

I woke this morning feel like million bucks but time it was 10 am all those feelings began to drain.. I starting to feel tears in my eyes and pain in my soul once again back to feeling all alone.. I look around and see things around me that make me smile and make me gleam.. but when I look in side I see a pain a feeling of emptiness that just will not pass me by.. I have fallen into an abyss of trusting no one.. To living my life alone with out that special someone.. I almost did something I thought I would never do but then again what else was there to do.. No one wants a relationship they want a fuck a lay or something to pass the time away.. I my self at times don't want the headache and aggravation of having someone.. but what do you do when you feel such a void do you sit there and cry or do you keep on walking with your head high.. Love is such a remarkable thing but it more then once almost killed me emotionally.. To give your all and be left with an empty heart or to be casted stones until it bleeds is that wat love means.. Shakes my head in disgrace.. God is the one that put us on this earth.. It was his love and affection that gaves us birth.. so why can't we love with the same compasion as he did instead of hating, decieving and miss using someone and everything.. A broke soul

I continue to put myself out there and show there is more then just hate.. But at the same time I still can not penetrate why I am always so late.. I have true friends that I know that care. Then I have those that act like test me if you dare.. If you are a friend you're a friend for life.. Unless you're not willing to sacrifice. Its know fact that once all goes wrong.. You turn around and hurt the ones that been with you all along.. Is this is why love is so hard?? To find cause those that have been given it don't want it or just want to shy away from it. Or they just don't know how to embrace it.. So now it comes a time when you turn your back on those that seem to be the ones stabbing you like it's an everyday fact. So you walk toward the door with out looking back. My life has never been peaches and creams full of disappointments and a lot of dreams.. Dreams that I follow cause its food for my heart.. Even though I get like fifty darts. I embrace those around me and shield them from harm.. I caress and care for them so they feel warm.. So why is it when I fall in love all I get is a thorn or another armed wound to my heart? Oh lord help me but sooner or later I'm going to fall apart.

I sit here and contemplate all the pain that my heartaches.. I have millions of friends that last to no end. But not the food for the heart to let it las to all ends part.. The longer I wait the more it seems it will never be.. So I ask will there ever be that one that compliments me. My eyes see the light that shines through thy eyes.. See the pain that you hide in side.. Wondering why would someone suffer so much but yet as so much love under that tender touch.. To hide the pain is to live in abyss that makes you be looked by and missed.. Look in your eyes and your heart and you will see that the one before you is the one that holds the key.. If you walk by and not take a second look you will just keep reading that same old novel or book..

You stood there an said your rhymes told me your dreams and made me cry.. But then you turn and put me in with all the rest like I’m not the best.. So now I pull my self away like the rest before I end up being nothing more then second best.. Hold on too what nothing but shatter dreams and tales of the heart that nothing could separate us apart.. I hoped and dream that we would be more of a reality but now I see that was my stupidity.. Your lines are good your stories were true but there was really nothing to hold on too.. My heart told me otherwise and for that I’m ashamed to say I let it turn out this way.. But now I walk and turn my back on those dreams that are just made of fiction with no real modifications..

Living in this shatter life full of dreams that transpire with utter desire.. With no recourse and no remorse. As I sit by and sigh as the time goes by.. With my heart in my hands and the love in my heart that will be kept sacred till death do me apart.. With the trail and tribulations that life has made I have found my self in an utter scared state.. Wish I had the support of a loved one.. Miles away is where you stand with no way to hold me and tell me it’s all done.. When things change and tables turn which search for those who make us feel like we can conquer the world but even then when it’s all done were still missing that hug and kiss of a loved one..

I have to really take the time to think since I know all these feelings as if there my second life.. I will not give up without a fight.. with the struggles of my heart that seems to take flight.. I look around and trying to find that shining light.. but when I close my eyes at night I still see that darkness that falls with sight.. I wake up to another day wondering were I fail or where I went wrong.. That this seems like an everlasting song.. Asking my self why I can't have that love that I desire so much.. Thats burns in my heart like fire but yet it wasn't ment to start a fire.. So I fight the everylasting battle that has now become my life.

The pain in my heart was caused by betrayal. Betrayal of love or was it lust. It was caused by man who only loved himself. This is the worst love of all. Because you raise and you fall. You satisfy his every need and desire Hoping that you can hold on to the fire. The flame is dimming slowly. As you know that flame is dying You keep on flying. The higher you fly the less you can see. So now your blind and can't see a thing. But he is climbing to better sites with more heights. As you try to hold on he lets go and before you know it your all alone. Copyright ©2005 ALA --------------------------------------------------------------