LSCMysterious Deceptive's blog: "Special"

Why did you come here?? Why did you leave me alone?? Where did you go?? I standing here with tears wondering why your not near... I can't begining to comprehend when my life started to come to an end.. When I could feel but it the heart no longer healed.. Just got filled with holes that won't close.. I swear I wish sometimes by brother was still here he knew what to say or what to do.. Why am I still sitting here alone?? Does everyone have to go.. Why get close to just end up solo.. As I pounder these thoughts I cry as I have lost so many loved ones in the long run.. Either by death, by love lost or just stayed out of touch.. why does this happen where did you go why did you leave me all alone..

The game is something that is not to be taken lightly.. Everyone wants to play but not everyone can stand the heat.. Its a game of give and take or keeping your options open.. Also know as being the fall back person.. So here is alittle something I wrote in regards to this.. We met in the place where everything is game.. You take for what it is cause it really has no name.. You try not to get caught up in all the wonderful thoughts.. But dammit you fell and got caught up.. Now your sitting there waying your options to the left and then to the right.. You find yourself saying this shit just aint right.. So you decided not to play and remain that way.. Still thinking why does it always end up this way.. The game is hard to play if your to honest in everyway.. You put your heart in your hand and tell yourself that the person will understand.. To come to find out you leave your self open without a doubt.. So for 2007 I'm out.. for the taking.. I give my all and my attitude and that means screw you.. lmaooo

Lyrics Homemade Disco Ball! Trailer Explosion! Alone living in the disappointment Alone treating my heart I happen the days And I do not manage to start myself your love Alone looking which was my error Alone if there was I apologize to recover you Today it would be my big salvation I cannot forget To erase your memory I cannot extract you of my heart One has turned me I infer To live without your love I cannot believe that ours He has died I cannot keep on supporting the pain I boil away inside And I die weeping for your farewell Alone and my agenda me around Alone without course without direction I happen the days And I do not manage to start myself your love Alone looking which was my error Alone if there was I apologize to recover you Today it would be my big salvation I cannot forget To erase your memory I cannot extract you of my heart One has turned me I infer To live without your love I cannot believe that ours He has died I cannot keep on supporting the pain I boil away inside And I die weeping for your farewell Alone I feel and die Weeping for your farewell Alone I feel and die Weeping for your farewell (I cannot extract you of my heart I cannot live without your love) Alone I feel and die Weeping for your farewell (I can neither forget nor erase Your memory ... ohh nooo) I cannot forget To erase your memory I cannot extract you of my heart One has turned me I infer To live without your love I cannot believe that ours He has died I cannot keep on supporting the pain I boil away inside And I die weeping for your farewell Your farewell

Thes last todays have been remarkable for me... I'm laughing, smiling, dancing just some kind of utter joy.. Like stella got her groove back type shit... So I truly believe that this year is my year.. I have good and bad memories this year that I will keep and teasure.. I all for welcome the new year and everything it has in store for me good and bad... May you all have a blessed and safe new year.. Get fucked up but not to fucked up.. Love you all... Chula

Its a new day and a new light.. I must have slept maybe no more the two to three hours last night.. Waking up to a new day and a new light.. The light is back in my eyes and the heart is closed back to stone.. What a roller coaster that was to rise and fall like the light day.. To be happy to see another star shine so bright.. God has blessed me in so many ways.. Today I say New Beginings are near and the hell with this year.. The past is the past and the future is yet to come.. Who know what that might lead.. But hey don't you all feel me on that one.. May the new year bring more joy to my life as this one has been a struggle that almost consumed my life.. But now I open knew doors and see things in a different light that shines so bright.. Thank god for friends and loved ones.. Thank god for stupidity and ignorance for all of these things I have encountered which made me stronger.. May you all be blessed in the new year and protect your heart from those that try to destory it..

I cry tears of hate tears of pain tears for remorse.. Tears that keep falling down my face.. They don't stop my heartaches.. I can not function my life is a mess.. I have two unwanted guest.. Why do I make my life so complicated.. I hate the fact I can not control what I feel.. I give my everything and end up sheading tears.. Knowing that this will happen I do it over and over again.. Does the pain ever end.. I just want to rip my heart out and never feel again.. I'm numb internally.. Cry tears of hate and pain once more will this ever end..

With the pain that is in my heart as I try not to fall apart.. I once again made the mistake and started to love again.. What was I thinking that it will all work out that all that matters is what is in your heart.. Haaaa I say its all a mystery in so many ways.. Does everyone deserve to be loved?? Or is love like a precious dove.. Things come and things go and once you notice your all alone.. But this time its different and brought me to light.. That I will not longer put up fights.. I will resend and back away yet once again.. Love is no longer on its way.. It cause to much pain and misery.. Leaving me bleeding internally. For once I realize its time for me to stand alone and stay alone as no one can comperhend me until I grow old.. For over 10 years I have waited for that special someone.. But all I got was a bunch of dum ones.. Wasted 7 1/2 years of my life trying to hold on to what was the love of my life.. Haaa I say as he cheated on me day after day.. Was I an idiot to stay.. Then there was the next who thought that I was second best tried to take me for a ride but dammit I new that there was a chick on the side.. Held on for two years and he still broke my heart left me for her without even a doubt. Now I sit here and thinking to the present and see that those that did me wrong call me and want me when things tend to go wrong.. Haa now that all else fails now I'm good enough to cheer you on.. I was your women you where my life and all you did was take me for the flight of my life. I will never be taken for a fool once more.. If this is what you wish for well let me help you and show you the door.. Some might think I'm bitter some think I'm great but I just made honest mistakes.. My heart still suffers my eyes still cry.. My life is mine..

It has been on hell of a year and christmas is very near to reflect on what we do have right in front of us.. We have all been blessed with one special gift and that is the gift of giving.. Everyday that we get up we are giving something back to someone weather its someone that we smiled back at.. A hug from a parent to a loved one.. A helping hand to a friend in the time of need.. Each one of us has been blessed in are own special way.. The new year is near and I have been blessed with some spectular new friends.. This year has made me strong as I have had my trails and tribulations with love, with friends and even financial ones.. but in this new year this will all end a new game plan is set in stone so it gives me the time I need to reflect.. I do want to say something special to a special someone thank you from coming into my life at almost at the end of the new year.. You have brought some light back into my life.. I hope that we will remain friends and continue to allow that friendship to grow.. I have the most upmost respect for you and in everything you do.. You have a loving heart that continues to grow protect it and cherish it and don't let it fall apart.. God bless all and have a wonderful christmas and a prosperous new year..