Windy, rainy, dreary day...
not very conclusive for a good day...
but very good for this hurting soul...
to sit on the windowseat...
arms wrapping around my legs
in effort to keep the chill away
and my forehead resting on the glass
eyes closed
just breath
and let it all come back.
A day to look back on my life...
everything wasn't always so bad then
i was happy for a long time
when i thought i could have it all
the man i adored...
and to be his wife.
it dawned on me that i could smile about those times
and not feel so shattered at there loss...
because that was early on in that part of my life..
i know i am stronger now
some days not by much, but i am stronger
because of my friends and family
and some very special men in my life
who don't tolerate anything else!
so as i sat there this afternoon...
with my child callin mommie, mommie!
and my forehead against the glass
i smiled....
beloved angel in my lap
kissing mommies tears
he nurtures me as much as i nurture him
i do believe
its not really so bad
my life that is
i am not as far as i should be
but i have come farther than most
I have to laugh at myself sometimes..
I feel so weak, and unlovable..
yet when i look back
and remember how harsh i was and can be still
to my son's father
when his behavior is worse then my son's...
i have to laugh...because i know what the signs are now....
I have learned my lesson...
and my mother named me aptly...
i am worthy of love!
