Ice Queen's blog: "Pros and Cons, Or just My Rants"

Isn't it funny how we love the one's that hurt us most? We keep them close and hold them dear. No matter, what they may do, we still want them. WHY?????

I have found myself in this place. Lost and confused. Turned around, because of mistakes I have made. Following what I thought was my heart. Only to find out that I was following a lie. A dream for something more is what lead me here. And here I am all alone and without the dream. My heart is hurt, and hiding inside me. Scarred and scared away from the thing's it feels it will never see. I am leaving this place. Somewhat better then I was before I came. Knowing I have gained friends, thing's I wanted and knowledge of what never to do again. As I work towards the goal of going home. I know I will make it, because there is nothing holding me back like before. One day maybe eventually that dream will find me. No matter how much I may doubt it. Wish me well as I find my path again. Not wanting to hurt anymore. Ready to let go of the thing's that have transpired. So I can find myself and my path. Needing life to balance. Not wanting to live life being F.I.N.E. Freaked out. Insecure. Neurotic. and Emotional. anymore. Desiring a stable place, amid the chaos that is my life. Finding my safe haven is what I want. Going towards the only place that has ever felt that way. And having something were I'm going, waiting for me to arrive is a plus. Here I go yet again into the unknown, with baited breath praying for the best. As I watch my dreams start coming true. I mean really how can it get any worse?

Daddy It Hurts! This Is a true story and If you don't pass this on you don't have a soul!!! My name is Chris I am three, My eyes are swollen I cannot see, I must be stupid I must be bad, What else could have made My daddy so mad? I wish I were better I wish I weren't ugly, Then maybe my mommy Would still want to hug me. I cant do a wrong I cant speak at all Or else I'm locked up All day long. When I'm awake I'm all alone The house is dark My folks aren't home When my mommy does come home I'll try and be nice, So maybe ill just get One whipping tonight. I just heard a car My daddy is back From Charil's bar I hear him curse My name is called I press myself Against the wall I try to hide From his evil eyes I'm so afraid now I'm starting to cry He finds me weeping Calls me ugly words, He says its my fault He suffers at work He slaps and hits me And yells at me more, I finally get free And run to the door Hes already locked it And I start to bawl, He takes me and throws me Against the hard wall I fall to the floor With my bones nearly broken, And my daddy continues With more bad words spoken, "I'm sorry!", I scream But its now much to late His face has been twisted Into a unimaginable shape The hurt and the pain Again and again O please God, have mercy! O please let it end! And he finally stops And heads for the door While I lay there motionless Sprawled on the floor My name is Chris I am three, Tonight my daddy Murdered me And you can help Sickens me to the soul, And if you read this And don't pass it on I pray for your forgiveness Because you would have to be One heartless person To not be effected By this Poem And because U R effected, Do something about it! So all I ask you to do Is pass this on! IF YOU ARE AGAINST CHILD ABUSE! PLEASE COPY AND PASTE THIS AND PASS IT ON !! REPOST THIS AS "daddy it hurts

I want to say thanks to all those people who sent me gift's today. And showed me love. Thanks for all the birthday wishes and the votes on my mum. I also greatly appreciate all of those people who so desperately tired to make me feel better. And you know who you are. But some thing's are just meant to happen. Thanks again for all the love.

Please help me to understand. Why it is that I can never find a man that can satisfy me? I mean sure I can always find men that satisfy part of me, and I have to find other people to satisfy the parts of men that a man can't. I can find men that satisfy me in bed, and I can find men that satisfy me mentally, But I can never seem to find a guy that can satisfy me all the way. I always feel like I'm cutting part of myself off to be with someone. I have to keep part of myself hidden, because the person I am with can't or won't accept everything their is to me. I mean I know I am a very strong minded, passionate, intellectual, open minded person. And I also know what I want and who I am. So why can't I find a satisfying relationship?