Ice Queen's blog: "Not Mine"

Those quiet days of Yore Where have those quiet days of yesterday gone? Lost in the shuffle and bustle of today.. I am caught in the crosswinds, blown far from known waters. Where is the eye of the hurricane? That quiet point where all is still..... Somewhere In the middle as I recall. Is that all? No there's more... A dull roar.... Clashing and crashing the walls come down.. I have no fear of the things others hold dear. Things that seem so important and so dire.. I care only because I desire to be gentle. As I shatter the Illusions they cling to like life itself.. Why do I discard what I have known so easily while others only let slip a little peice at a time? Because after being shattered one or twice it becomes simple.. Easier to let go of what one never had for long.... Fragile is what describes it best.... Such a word......to mean so much...apply to so many things and moments. Existence hangs on a thread.. Troubled hearts are a luxury afforded to the safe and secure. Those confident they have a tomorrow. I am so alone in my vision, the way I see things beneath all the structures that make up a shared world. My world is simple, My world is Now... My world Lies inside a perfect spere, a timeless place where I feel.... Where the waters flow ever deeper and stronger... Taking me to some far off place I have never been.. Again.......... When movement is all one has ever known.... Change is easy.....easier..... It takes roots to have them pulled up.... Rootless, landless,, houseless but not Homeless... They call us Gypsies, nomads and transients... In an old Tongue it was called Wandejahr........ WanderLust..... Yes, Lust to watch the world go by.... To see the trees and signposts of this place fade into the distance..... To see the far Horizon grow slowly closer and reveal itself to us like a New Lover undressing...... Eyes ever seeking that new land .... Delta.. I embrace thee.... Come, My friend, I surrender to your wisdom... Take Me, Do with me what you will..... Awaken me to Glory unknown..... The sunrise fresh through the forest...... and a stream speaking to me alone at Dawn.... and a Road untraveled.... Awaits me.... I am ready.... Come to me Now..... S.M.Helios~Sunchaser F.W.P. Not written by me but branded on my heart....

The hurt. I can't explain this feeling. This aching, and pain. I know why it's happening. I know what has done this. Losing you, my heart is broken. I can't explain the agony my heart has right now. I want to let it out. I want you to know what you meant to me. What a real friend is. And that was you, to me. I have died inside a little more each passing day. trying to take it in, to understand. But nothing eases the pain I have. tears pouring, feelings, memories. All jumbled, all strong. it's this pit of hurt. pit of pain. The hurt. It hurts. You would have been the one to take it away. but now I cry for you. Not in your arms. or on your shoulder. But out loud, to you. In the night, when no ones around. Whispering to the dark. Looking at you, your pictures. So unreal to me that you are gone. But I feel and look in my heart. A little piece of me is gone. But I know where it is. The hurt, will fade. But my love wont. the hurt. this hurt. is love, only with tears. ~~~~~~~~~~~Paul Moye~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dream with me, for I am nothing more than that fading memory, You try so hard to keep, but over time and trial I lose my glorious beauty. The wonder of my being so real to you once so long ago. A memory so clear like glass. You thought you might never forget the moment. You thought that each color each smell would last in your senses forever. But alas, here I am faded and dull, as you strain to see me there. I am no longer the beautiful memory, but more a painful recollection. And you remember that you used to be able to see me clearly but yet can't recall what I was doing, or what happened. Your tears are sad to me, for I feel them too, why cant you see me and remember the moment we shared? For I am no longer with you. I can no longer make more memories. I must rely on the hope that somehow you remember my touch, eyes, skin, voice even smell. But here I watch you and I am faded. fading away, more each day, weeks pass and still I linger softly like a hazy shadow as you pull the thought from your mind. But I will not fade completely but just haze in and out. Less and less, I will come to you.... and only silently will I linger by you. Then the faded memory will softly appear for but a moment. And I will be clear to you. And in that moment your tears are dry. I am real I am there beside you, and for that moment, you will know. So dream with me, i am but a fading memory a lost moment, a happy blissful second of your life. A friend, As much as I fade away.... I will disappear..... ~~~~~~~Paul Moye~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I took out one word...

why can't I ever reveal the tears that I cry. when I'm alone when I hurt. when I feel I'm about to die. why cant I just tell you how I feel. instead of lying. instead of hiding. instead of holding back whats real. why cant I say that I'm hurting inside. when your gone. when you don't call. why cant I say I want you by my side. why cant I tell you I'm dying inside. because I can't see you because I miss you. I've told my heart so many lies. why cant I say that I love you when I feel that. I feel it everyday every moment. and thats a simple fact ~~~~~~~~~Paul Moye~~~~~~~~~~~~

I watched you walk away eyes never turning once my way I heard you mumble and say maybe I'll be back some day I never thought you'd be the one to walk out on me there you go just like the rest leaving me here broken heart in my chest you want time you need your space all this time's been a waste will I ever find someone to take your place I loved you so with all my heart alone again don't know where to start I feel so lame played your game U promised to change my name the ring's still here but its not the same here I am this damn heart I blame this cloud of pain sends rain my way every single eternal day your love is gone to god I pray please take this love away this heart of mine loves you so I just wish I could go back in time to the day you found your way into my heart so I could stop and turn away ~~~~~~~~~Paul Moye~~~~~~~~~

When tomorrow starts without me, And I'm not there to see, If the sun should rise and find your eyes All filled with tears for me; I wish so much you wouldn't cry The way you did today, While thinking of the many things, We didn't get to say. I know how much you love me, As much as I love you, And each time that you think of me, I know you'll miss me too; But when tomorrow starts without me, Please try to understand, That an angel came and called my name, And took me by the hand, And said my place was ready, In heaven far above, And that I'd have to leave behind All those I dearly love. But as I turned to walk away, A tear fell from my eye For all my life, I'd always thought, I didn't want to die. I had so much to live for, So much left yet to do, It almost seemed impossible That I was leaving you. I thought of all the yesterdays, The good ones and the bad, I thought of all the love we shared, And all the fun we had. If I could relive yesterday, Just even for a while, I'd say good-bye and kiss you And maybe see you smile. But then I fully realized, That this could never be, For emptiness and memories, Would take the place of me. And when I thought of worldly things, I might miss come tomorrow, I thought of you, and when I did, My heart was filled with sorrow. But when I walked through heaven's gates, I felt so much at home. When God looked down and smiled at me, From His great golden throne, He said, "This is eternity, And all I've promised you. Today your life on earth is past, But here life starts anew. I promise no tomorrow, But today will always last, And since each day's the same way There's no longing for the past. You have been so faithful, So trusting and so true. Though there were times you did some things You knew you shouldn't do. But you have been forgiven And now at last you're free. So won't you come and take my hand And share my life with me?" So when tomorrow starts without me, Don't think we're far apart, For every time you think of me, I'm right here, in your heart. ~~~~~~~~~~David Romano~~~~~~~~~