Candi RLM2 Outlaw's blog: "Poetry"

The blood now flows from deep inside my heart
the hand that holds it shall keep us far apart
and place my love in a box to stay for years
until this heart may love again sans tears.
My heart is cracked, so worn by years of pain
The fragile monster shall not again be plain
Oh, the tears I've cried, the blood I've shed for love
The pain I've felt the Hell I've known from above
My thought my hopes so dashed so torn, so meek
That hate has burned my heart so black and bleak
It is my hand that holds this heart so frail
I'd rip it from my chest to stop my wail
I've loved, I've lost I've cried the tears of white
I bleed this white and prepare for coming night
In the night I'll stay, in the night so dark I'll lie
never to taste a kiss of love I'll sigh
but never again shall I cry...

All I wanted was to hear you say
that you loved me and wouldn't sway
but your words came from far away
to remind me I'll be alone today

All I wanted was to see you
All I wanted was to be with you
All I needed was to reach you
I had all I needed to complete you

But holding your heart I'll be strong
humming the bars of the same old song
it feels so good it can't be wrong
But every day now seems so long

I want to hold you so I can say

I can feel your touch every day

It's a strange caress from ghostly hands
scratching my skin like grains of sand

I don't know what I would do if you were here
except whisper to you my dear
that for you I would gladly die
and carry your words to where I lie

But I'm left longing for the kiss
from the boy who's touch I miss
If I could I'd take your hand
and walk you through the shadow land

and when we came through the other side
I'd make a spot for you to hide
and there on the edge of darkness we'd complete
the circle that was meant to be

I know that I'm nobody
Nothing special at all
So please don't cry for me
I'm just another
one of the many faces
praying to the rain
Take away my eyes
and drown out my voice
It doesn't matter anymore
Don't cover me with laurels
or decorate me with diamonds
I'm not worth it anyhow
I can't care anymore
I know I'm worth nothing
not even the love you give to me
I'm just a broken one
a crushed little toy soldier
swept underneath the rug
No one cares about me
because no one knows me
So why even bother crying?
Just leave me alone
and make the world go away
I won't make you happy anymore
All I do is bring pain
to those I love the most
and cripple myself all the while
Just hate me
like all of the others
It'd make things so much easier
What good is love anyhow
When it brings only heartbreak
time and time again?
I don't know how to be genuine
I've lost the real me
somewhere in all of that trivia.
Everything now is just a reflection
a reflection of a broken soul
that was never worth anything
and will forever be nothing special

You broke a thousand hearts
on your way to mine
you tore through a thousand lonely souls
and shattered a thousand dreams
before a twist of fate
brought you to my door

Now you've moved on
following the scent of loneliness
down a trail of desperation
to another victim
one who smiles unaware
just like I did in the months before

But time will be kind to me
as it is to most gentle souls
though we break like twigs
in the howling winds of today
the rains of tomorrow make us strong
and let us grow into a forest that can never be broken

You will remain hollow, empty and weak
even as I grow stronger
and some day love will find you
following the scent of your loneliness
and it will break you with ease
a rotten tree falling to a draft

So even as I cry for you
and nurse my broken heart
I offer no words of anger
nor carry any ill desires
For your fate is your own
and destiny spites you enough
while I'll miss you on lonely nights
I can not hate what I pity so much
nor condem that which has condemned itself

Some days i just want to quit

drop my love life, fed up that's it

tired of being used

and mentally abused

It always ends the same

starts with that mind game

i tell myself things "things aren't fine"

Just can't get rejection out of my mind

Don't know how to fix my heart

sometimes i just need to break up and have a re-start

i always have things i want to say

but end up just walk'n away

What i really want is you to stay

Why can't i just express how i feel

my heart is here for you to take and steal

I want to be swept off my feet

someone who won't make me feel that same defeat.

Bleak midwinter
And snow lies all around
My heart is cold and empty
And I long to walk on the hot sand
With the sun burning my body
And my love close at hand
Will you ever return?
Or will I always live in bleak midwinter
Send me word of where you are
Have you found a new love?
Have you moved on to someone new?
I am still in a frozen state
Stuck rigid where you left me
Unable to move on
One kiss would thaw my bones
One moment of bliss would unfreeze my toes
I would follow you to the ends of the earth
But my feet are frozen to the ground
And all around there is no sound
In this frozen wilderness
I will live forever
Suspended in time
A monument to discarded love

Blinded by all the lies
Bound by all the trust
Bleeding for an unknown cause
Burned and charred by all the laws

Don't know what to do
Cause I was crazy over you
But now you left me bruised
And my heart don't know what to choose

Do I stay or do I go?
let the pain corrupt me so slow?
Be the bitch that won't let go?
Or the slut who says no?

Do I live or do I die?
Do I laugh or do I cry?
Cause I used to be so free
Now my heart won't let me see

You used to say you loved me
You used to say you cared
But then you left me broken hearted
Now I know that life ain't fair

So what do I do?
Do I be the fool?
Or do I run away?
Be free for a day?

Cause I know that I will try
I will try and I will fail
Try to stay away
Try to break free

But my heart would never let me
Cause it belongs to you
And though it is not welcome
It just don't seem to care

No matter what you say
No matter what you do
It will remain in your hands
To be used and abused

So do with it as you please
I don't care as long as it's you
For you are my one and only
Even though you do not love me

I will forever be yours
Be bound and blind
Have a hole inside my chest
Where I tore my heart out and gave to you

Looking toward the future
with a frightened eye
staring down uncertainty
trying to pass the quiet nights
without letting my mind go astray

Walking through the midnight air
in the garden of the pure
living a life that is not my own
tied by vines the light has shown
Everybody thinks they know me
Everybody thinks they hear me
The frightened child inside her mind
The one who's soul is theirs to grind
But as the grip does tighten more
Drawing the blood I've lost before
The rage begins to build inside of me
Churning and bubbling much like the sea
I know soon things will come to pass
and the ties will be thrown at last
I don't care how much blood comes from my veins
As long as the horse you ride throws his reigns
I will not be yours to rape again
To break my heart with your sins
So know that in the end if I should die
it's a free woman you see there lie
and hold your head in sorry shame
for you only have yourself to blame.